Berlin, baby

Sooooooooooooo, back in Berlin. The flight, as predicted, killed my ears and throat. Whine ,whine, whine. I know. Since I have been back, I have been going to bed at 7pm and getting up at 6 am. Can't seem to stop this insanity, but I am sure once I get better and go for a late night of karaoke, this early morning crap will be cured. I sit here for hours working online, thinking to myself, what do people do this early in the morning? I feel like I have too much time on my hands and all of my friends are still sleeping.

Simon, of American Idol/X-Factor Fame has been in touch and I will hopefully be massaging him again soon. Ditto with Joe Jackson, Harry Connick Jr.  and Rod Stewart and his entourage. Finally Harry will be able to get a massage from me personally. He has been using my team for ages but has yet to meet the Doctor. He even spoke about my team on stage one night on his tour, saying how much he loves Dr. Dot's massage team. He will freak when he gets a massage from me, he ain't seen nothin' yet Wink

The guilt of not blogging has been rather strong, sorry about that. I went to my local Ear, Nose, Throat doctor yesterday here in Berlin, just to see how things were in my throat and hear a different opinion and this Berliner bases Doctor freaked out when she looked in my throat, thus spreading panic into me. She said (all in German of course) that the Americans butchered me, that there is still lots of left over tissue he (my USA based ENT Dr. ) "forgot" and that I am bound to have many more tonsil related problems as there is still left over tonsils lurking about in my throat. GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!! Also, when I told her I was home 2 hours after the operation, she turned a nice shade of maroon with rage. She didn't believe me and when I convinced her she was still irate and slagging off the American health care routines. She told me in Germany you have to stay "AT LEAST" one week in the hospital after such an operation. Not so in the USA, where they ask you to leave as soon as you wake from the anesthesia. Buh Bye they say as they shove you out the door…. "don't call us, we will call you".

The pro's and con's between the USA and Germany have been taunting me for 18+ years now, I am  a Libra and have trouble making up my mind about every thing, so this is driving me batty. "Should I stay or should I go now?" runs through my head all the time. So afraid of making the wrong choice, that I make none and continue to live two lives, spreading myself thin. Naturally there are pro's to this situation, otherwise I wouldn't keep doing it. Hard to get bored if you keep moving "I don't know but I've been told, you never slow down, you never grow old" a quote from a very underrated Tom Petty..

So before I left, as you may know, I went to see Steve Vai and had fun hanging out with him. Somehow we got to talking about Farts, as  you do, and he said "Farts are like God's little joke on us". So I went online and ordered him a fart machine. I sent it express mail up to Christin, my friend and also the worlds biggest Vai fan. They are pals, Steve always makes time for her, so she is not just a fan. Anyways, they met at a local Starbucks in Boston before the show, and she gave him my fart machine.  

Steve & Christin ^  – Steve opening my Fart Machine  Laughing

Anyways, Jasmine returns tomorrow from Italy (she has been studying Italian in Bologna). I can't wait to give her mad hugs and kisses, yay!

Gotta run, things to do..ttyl

Back to Berlin

So I am leaving in a few hours back to Berlin.. hate flying and I mean LOATHE entirely. I am sure with the dry air on the plane my throat will be killing me. NOT looking forward to this one bit. But, alas, Berlin is calling and I have to go.

One last pic before my flight, another shot of the popular puppies (from my friends in the UK). They are so cute I could cuddle them all day and night. Can't you just smell their puppy smell? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah  Tongue out

Ask Dr. Dot ( Buy her new boobs?/ Catching up on the Pill & Groupie love)

This is my syndicated Sex Column. Feel free to write me with any problems you may be having and no need to be shy, I always change the person's names around.

x

 

Q.
How can I politely hint to my girlfriend that I want to buy her a new pair of tits for her Birthday?
 Hers are nice but less than a handful. I love her but need more Breasts.
Tittie Man Stan

 


A.
She will either be offended (imagine she bought you a penis extension because your knob wasn’t big enough for
 her) OR she will let you buy them and get turned on by all that extra attention she is suddenly getting from men
(her confidence may soar) and she may want to try them out on those other, adoring men, who also love her new
 implants. Unless your girl asks you for them, it’s probably better just to enjoy what she has and use your
imagination. Don’t fix what isn’t broken.


Q.
I am probably too young to be reading your column (I am a 15 year old girl) but I learn a lot from you and education
 is never a bad thing. I am on the pill and sometimes I forget to take one. I have a steady boyfriend and yes,
 we do screw very often. My question is, what if I sleep over his house and forget a pill or two, can I make it
 up by taking them when I get home? I don’t want to get pregnant; my Dad would kill both of us.
Little Suzy

c


A.
No, you can not make up for forgotten pills. If you take two at once, you will throw up violently (well, it may take 3
to make you blow chunks). You just have to be religious about taking them. Take one every morning you wake and if you miss a day, take it the next morning you can. The only way to avoid getting knocked up is by using condoms or not fucking at all. If you missed a day or two, put a rubber on him to be extra safe. If he whines about the condom (like most guys do) tell him it’s sexier to wear a condom than to be changing diapers.


Q.
I have fallen for probably one of the most unavailable men on the planet and can't get myself unhooked. I keep showing up at his gigs, as he is a hot Brooklyn rocker dude, he keeps coming home with me, or in the past, me to his, and we have sex – which is OK. And then he leaves a few hours later. The sex has been increasingly more like 'meat and potatoes' mainly because I think he does not want me to get too attached to him and fall in love. He never takes me out on a date – we only have sex after his gigs, I am a 38 year old groupie to a 40+ rocker. Why do I do this? Because I love the warmth he creates at his shows, because I think he is a brilliant writer and I am in love with his voice and have found so much music I like through him.
 This has been going on and off for a year and a half. I don't want to marry him – just have some sort of passionate breakthrough -how can I make him feel something and show it?
 -Groupie Love


A.
First of all, if you fall for unavailable men, you may subconsciously feel you don’t deserve to be loved. Dig deep, find out why and fix it.
I am totally against trying to convince a man to like you. The men either love you, or they don't. I have also been in your shoes, and it doesn't feel good, it feels like you are number 2, or maybe even number 3 and that is not good for one's self esteem.
You are settling for tiny scraps of affection he tosses your way when it's convenient for him.
It may go on like that forever, or until you demand more.
Dating a pop/rock star is never easy (look at Jerry Hall, Pam Anderson, Heather Locklear).
If the man isn't head over heels for you by now, he never will be.
I am sorry if you were expecting tips on how to convince him to love you, but I have to speak my mind. Great blow jobs do keep a man happy,
 but you should only do that if you like to do it, not to convince a guy you are the one for him.
Successful and famous men are used to having women fall at their feet and do whatever they want, whenever they want, so they usually end up
falling for a women who doesn't give a fuck about their fame or fortune, one that acts indifferent; one who is a challenge. All men LOVE a challenge and face it, you aren't one for him. You are his booty call, and maybe not his only booty call.
Shake things up a bit by not being available for the monthly meat & potatoes. Maybe it would heat things up if you went to one of his shows with a hot male "friend" to finally see if he gives a shit or not. I totally understand the groupie love; the hero worship; I would probably do the same for Paul McCartney, but then again, I would pretend to not really care about who he is, like Heather did when she met him (yeah, right, an English girl who doesn’t know who the Beatles are). Only difference would be I wouldn't fuck it up like she did.

 

 Q.
My wife got pregnant last summer and she miscarried about six weeks into the pregnancy.

She thinks it happened because we had sex right before she lost the baby. The sex was a

little rough, but everything I've ever heard is that there's

 no way having sex can cause a miscarriage. There's many other factors that could have

caused it, and she knows it. For one thing she smokes, even when she's pregnant.

She's pregnant again, and she's afraid to have sex,

fearing it could cause her to lose this one too, yet she's still smoking as much as ever.

I just don't understand this. Doctors have told her, smoking is not good for the baby,

having sex will not hurt the baby. Yet she's more focused on giving up sex rather than her smokes.

How can I convince her that it's okay to have sex, but put it gently that maybe the smoking has

been the problem the whole time?

 

Future daddy–or not?

A.

Sex will not cause a miscarriage. Smoking will. Smoking increases the risk

of losing a genetically normal baby. Women who smoke more than

14 cigarettes a day are about twice as likely to miscarry.

The risk of miscarriage increases with the number of cigarettes a woman smokes.

Women who smoke during pregnancy are ignorant and selfish.

Go online with her and surf, there are endless articles that prove sex is FINE

during pregnancy, and smoking is can be deadly. I feel for you buddy, I really do.

 

 

Q.

I wank nearly every day so I am worried would I run out off cum, so how many

times can we cum?

Young, Dumb and hopefully, full of cum

A.

Lucky for you, you are a never ending fountain of spunk. Your balls produce about

about 300 million sperm every time you cum; they start brewing a new

batch as soon as you shoot your wad. It's impossible to run out of sperm.

In fact, the more often a man cums, the more sperm he produces, which explains why

Men never use up all their sperm. Wank away my friend.

Q.
I am in a tough situation and bet you can help. I was friends with this guy long ago,
and he got married and I became best friends with his wife. In fact, I get along with
her much better than I ever did him. Before I became such great friends with her, he used
to ask me to let him use my apartment to screw other girls. As time passed, this stopped
because he noticed that his wife and I were best buddies. Now it bothers me badly not to
tell her the truth that I know he cheats on her. He doesn't treat her well anyways and I
just wish I could tell her he is not worth the stress he puts her through. I am afraid but
something inside me tells me she has to know. Do I tell her or not?
Stuck with the Truth


A.
Would YOU want to know if your man was cheating? Even though the truth will set you free,
it may well turn you into the enemy. The messenger usually gets shot. Some people are so
in love that they don't want to believe the truth, even if you had photographs of him
cheating, she may find a way to deny it; to defend him. She may end up thinking of you
as the one trying to break up her marriage. What would you gain? Nothing. If she is meant
to find out that her husband is a lair, and then she will. What will be, will be. If she finds
out and knows you knew all along and asks why you didn’t tell her, blame it on me.

2 weeks after the Tonsillectomy and I am feelin’ fine :)

I am pretty much all better now. YAY! I have been making up for lost (eating) time let me tell you. I am leaving Thursday to fly to Berlin so between now & then I have tons to do, lots of loose ends to tie up etc..

Last night I visited Arturo Vega, a friend I have had since I was 15. He is the Ramones creative director and has designed every official Ramones t-shirt out there. He invented that Ramones symbol:

 


Anyways, Arturo turns 60 this month; my fellow Libra pal will be celebrating his birthday with me in Berlin. He is coming for some art exhibition. The Ramones signed their very first record deal in his flat, the same flat "The Loft" he calls it, he lives in today (around the corner from what used to be CBGB's).

Arturo showed me the new DVD he produced called "Too tough to die". It isn't even out yet. It's all Ramones material, most of it never before seen and it included the unveiling ceremony for the Johnny Ramone statue. Artie is quite the salesman, I ended up buying lots of Ramones t-shirts etc. I get them half price but $80 is $80. I have more Ramones shirts than I know what to do with lol.

I have to get my ass into bed, my final Doctor visit is tomorrow (he will look at what used to be my tonsils one last time). It helped me a lot to vent here in my blog; without that I would have been not only in pain, but very frustrated. I love to write, it feels great.

That reminds me, I have to publish another Ask Dr. Dot blog, it's been a while.. busy busy busy..