Ask Dr. Dot October 28 2007

I'm married to the hottest chick ever. We have two awesome young kids, a great apt.
 good jobs and are 100% faithful to each other in mind and body. However she is literally
 addicted to "mom" chat rooms, "Myspace" and the computer in general. Subsequently our
 sex life has all but disappeared.
Before the computer came along we had vibrant, frequent, imaginative and mutually fulfilling sex.
These days I'm lucky if we have sex once a month. When we do, it is under the covers, lights
off and late at night.  I come home with flowers, wine, cook diner and get the kids to sleep.
 Is she waiting for me in the bedroom in a black lacy garter belt, thigh high fishnets, half
cup bra and spiked leather collar like she used to?
  No. She is not. Instead she says, "Don't pressure me to go to bed! I'm on the computer right now!
" I am frustrated, hurt and miserable. How do I get my wife off the computer and back into the bedroom?
Desperate for the solution,
Cuckolded by the computer.

Having children usually does dampen the sex life of most couples. It's not them that do it, but
the task of being parents that sadly lets sex fall low on the list of priorities. Kids should and
do come first for most mothers but this chat room shit has got to stop. I got bored just reading
about it. Thing is, if you are making a decent salary, it may be worth it to stop buying flowers
and wine and invest in a part time, trust worthy nanny to help with the mundane chores which would
 then give your wife more free time to tend to the kids, work out, buy sexy panties, etc.
You could maybe bargain with her and tell her you are willing to trade (nanny for her, more time
 and sex for you both).
You may have to write her a romantic note and tell her you are sad that she gives people she has
 never met (and will probably never meet) her undivided attention. The net is a double edged sword.
 It helps so many people but yet kills so many marriages and sex lives. You really have to speak up
 and tell her sweetly you feel neglected and miss her. If telling her nicely doesn't work, unplug
the PC and wisk her away in your arms to bed, even if she's throwing a tantrum, she has to see
 the light or lose a good man.

I was thinking about an advice column you wrote a few weeks ago about internet relationships…
 I have been involved (business & friendship) with a girl in Belgium for a long time. However,
 we grew closer & closer.  I admit to letting my dick do the thinking instead of my brain, but
 I finally came to the conclusion to break this entire thing off.
She's a married woman who has no problem cheating on her husband with me (someone she's never met in person.).
 Because of that I feel I cannot trust her. If she'll lie & cheat on someone she's been married to for
 YEARS and has a child with, why wouldn't she fuck me over too?

Am I wrong here? I will miss her friendship so I am sad. but I think I’m doing the right thing by
getting out of this shitstorm of emotions and focusing on the REAL people I can look in the eye.
It was your column that opened my eyes to the situation, and no matter how much it hurts now,
I do think it's the right thing. I just want a non bias opinion. After all, you're the doctor…

 Wide awake Wade

You hit the nail on the head. Even though it’s almost normal in Europe to have affairs, the fact you
already can’t trust her is a giant red flag and what if you don’t even click when you meet? 
Use your new found free time to meet local ladies instead. All the smoke and mirrors one can hide behind
online can be very misleading and disappointing. Love never comes with insurance but that situation
sounded way too risky.

When I think about proposing to my lady I feel tears approaching; is it ok to cry in front of your woman?
I have given her 4
years of strength; if I show emotion will she think less of me?

Mr. Softie

It’s normal to leak tears in such special moments, such
as proposals, the birth of your first child or when you both
cum at the same time, you know, big moments, don’t sweat it, just do it.

Is it true that if someone sucks on my boobs for a few weeks that I will produce milk?
Busty Britney
Even if you’re not pregnant, when the breast are sucked on a few times a day for a few weeks,
they will make milk. The suction makes the body think there must be a baby around and it produces milk.
You would have to find someone to suck on your tits at least 3 times a day and for 20 minutes each time
in order for that to work. In the past, some women went through this to wet nurse. Certain female
aristocrats who didn't want to breast feed would hire a wet nurse (a woman to nurse their baby).
Sometimes the wet nurse had a baby of her own, but it wasn’t necessary.  Some men go nuts over
lactating breasts, so if you have the time and a willing feeder, it can be a sexy (but tedious) adventure.


My boyfriend says I need to learn how to give better head. It hurts my neck, so I never do it for long. It's not like I can take a class
or something. Any tips for me?

Eager Ester


Make him sit on the corner of a bed. You kneel down on your knees (this will
prevent your neck form hurting).
Take his cock into your hand (your best hand, if you are left handed, use your
left hand, if you are right handed, use your right hand).
Hold his cock very firm, imagine the whole time how it feels for his cock.
Just like us girls like a big fat cock, men like a small, tight, wet, pussy.
Suck on the tip of the cock and at the same time, use your hand to hold it
tightly but move it like he is fucking a pussy, you know, stroke it , He
should only notice that you have it in your mouth, he should not see or notice
the hand much. Keep it wet so your hand slides nicely while you keep the head
of the cock in your mouth. Your mouth and hand should work together, the same
pace, the same direction, the same stroke. Ask him once, "does this feel good
baby?" and if he says yes, KEEP doing it, until he cums and when he cums,
don't miss a beat, let him cum in your mouth, and store some of cum in your
cheeks like a hamster does food, and swallow a tiny bit at a time so you dont
choke. He will be happy that you swallow his cum!
and try to look him in the eyes once in a while when you blow him, this makes
him know that you accept him, which is VERY important for a guy.
Act like you LOVE to suck his cock, that you can't get enough of blowing him
and he will go crazy over you!!
Make sure you blow him for a little bit, and say "is this how you want to cum
later? In my mouth?". Then fuck him or make him eat you, and make you cum,
THEN blow him again until he cums, he will be yours forever.

Harry Connick, Jr.

 For the last year, Harry Connick, Jr. and his entourage has been using my massage team while on tour. I know the managers Ted and Tom very well and they love our team. Harry does too. I had never met Harry until this past wednesday, but that never stopped him from talking about our massage team WHILE on stage, during his show. He has done this a few times already. The managers and my massage assistants have reported back to me "Harry spoke about us on stage, he said "I want to thank Dr. Dot and her wonderful massage team for making us feel good" etc. This is the BEST form of PR one could ever hope for. How sweet is he to do such a thing? 

My heart was melting each time I head that. What a man I thought. EVERYONE on my massage team that has massaged Harry and his entourage was taken by his charm and their warm hearts. I have been anticipating meeting him myself for a long time now. 

 I spent Tuesday massaging Arturo in the Ramones museum (video to come) and then Tuesday night massaging Tom, one of Harry's managers (artist usually have a few with them: tour, production, assistant, etc). Then Wednesday I went to the Schiller Theater to massage them all. I had been there a few times before, namely to massage Hans Klock , the Dutch Magician, who has since carved a huge name for himself engaging Pamela Anderson in his new Las Vegas based act. 


  < Happy + proud to say, this is a standard view of the backstage area of most

Harry Connick, Jr. shows  

 The Schiller Theater must be an OLD building as many folks on the entourage were agreeing that it looks like Adolf used to hang out in there. It has a big Nazi feel to it, really. It's scary!! 

I hung out while Harry napped and massaged his lovely assistant Megan. Young girl from NYC, suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuper sweet. She went to wake Harry and told him "you know that massage team "" we always use? Well, the REAL Dr. Dot is here today to massage  you". He came out of his dressing room all sleepy eyed (read: cute) and saw me sitting there and said "You're the real Dr. Dot!??" and before I could even answer, he said "You're GREAT Dr. Dot!!" . I was laughing so hard. He is SO sweet!! His Southern accent and genuine way of speaking and looking you in the eye is so refreshing. I told him "how do you know? I haven't massaged you yet" and he went on to say he loves my team and can't wait to get a massage from me later.  


 The sound check started. I counted at least 14 people in his band. Big band set up, which has a swing/jazz vibe to it .He stood facing the band, conducting them and singing without a microphone along to the music. I heard that he is VERY spontaneous, never has a set list and this keeps EVERYONE on their toes, especially the sound techs. He has a cult following and has sold over 40 million records. I had never seen him live before so I was excited to see what he was all about. The sound check took hours because it was their first day back after a tiny break. He is a perfectionist, I could tell, like Mr. Zappa. The band was tight so all the hard work pays off. There aren't that many artist today, that write all their own music, lyrics, sing the songs themselves and play at the same time. There are a few, but not enough in my opinion. He is extremely talented and the show sounded PERFECT. 

The Schiller Theater is one of those venues that do not allow you to simply go in and out of the main hall without assistants. As in, they don't want people making any noise, disturbing the crowd or audience, so if you leave to piss, the guard will have to escort you back in ONCE the song is over. The Germans really take the spectator thingy to a whole different level. Which is good, as they REALLY pay attention when someone is on stage. They are not talking about their love life, children or what they ate earlier to their friends during the show. I wanted to view some of the show, but not all as it was hot as hell in there and maybe someone else wanted a massage during the show (management, truck drivers ,etc). 


So I like to pop in and out, which is tricky in such a venue. I sat at the sound board for a few songs and I can tell you, the sound was absolutely PERFECT. It sounded like you were in his recording studio with  him. His piano playing, voice, band, were all flawless. No wonder he has such a big following. It doesn't hurt that he is extremely attractive either. The ladies were melting. No wonder it was so fucking hot and moist in there.  

 Speaking of truck drivers, I got along really well with an English driver named Al. He made me laugh and blush till my face hurt. Told me how everyone on tour now a days has to multi-task. It's not enough to just be a driver anymore, you have to also run the spot lights. Same with tour managers, they usually end up being the body guard or running a monitor or two during the show. I feel bad for the people who tour for a living, it's hard work, they get lonely and massage is the least I can contribute to the people who make live music a reality. Bless their hearts.



I was wondering why every one had NOLA written on their hats, shirts, etc. Nola is short for New Orleans, that is where Harry is from and that is the name of his current album too. The stage was set up to look like you were in New Orleans. Street lamps and all. There was no opening act and I am almost certain the show was about 3 hours long. 

After the show, we all went out back to leave for the hotel and Harry was surrounded by fans and he took his time making sure everyone got their autograph. He is really nice to his fans. They weren't just female fans, it was 50% male, 50% female. 

A driver was packing my massage table into a van and I was about to step into it as Harry approached his limo and he said "Dr. Dot! I want you to ride with me! I want to get to know you, get in!". He said this rather loud and everyone heard. I said ok, and hopped into his car with him. Makes perfect sense, as if we don't chat in the car, we would waste precious massage minutes chatting. Not good. 


So, in the back of the car, there was Harry and I and in the front, the driver and his assistant, Megan. Harry was full of questions about my massage team. How did I start out? When did I start out? He was also full of compliments, saying how brilliant an idea it was and how great each one on my team is. We both laughed about the nut case I had to fire in Vancouver. I won't mention her name, but she did give a good massage but otherwise she was a fucking NUT! First of all, my team lost the Buck Cherry account because of her.  The guitarist Jimmy gave me his cell number ages ago, and said to have my team check in with him to see if he or the rest of the lads want massage at each stop on their tour. Dumb ass up in Vancouver CALLED him at 8am, demanding to know how much she would be making, how long they would want her there and if she would be fed. Naturally he told her to fuck off and hung up on here because NO ONE in the biz should be disturbed before NOON! Artist should never be disturbed before like 4pm, managers noon. What a dumb bitch. She claimed she didn't know (yeah right, rock stars get up at 8am every day, wtf?) so I gave her another chance.

Big mistake. At the Harry Connick, Jr. show in Vancouver, she was in the massage room with Harry and instead of going out of the room and letting him get undressed and get on the table, she stood there watching. Trying to be polite, he said "oh, you can come back in a minute" and she just said "no, that's fine, I'm ok" and just stood there and watched him undress like a horny dude watches strippers undress. THEN during the face massage, she looked deep into his eyes and went off about how she can "see into his soul" and how she "knew what he was thinking" and how they were "as one" blah fucking BLAH, what a freak!! You should not talk during a massage let alone talk BULLSHIT during a massage. I hate that voo-doo bullshit some therapist pull out their asses during a massage. Less voo-doo please, and more fucking massage work!!

She freaked him out so bad, he had to stop the massage and leap off the table, grabbing his clothes and beat feeting it out the door. Then management tried to politely ask her to leave, but she hid! No one could find her. She ended up in the press pit or some shit like that and then once she was brought backstage demanded to be fed. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nightmare from hell.

 Harry and I had a laugh about her. He said that he never would let one rotten egg spoil a dozen good eggs, and all was forgiven. In fact, it was me who brought her up, he had already "forgotten about her". Whew! 🙂

Harry asked me many questions, he was wide eyed and all ears, listening to my story of how I became Dr. Dot and formed my team of "Dot bots" as many people on tour cunningly name my assistants. Then, he started dialing on his iPone as I was still talking and he interrupted me by starting a conversation with his wife back in NYC "Honey, you know what? I am riding next to the legendary Dr. Dot!". I swear to God I am not making this up. I was smiling ear to ear, as was Megan in the front seat, it was SO CUTE! He then went on to tell her how he always uses my team but this time he was about to get a massage from the "REAL Dr. Dot!". OMG, I was in heaven. I love it when people are so into massages. He definitely  LOVES massage.

And as I found out during the massage, he loves DEEP TISSUE massage. I mean, seriously deep tissue. I was trying my hardest to make him whine from pain, and sadly, I could not. I mean, am I getting old? Losing my painful touch? Or is Harry Connick, Jr. made of some secret steel found only in New Orleans? No music or talking, the room was silent for over two hours. I was sweating my ass off trying to go as deep as possible. Finally found a spot where I could make him at least acknowledge my "hands of steel", the arch of his feet. I can go mad deep on the feet. yay! He did say several times during the massage that it felt great, but I had the feeling I wasn't strong enough. He is a solid man, solid as a rock… super fit!!


Normally I ask artist/stars to pose for a picture before the massage as I know I will make them an oiling, puffy mess from the massage. Harry opted to pose after the massage. Takes a brave person to do that lol, I know I would avoid posing after I get a massage at all cost as I am puffy and greasy, hair looks like Nick Nolte's did after his arrest (mug shot), but hey, Harry still looks amazing. Those blue eyes, oh LAWD!

My gay uncle Jack is thrilled I finally massaged Harry, as he was a regular on Will & Grace for ages, so he has a big gay following too.. I heard he has been in a few movies too, but I haven't seen them..

Anyways, I am mad impressed by Harry and his talent. He is on tour, so if you read that he is heading towards  your area, go see him, it's worth every cent, every minute of your time. Pure pleasure.


Click HERE to see a great video of Harry's 





10/29/07   Antwerp, Bel      Queen Elizabeth Hal

10/30/07   Paris, Fra       Grand Rex

11/03/07   London, UK       Royal Albert hall

Nov 5      Madrid,     Spain       Teatro Circo Price
Nov 6     Malaga,     Spain     Teatro Cervantes
Nov 7     Zaragoza,   Spain     Sala Multiusos          
Nov 10    Barcelona, Spain     Palau de la Música

11/13/07   Dublin, Ire      RDS Main Hall     

11/14/07   Belfast, UK       Waterfront Hall

11/16/07   Glasgow, UK       Clyde Auditorium  

11/17/07   Birmingham, UK     Symphony Hall 

11/18/07   Birmingham, UK     Symphony Hall    



And last but not least, I showed some of the Harry Connick, Jr. crew around Berlin^

Chip, Aj and Scott 

October in Berlin (Birthdays and a visit from Arturo Vega)

So another birthday has come and gone (Friday was my Birthday and naturally I will just let you wonder how old/young I am )


Jasmine and I spent most of the  day at the Ritz Carlton Hotel, at their Spa. Jasmine has never had a facial or anything of the sort, so it was funny to see her experience it all. The service was great, but their techniques were half ass. Not worth the 600 euros is cost, at all. They rushed us, left Jasmine's face a mess and didn't have time to do my manicure (had to do it at home). Just warning you if you were thinking of spending money on the place.. The lady who does my facials since 10 years at the Europa Center is the best, by far. I guess I shouldn't have cheated on her 🙂

The last few days have been very eventful as my friend Arturo Vega (art director for the Ramones) has been in town. He just turned 60 but does NOT act it or look it. A youthful Libra, like myself, heh heh. I have known him since I was 15 years old. When I first started dating Joey Ramone. Anyways, Arturo is in town for some art exhibition he is taking part in. He designed EVERY single Ramones album/cd cover. He invented THAT Ramones symbol most people know, in fact, he even got it tattoed on his back:

< Arturo Vega

Some pics of us over the years…..

^ 2002 NYC

  < 2004 

I have one of us together when I was just 16 and I just tried to find it,  but it will take days to find that one pic. When I do find it, I will post it as it's hilarious.

Below are some pictures I took the other day, showing Arturo around Berlin. 



Arturo near the Sony Center, Potsdamer Platz

Jewish Monument near Brandenburger Tor ^


^ The typical Brandenburger Tor (gate) pose  🙂

 Artie loved this building with the big D on it ^ . I am pretty sure it's an Art related/performance hall- building, but don't quote me on that. 

We stood in line for ages to get to the top of the Reichtag (like the White House of Germany). The view was nice, I just wish we got there earlier, as it was kinda dark as you can see..

Unfortunately they were cleaning that glass dome, which you can normally walk around, literally. There is a winding path inside that you can scale, but we arrived at an awkward time, as they were vacuuming and mopping.  


The middle of the dome, looks so futuristic ^

View from the top of Reichtag ^

No trip to Berlin is complete without a stop at Tacheles, the broke down building that squatters took over after the wall fell in 1989. They took over, making it into a bizarre art museum of sort. One artist, Tim Roelofs, is so successful, he has his own, rather permanent, shop on the 3rd floor. I even bought a piece from there, for my Dad for Christmas (keep that info on the down low 🙂

No, this is NOT the piece I bought for my Dad. But I find it entertaining and thought it was worth sharing.. (also by  Tim Roelofs)

There are many freaks who live and/or hanging out in Tacheles. Never a dull moment. This girl from Sweden for example, has the longest Dreads I have ever seen on a chick. She was asking me if I had any weed to share. Didn't have any on me, lol, but I gave her some spare change for posing for me and to help in her search.

Be happy she has her mouth closed. Her tooth (and I mean TOOTH, not teeth) was rather disturbing.



Arturo was not impressed much by Tacheles like most people I drag there. He said he has seen similar/better/worse places in Holland for example. I guess at his age, and the fact he hung with the Ramones for over 25 years, you pretty much have seen it all. The Ramones signed their first ever record contract in his kitchen. He has pictures of that in his flat, which is like a Ramones museum.

Speaking of Ramones museums, our friend Flo, who is probably the biggest Ramones fan I have ever met, runs the Ramones Museum in Berlin. Arturo has been hanging out there every day since he's been there. I will go and film there tomorrow..

Click HERE to see the museums myspace page.. 



I gathered together with some friends at White Trash, the night after my birthday….just to have some laughs, no big woop…



 Arturo talking to Paualo and Martina (one of my best friends & also a Libra 🙂  ^


 Me ^ wearing the "DD"  charms (in the usa, people call me 'Double D') I bought myself for my birthday. ^ Daniel  givin' us the Dr. Evil pose.

 Sansi, my friend and drummer and his lovely girlfriend Chrissy (also a Libra) and Bjoern, an old friend of mine since many years (who sometimes also acts as an agent for me). 

It was fun, but after 3 hours of White Trash, I had to bolt with Freaky and Arturo to sing some karaoke. The first time since my tonsillectomy one month ago. My pipes are in working order again, it was so fun to sing again, and finally Arturo got to witness the madness 🙂

Art work by Tim Roelofs ^  (notice the "woman" to the right holding her penis) Ahem, welcome to Berlin.

Myspace WHORE

It is sunny in Berlin, but really cold. Not just the weather either Wink  I have to say it is getting harder to adjust each time I go back and forth from NYC to Berlin. Takes longer each time. The differences are amazing. It's cleaner here in Berlin and more organized but the people just do not smile on the street and if you make eye contact with them and grin, they look at you like you must be drunk and/or crazy. Note to self: stop smiling.

Jasmine is back from Italy and can speak really good Italian (she would stop me and correct me "It's NOT GOOD, it's WELL!!" but hey, I think if James Brown sang "I feel well" it just wouldn't have had the same impact. I feel GOOD dammit. Well, not really, my throat is still keeping me down, making me sleep 10 hours a day. Going to a new Ear, Nose Throat Doctor today, see what SHE says. If it's true the American Doctor "Forgot loads of tissue!".

Anyways, it is sooooooo great to see and squeeze Jasmine again. My true love. My sweetie pie. She's a big girl now and wants to go live in NYC for 5 months or so. NOT Hoboken, she wants to live directly in Manhattan and will do so soon. OMG, more sleepless nights to come. I often ponder having another kid but would I just worry even more? Does the love outweigh the worry? I am sure it does. I am so stuck in my ways now though, I love sleeping in; sleeping until I feel like it. Traveling where and when I feel like it. If I have another child all that shit will come to a screaming halt. But I now have the funds and capability to have a nanny, to do the boring work: laundry, shopping, cooking, cleaning.. which would leave me more time and energy to give more fun love to the child and sneak in a jog or two as well as regular concerts and karaoke nights.. oh the decisions. I am a Libra and can never decide anything.

My Birthday is this Friday. I hate birthdays. I think anyone over 30 hates Birthdays. BUT it is a fact, we all grow old (unless we get shot, run over or die of cancer before old age sets it). I guess one has to embrace it, but I will remain immature and youthful as long as possible. I am very immature. I admit it. I find myself gravitating to older women (STILL) to get my Mommy fix. Never got that motherly love so I crave it, still. Any women who read this and have a child or are thinking of having a child, be sure to love your child the best you can, as often as  you can or they will grow up clinging to older women, like I do, it's pathetic.

Joe Jackson just called, he will come over again for another massage. He came last week and pointed out something to me that has never, in 18 years of flying back and forth from Berlin to NYC, occurred to me. Joe was trying to get a massage at like 8 pm last week and I said "Oh, no, I fall asleep at 7pm for a couple weeks after landing, thanks to Jet Lag". Joe says something that made me feel dumbstruck. He goes "Wot? You go to bed at 7pm and get up at 6am, that means you have Backwards jetlag Dot". LOL!!  We talked about it and he is right. It makes NO fucking sense that I get up early after flying from NYC to Berlin. If I go to bed at 7pm here (Berlin) it is 1pm in NYC. Then I get up at 6am here but it's only midnight in NYC. But that's how I've been doing it for the last 18 years. So I have Backwards Jet Lag, as diagnosed by Mr. Joe Jackson. heh heh.

Anyhow, the two pictures below were taken on my balcony in the USA (notice Danny in the background)..Someone from myspace sent me (well, my assistant in Baltimore) this t-shirt to me as a present. I LOVE IT.

Gotta run, ttyl