Ask Dr. Dot

* Note: Thanks for showing  your  support  after the attack, it’s helped me a lot, really

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Q.
I met this guy and was immediately besotted with him. He is exactly my taste,
 in every way. I am rather jaded and never thought I would fall for a guy like
 this again. I know he likes me but on our second date (we have only been
 dating for a couple weeks) he told me he has a 9 year old daughter with his
ex. He said he is best friends with his ex and “my daughter is the only fucking
 thing that matters to me”. If this is true, how can I squeeze into his heart?
 How will he ever care about me? I feel like there is no hope. Should I ask him
if he could ever care for me? How much time should I invest if that is true what he said?
Sweatin’ Silvia


A.
When a guy fathers a daughter, he is truly whipped. No female can EVER affect
a man like his daughter, this is true. They suddenly turn into mush, they are
 hypnotized and no one can ever come between them, well, at least until they
move out. But you can play it cool by not mentioning her, let him do that. He
 doesn’t sound ready to start a new family or include you in his, so all you
 can do is either move on and find someone who hasn’t reproduced yet or keep
his other life very separate from what you two have. Unless he suggests otherwise.
 He may even welcome a break from the old routine and he will think of you as
“freedom and simplicity” and that is a good thing. Never ask a man if he cares,
 it should be obvious and if not, you are with the wrong man.

Q.
 Doc,
I am wondering something with regard to the broke guy Q&A in your last column.
 I have been pretty broke through my 20’s as I have been in College (AA, BA, MPA)
 and tend to work only when I have to. I have now worked my way (via education)
 to Law School and am only a short time away from all my schooling to start paying
off. Do women see potential as sexy (anthropologically ‘secure’ in your 100% right
on analogy), or are you perceived as a beer grade bum until the champagne starts flowing?

What is your take?

-The Central Scutinizer
  < You don’t have to be rich to get the babes
A.
A smart woman will realize you are driven, ambitious and know that you are a going to be
a bread winner someday and you would make a very secure husband and/or father for her kids.
 If they scoff at the fact you don’ have any funds yet, they did you a favor by helping you
 weed out the impatient gold diggers. So, intelligent, patient women will see you as ‘great’
 even before the Moet starts flowing. I think it’s a bad idea either way to advertise how
 much money you make, be it with clothing, jewelry or penis-extension type cars as this
sets you up for trouble.  If you want high maintenance women, then dress and act high
maintenance and vice versa
Q.
Can a long distance love work? I fell for someone online (yeah, I know, I’m a chump) and well,
 I just want your opinion and advice, like what are the odds?
Surf Junkie John

A.
Long distance relationships can work if you know that you may soon live together.
 If not, the problem of distance takes over, as in; you get blinded by thinking “well,
 if we only lived closer, it would work” which is bullshit. That one hurdle over shadows
the other topics, like is your partner a bitch in the morning? Are they up all night
 making noise? Are they selfish and hard to live with? Things that normal couples have
 to face only surface after you have been together (or lived together) for a while.
 It’s kind of a fantasy land. You should take a week or two vacation with each other
 too see what she is REALLY like before you think of relocating. Really test drive her,
 know what I mean?

< Always test drive first
Q.
I am an English girl, age 24 and I moved to NYC a few months ago with my English (age 29)
 boyfriend. He got a job here, so we decided to go for it together. We have been together
for 5 years already and got along GREAT back in the UK. Since we have been here, he has
been acting distant, uninterested and he has even told me that we should maybe take a break
 and start seeing other people. He is a bar tender at an English pub, and there are always
 girls swooning over him each night. It gets my knickers in a twist, I get so upset when I
show up to say hi and see what appear to be his groupies lined up at the bar. The more I
flap about it, the more distant he gets. He is always saying how the American accent makes
 him weak in the knees etc. I want to keep him, but can’t take this much longer. Help please!
Lost in NY


A.
It is always trouble when you move your love to a different country. Even if your man has
already sewn his wild oats in his native land, suddenly there is new pussy to conquer in
this shiny, new land. They have to start all over and sew their fucking oats again. His
accent will be a constant babe magnet. There is nothing you can do to stop that now, all
you can do is (1) Realize that you too, are exotic and your English accent will work just –
– the same on American men as it does for your guy and his Yank Skanks >
(2) Move back home
and find someone who doesn’t have the Johnny Apple-seed bug up their ass. You can’t force
 him to yearn for you. Maybe moving out and/or playing hard to get will wake him up, but
 I doubt it. London calling?
 

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