Ask Dr. Dot

* Note: Thanks for showing  your  support  after the attack, it’s helped me a lot, really

x

Q.
I met this guy and was immediately besotted with him. He is exactly my taste,
 in every way. I am rather jaded and never thought I would fall for a guy like
 this again. I know he likes me but on our second date (we have only been
 dating for a couple weeks) he told me he has a 9 year old daughter with his
ex. He said he is best friends with his ex and “my daughter is the only fucking
 thing that matters to me”. If this is true, how can I squeeze into his heart?
 How will he ever care about me? I feel like there is no hope. Should I ask him
if he could ever care for me? How much time should I invest if that is true what he said?
Sweatin’ Silvia


A.
When a guy fathers a daughter, he is truly whipped. No female can EVER affect
a man like his daughter, this is true. They suddenly turn into mush, they are
 hypnotized and no one can ever come between them, well, at least until they
move out. But you can play it cool by not mentioning her, let him do that. He
 doesn’t sound ready to start a new family or include you in his, so all you
 can do is either move on and find someone who hasn’t reproduced yet or keep
his other life very separate from what you two have. Unless he suggests otherwise.
 He may even welcome a break from the old routine and he will think of you as
“freedom and simplicity” and that is a good thing. Never ask a man if he cares,
 it should be obvious and if not, you are with the wrong man.

Q.
 Doc,
I am wondering something with regard to the broke guy Q&A in your last column.
 I have been pretty broke through my 20’s as I have been in College (AA, BA, MPA)
 and tend to work only when I have to. I have now worked my way (via education)
 to Law School and am only a short time away from all my schooling to start paying
off. Do women see potential as sexy (anthropologically ‘secure’ in your 100% right
on analogy), or are you perceived as a beer grade bum until the champagne starts flowing?

What is your take?

-The Central Scutinizer
  < You don’t have to be rich to get the babes
A.
A smart woman will realize you are driven, ambitious and know that you are a going to be
a bread winner someday and you would make a very secure husband and/or father for her kids.
 If they scoff at the fact you don’ have any funds yet, they did you a favor by helping you
 weed out the impatient gold diggers. So, intelligent, patient women will see you as ‘great’
 even before the Moet starts flowing. I think it’s a bad idea either way to advertise how
 much money you make, be it with clothing, jewelry or penis-extension type cars as this
sets you up for trouble.  If you want high maintenance women, then dress and act high
maintenance and vice versa
Q.
Can a long distance love work? I fell for someone online (yeah, I know, I’m a chump) and well,
 I just want your opinion and advice, like what are the odds?
Surf Junkie John

A.
Long distance relationships can work if you know that you may soon live together.
 If not, the problem of distance takes over, as in; you get blinded by thinking “well,
 if we only lived closer, it would work” which is bullshit. That one hurdle over shadows
the other topics, like is your partner a bitch in the morning? Are they up all night
 making noise? Are they selfish and hard to live with? Things that normal couples have
 to face only surface after you have been together (or lived together) for a while.
 It’s kind of a fantasy land. You should take a week or two vacation with each other
 too see what she is REALLY like before you think of relocating. Really test drive her,
 know what I mean?

< Always test drive first
Q.
I am an English girl, age 24 and I moved to NYC a few months ago with my English (age 29)
 boyfriend. He got a job here, so we decided to go for it together. We have been together
for 5 years already and got along GREAT back in the UK. Since we have been here, he has
been acting distant, uninterested and he has even told me that we should maybe take a break
 and start seeing other people. He is a bar tender at an English pub, and there are always
 girls swooning over him each night. It gets my knickers in a twist, I get so upset when I
show up to say hi and see what appear to be his groupies lined up at the bar. The more I
flap about it, the more distant he gets. He is always saying how the American accent makes
 him weak in the knees etc. I want to keep him, but can’t take this much longer. Help please!
Lost in NY


A.
It is always trouble when you move your love to a different country. Even if your man has
already sewn his wild oats in his native land, suddenly there is new pussy to conquer in
this shiny, new land. They have to start all over and sew their fucking oats again. His
accent will be a constant babe magnet. There is nothing you can do to stop that now, all
you can do is (1) Realize that you too, are exotic and your English accent will work just –
– the same on American men as it does for your guy and his Yank Skanks >
(2) Move back home
and find someone who doesn’t have the Johnny Apple-seed bug up their ass. You can’t force
 him to yearn for you. Maybe moving out and/or playing hard to get will wake him up, but
 I doubt it. London calling?
 

Some sweet feedback, wish I could translate that

Liebes Dotchen,

leider weiß ich Deinen Namen nicht, denn heute hätte ich Dich lieber mit Deinem echten Namen angesprochen, weil es wärmer und direkter wäre.

Ich schreibe Dir bewusst in Deutsch, weil ich mir von ganzen Herzen wünsche, dass Dich meine Wärme erreicht und etwas in Dir heilt, was vielleicht gerade kaputt gegangen ist.

Ich bin Deutsche, lebe in Amsterdam und bin weggegangen aus Deutschland, weil ich mich Zeit meines Lebens dort nicht wohl gefühlt habe. Ich werde Dich jetzt nicht langweilen mit Sätzen die beteuern, dass nicht alle Deutschen so sind. Denn ich bin weggegangen, weil ich diese Kälte der Menschen nicht mehr ertragen habe, ihre Angst, die sie ständig zu den absonderlichsten Verhaltensweisen verleitet.

Alles was ich stattdessen will ist, Dir meine liebsten Wünsche zu schicken, meine Liebe, eine Umarmung, und Dir sagen, dass Du ein lieber, freier, schöner und wilder Vogel bist, der nachts auf seinem Flug zu lebendig und strahlend war und deshalb die Wut eines Menschen auf sich gezogen hat, der so krank war, dass er in der Tat seine Strafe bekommen muss und wird.

Das ist passiert. Du hast nichts falsch gemacht, Du warst nur Du. Und Du stehst auf meiner Liste hier in Myspace weil Du bist wie Du bist – DU SELBST. Und das Strahlen, das dieses Atmen nach sich zieht, ertragen Menschen zerfressen von Neid nicht.

Pass auf Dich auf, aber verbittere nie. Hol Dein Lächeln hervor und denk Dir, dass er Dich gar nicht getroffen hat. Deinen Körper, ja aber nicht Dich.

Ich habe das hier ganz schnell aus dem Herzen geschrieben und ich hoffe sehr, dass Du mich verstanden hast. Du hast mein tiefstes Mitgefühl und den ganzen Trost, den man in so einem Moment braucht.

Mit lieben lieben Umarmungen
Ms. A

Knocked out by another angry German “MAN”

Friday, January 26th, 1:30 am.

Instead of posting my NYC blog, I have to get this out now. Tonight, while jogging with my iPod on full blast, I stopped to stretch (like I do several times). I put one foot up on what ever is closest, a fence, building, step, etc. It was after midnight, which for some is a strange time to jog, but for me, very normal. I was stretching and a German man wearing thick glasses started yelling at me. I couldn’t hear a word he was saying, so I just kept on stretching thinking he must be drunk or have mistaken me for someone else.


He had a bike in his hand, and was walking it fast towards me, still yelling. I said, over my music
 “I can’t hear you and I don’t speak German” which isn’t true, I can speak German but at this hour,  I really don’t want to talk to a strange man on the street anyways, and especially not while I am working out. I want to just focus and get it over with.


He came way up into my face yelling and started to trap me against the building with his bike, cornering me.
 I said “woah! Don’t touch me!”. Now I could hear what he was screaming, and he seemed furious that I didn’t speak German and yelled “You should speak German here in Germany! Do not ever put your feet on a building like that!”.

At this point I didn’t give a shit what he was screaming the point was he had me cornered and I couldn’t get out, even after a few tries so I pushed him and his bike just enough to squeeze out and I ran between to parked cars out onto the street, thinking he couldn’t squeeze through that gap very fast with his bike. I was wrong.


He followed me on the side walk, me running as fast as I could. I ran like mad, the freezing cold air hurting my lungs. Instead of taking a right onto my street, I kept on and took the next right as I didn’t want this freak knowing where I lived.


There was no one out on the street, unfortunately and the street I turned onto was dark. I was panicking as I didn’t know if he was still following me. Half way down that street I turned back and sure enough, he was.
 I ran faster and took the next right and there was a man walking his dog. I thought about stopping and asking for help, but was so freaked out, I just kept running. I passed a bar that is open 24 hours a day, and thought about running in there too, but I didn’t want to be cornered by this guy at all, so I took another right which brought me onto my street. He sped up to me on his bike, cut me off so I couldn’t move and punched me EXTREMELY hard in my mouth; I fell back, knocked out. When I snapped out of it, I was screaming and crying and blood was pouring out of my mouth, and the cowardly German was already half way down the street.

My cries for help went unheard and no one could have caught him anyways. I ran into the bar bleeding and the drunks all poured out. None of them understood me because I was crying in English, and they couldn’t help anyways. So I ran home and called the Police.


Sorry, no pretty picturse today  ^


This reminds me of the time I was punched out by a German man in NYC (!!!!)  right on 2nd ave,  right out side of a karaoke bar. You can click HERE to read that story and HERE for the follow up.  He kept calling me a “Jude Votze”, (which means
Jewish Cunt)  “Jude Schwein!” (which means Jewish Pig) because of my Jewish Star of David necklace basically.


Even though I am not Jewish, I have many Jewish friends. The guy was caught and charged with a hate crime.
About 10 years ago here in Berlin, before I had a cell phone, I was in a phone booth talking to a girlfriend, broad day light and a German guy was waiting very impatiently out side, pacing. He opened the door, grabbed the phone out of my hand, hung it up, then slapped me violently across the face, than ran.

Just last week, I was in a disco, which I NEVER do, with my friend Shai. As I went to the bathroom, an Earth Wind and Fire song began to play, so I started dancing alone. The dance floor is on the very bottom floor and everyone up top can look over the railing at the dancers. I looked up at Shai most of the time, smiling as in “come down here girl” and a German dude, who looked a bit like Woody Allen started trying the hump dance with me and talking to me and I politely moved away.

He started to talk to me and I said “ I don’t speak German” and kept dancing and looking up at Shai. He then walked up to me and said “We do not want your big tits on this dance floor bitch” so I spit in his face. Then he shoved me wicked hard across the dance floor and Shai was looking and shocked as hell and asked one of our male friends to check it out. I just kept ignoring the guy, dancing, hoping he had learned his lesson. He came back and said MORE obnoxious slander
and shoved me again.


One thing that pisses me off about Germany is the way the men think of girls as completely equal. Perhaps in Politics, this is a good thing, but everywhere else it sucks. They do NOT open doors, compliment or help females in need, ever. Even when play fighting with a boyfriend, they will hit you as hard as they can.


I have been told this by many of my girlfriends who live here and date Germans as well. They will not buy you a drink, flowers or help with the rent even if you live with them. And they think NOTHING of punching a woman square in the face. I am afraid to go out here anymore.
When I called the Police, they came in (with the Ambulance team) and asked me to explain everything. They said there could be two explanations. 1) the guy was the land lord of that building and is anal as fuck about
 foot prints (it isn’t even wet out tonight) or (2) because the initial contact (stretching locating on
building) was directly next to the Kreuzberg park, which is very dark and rumored to be dangerous at night, they think he may have just used that as an excuse to talk to me then perhaps intended on dragging me into the park to rape me. Either reason is fucked up.

The Doctors (the Ambulance team) said I have to ice my upper and lower lip, the blood clot will take a few days to go away, but thank God (I think my Mom and Granny are up in heaven looking after me) my teeth were not broken, nor my nose. My lips and nose are swollen up like
 balloons and I wonder what Mr. Joe Jackson will think of my appearance when I massage him tomorrow evening.
 He just moved here from London, telling me how much he loves Berlin. I told him I want to move to the UK and so, I guess the grass is always greener.


I am still shaking like a leaf when I type this and was hesitant to even write about it, as if the German press gets wind of it, they will for sure be like “oh, she is just doing that for publicity” just like they did when the Nazi like German knocked me out for wearing the Jewish Star. Showing sympathy is not one of their better qualities. One paper, the “Berliner Zeitung” (which is known to be very right wing)  tried to turn it around “our poor German citizen is sitting in jail for a couple days, poor guy”. They made me out to be the bad guy. Very frustrating indeed.  They just can’t admit that there are still very racist men here.


 A black dude was beat into a coma a few months ago here in Berlin. Luckily the found the two skin heads and they are now in jail.  I have to say, I afraid to live in Berlin, it is violent, especially for women. Not GUN violent, but cave man style violent.

You can and will get punched, randomly, female or not. I have many girlfriends tell me their
tales and tales of other girlfriends who get shit walking home at night. I will never leave the house without mace again. I mean, I was just out JOGGING, not bothering anyone and this shit happened.

I can barely type this because my hands are shaking so bad. NOT AMUSED with German men at this point.
Chivalry is not in their dictionary. If you are a German woman, and can still breed, do us all a fucking favor and teach your baby German boy, it is NOT ok to hit a girl. For fucks sake!
I assume the house I was stretching on was the German bully’s house, so the cops and I went there to check it out.

They will now get my pictures of everyone who lives in the two buildings that are next to each other to be safe and I will hopefully spot this bastard and bring him to court. Like I have time for such shit, but he needs to learn a lesson. Germans always register with the Police, where they live and all have photo identity cards, so it shouldn’t be too hard to pin point the guy. WANKER.
Next blog will be a happy blog, I hope. I am thinking to myself, like most victims do, “was it my fault? Did  I provoke this? Could I have handled this better?” I try to think of what I could have done differently, but when a strange man corners me at night, and won’t let me go, I act naturally and push and flee.

I just don’t get it how a man can punch a female in the face. I told the German Police, that in America, it's not acceptable for a man to hit a girl. They said "it happens hereALL the time". Nice!

Meet Marianna, our new Massage assistant

Our team is growing and I happy to introduce our
latest member, Marianna.
So if you are in NYC, Miami or San Fran and need
a massage, give me a shout. Read on:


Hi, my name is Marianna and I’ve been a licensed Massage therapist for 18 years. I was also giving Massages since, 8 or 9 years old to my mother, who paid me a dollar an hour, (Times have definitely changed). am based in NYC, but I travel to Miami, L.A., and San Francisco, to work with clients. I really love to travel and keep my mind fresh and creative. I came across Dr. Dot through another massage Therapist. It sounded like the right team and energy to work with. I’m Excited to be a part of it. truly love what I do and try my best to give the best. I listen and am very consistent. Looking forward to sharing my massage treatments with you. My treatments consist of Swedish, deep tissue, Reflexology and Acupressure. I also give Thai massage and teach power yoga and stretch.

Ask Dr. Dot


Q.

Here's my story
I’m 32 and find myself in my first relationship ever – I’ve never felt too comfortable,
 nor turned on, by sex….and now I have a boyfriend that I like but I am not turned on
when we have sex…and needless to say, I do not cum….I’m somewhat self-conscious
 when it comes to broaching this up with him, but I would like to enjoy sex with him but
 am not sure if this is possible-how do I find out what turns me on (and no, I
do not have an active imagination.I’ve tried.I do not even care to masturbate.
waiting and Wanting


Wanking in the shower is fun, but can be hazardous ^

A.
If you are on the birth control pill, overweight or depressed, that could be the reason
for your lack of sex drive. If none of those apply,
it could be that you are just not a sexual person, in this case, my
heart goes out to you.
Just like a smoker can't quit unless he wants to, a non sexual person can't cum
 unless they want to. Only you can answer that question.
You are right not to tell him your dilemma, as no man wants to hear that their
 Girlfriend doesn't like to fuck. However, if you are screwing and
there is a spot that you want to him rub/lick/reach, then make sure you tell him.
 Communication is the key to good sex. Maybe you don't like to masturbate because
you haven't done it correctly.
Make a hot date with yourself, sip some wine, have a hot bath then spread a blanket
out on the floor and put two or three pillows vertically on top of each other,
 forming what will be your "man". The floor is best for getting up into the
 hard to reach spot, also known as your clit. Cover pillows with a towel, as
 they will get wet. Pop a naughty movie into your player and make sure some lube and
 remote control are within reach.
Lube up your favorite hand and lie on top of your hand and the pillows. No need to
go inside, as the clit is what needs to be stimulated; this can be done easily
 by having your four fingers together (loads of lube) and rocking back and
forth on top of your fingers (riding on hand which is between you and pillows).
 The pillows need to be vertical, as your legs should drape down on each side
of pillows making more pressure on your hand/clit. Let go of all pointless thoughts,
just get selfish and make sure you cum. Once you learn to do that, you will know
what pressure and frame of mind it takes to trip your trigger. Some girls can make
themselves cum on a guy much easier than having the guy make her cum. If you are
 a slight control freak, you may have to make yourself cum on the guy (you on top
for example). As disturbing as it sounds, the clit is just like a tiny penis, in
fact, some say it is. Treat it accordingly. Inner stimulation is fun, but the clit
needs action to climax. Also, you could have an affair with your shower-head if
it has enough pressure. Once you find out how fun it is to make yourself cum, show
him what worked and try to incorporate him into your repertoire.

  < Find your magic spot

Q.
I am finally single again after 6 long years of HELL with my ex girlfriend who loathed sex.
Now I am dating a married mother of 2, yes, I know I'm a mother fucker. She said she will never
leave her rich but boring husband but loves to fuck me. Problem is, she is super jealous. She
has been bitching about my female friends and even trying to read my text messages etc.
I find the attention flattering as my ex didn't give a shit but I am starting to feel smothered.
How can I improve this otherwise perfect set up?
Backdoor Man

  SUCKS!
A.
The best way to stop jealousy is to stop it right away. Show your new partner their boundaries as soon
as they start to over step them. Telling a woman "I find jealous very unattractive; a complete
TURN OFF!". This should end it, if not she is stubborn or dumb, both traits are worse than jealousy.
Remind her gently that she is sleeping with another man every night, then kiss her to shut her up.

A nice kiss will shut her up ^

Q.
Is it bad to not really wanna date guys with no money anymore?  Been there done that, the whole
 broke guy thing, and I just feel like I am going backwards when I start dating guys with little
funds. I am not superficial like it sounds, and I know guys with bucks can be dicks, too.
Anyway, I have a lot of guys asking me out these days, but none that really really have their
shit together, and I feel that going out with them is a waste of time since I know that I really
don't want them.  I would rather be alone honestly than do a sympathy date or fuck. And I don't
think I am shutting myself out to some great guys because I dated so many from all over the world
that I feel my weeding out factor is strong now. I just wonder if now my standards are ridiculous.
high, that is.

Classy Kate
  < Just kidding
A.
Men leave their old wives for young, fertile women all the time. Men stare at young, perky tits on a
daily basis, not only because they look gorgeous, but because it's natures way of drawing them to a
fertile partner. The same goes for women being drawn to strong, secure men, which used to be just
a muscular thing centuries ago, but now, a bank account has replaced the muscle attraction for most
women. Just like animals, the female chooses the most eligible partner to breed with, so do modern
ladies. It doesn't mean they are gold digger's, it means they are looking for a secure man to have
kids with and/or to settle down with. Making sure he can take care of you and your possible offspring
is normal. Some men actually respect and yearn for a woman who expects a lot from them. It somehow
motivates them,it challenges them and most men LOVE a challenge! (Sports, wars, competitions, gambling).
Nothing wrong in falling for a man who can also support you. "Would you walk away from a fool and his money?”

 




Some women prefer to date men who can change their diapers, I mean, take care of them  ^

Q.
Please forgive my English, I am French.
Since 4 months I live with my girlfriend and her 4 yr. old daughter. My
Girlfriend is always stressed… I made everything possible to help her, I
take good care of the child. She moved in with me as she lived in a far away
town.
Since she moved in she seems always under stress, and the result is that she
is angry for nothing and talk to me like crap (so we argue a lot about that
because I hate it) + she is always so tired and he have sex only 2 / 4 times a
month (at the beginning it was a least everyday / twice a day)! The good point
is when we do, sex is always very wild and good.
I love sex, may be too much, and I feel I don't have enough, the more I ask my
girlfriend it feels like the less I have…
She tells me it's not about me, that it's only because her work is bothering
her too much, that she is not used to the stress of living in a big city + the fact
that my flat is too small (one room for the two of us + her daughter) Her
reason are right I can understand all that but the point is I really feel like
starving for sex… I know it doesn't sound nice but that's the way it is….

Crazy Horse

< Yes baby, like that

 
These guys know what women REALLY want  ^

A.
Now you know why I frown upon living with a lover. If you LOVE sex, don’t
Live together. I know, I know, it’s too late and most folks aim for it their whole
Life, but that is my personal opinion. IF you have to live with someone, having
your OWN room could keep things hot, so you may want to save up and get a
bigger place, it will be worth every penny if you are getting your leg over more
often. Now, moving onto your cold shrew. She may be drinking too much coffee,
this makes everyone STRESS out! Try to buy some decaffeinated coffee and sneak
it into her real coffee without her knowing.
Also, massage her FEET every night, each foot 10 minutes or more. Then her
legs and back, this should make her want sex, maybe even ask you for it.
Candle lit Massage and a glass of red wine and some cow-tongue oral sex should
bring on the taming of the shrew.

Q.
I am dating a college guy, who seems like a potential long term partner. All of
his friends are married (which is a good sign)  and when he invites me out on dates,
it’s usually with a few other couples. Last time the husbands were VERY friendly
to me and I got bitchy vibes from the Jersey wives. I can’t help it if I am like one of
the guys, I am fun. It’s been a week since I heard from him and I sense it could
be due to the ice storm from the wives, they may have scathed their husbands and
him for having such a social girlfriend. I also told him in a drunken moment that
“I am only interested in having fun, nothing serious”. How can I make things better?
I don’t want to lose him.
Skated on thin ice in NJ


Tell him to leave the wives at home ^
A.
It’s great that he hangs with relationship minded couples and a good sign that he
brings you into his social circle. One on one dating is already nerve wracking but
when you toss in a few bitchy females and flirty males it becomes a complicated high
school style Bitch-fest. Let him contact you first, as nothing keeps a man away from
a woman he adores, not even a challenging comment like “I don’t want anything serious”.
When he does contact you (if he doesn’t, think of it as his loss) tell him you love
being with him but are too shy for group dates. If he insists on it,
agree but tell him you would prefer just drinks or just dinner and to look for your
“lets leave” glance because you can’t WAIT to get him alone to suck his cock.
Just be yourself and if the ladies don’t like you, they will hopefully ban their
husbands from dates that include you, saving you from being the complicated nag.

Q.
My new boy friend leaves stuff behind every time he comes over to fuck me. He also
leaves a mess in my kitchen. Everything else is perfect. How can I tame this cave man?
Tidy Tess

< Typical territorial Male behavior
A.
He is marking his territory, and if he is the only one you are dating/shagging, find
a corner or drawer for his left behind ‘markings” and if that is the  only bad thing he does
( leaves a mess in your kitchen) , consider your self lucky, it’s not even worth mentioning.
Let it slide and save the bitching for important things like cheating, blatantly
drooling over other women in your presence or making you buy your own dinner/drinks.

Q.
Hopefully you don’t have to reserve a room in hell, as I know I will need one
eventually. I am dating a man who treats me like a Queen in every way possible,
it’s almost embarrassing how much he does for me. Thing is (there always is a
“thing” isn’t there?) he is FUGLY. The sex isn’t that bad after I suck down a
few drinks but I could easily live without it. I certainly can’t come as his
looks turn me off. Should I end it or tolerate it?
Beauty and the Generous Beast


A.
Looks are just an initial attraction to lure us to breed, they are great but
everyone gets old, grey and ugly as sin eventually.
Why not just fuck him doggy style? You don't look at the mantelpiece when you
poke the fire.
<  WTF? 

Ask Dr. Dot

Q.

Hi Dr. Dot,

Your column rocks!

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for almost a year. I’m 45, she’s 33, both in great health. I came close to breaking up with her a few times within the first four months,
as she did not want to become intimate. She convinced me to stay, and we’ve been having sex for several months now, and we’re monogamous. However,
she’s the least sexual person I’ve ever been with- she does not like me to touch or kiss her vagina (even the lightest touch is met with "it hurts, please don’t touch
down there"). She has a very methodical system of having sex; first she masturbates to orgasm, and then allows me entry. This is the only way she’ll allow it.
No oral either way, and not even any kissing. This is barely acceptable to me, but the frequency which she allows (I want it every day, she allows it once a week)
is not acceptable at all. Also, she never uses her tongue to kiss, keeps her mouth closed, and our kissing never lasts more than a few seconds. When I bring any
of this up, she says I am calling her an "ice princess", calling her frigid, which she gets very defensive about. She claims there has never been any molestation in
her past, and that she’s normal and I’m oversexed. I’ve had long-term, very sexual relationships in the past without complaint, but I don’t know how to handle this,
other than breaking it off. She’s a wonderful girl and very much marriage material, other than this issue.

Do you have any advice?

At Arms Length Larry

    

A.

You want it "every day"? Good luck finding someone who wants it every day for
ever and ever. Anything less than once a week is bullshit but every day could
turn into a chore. A dull routine.
In my opinion, you will have to leave her OR marry her and cheat to get your
fill. Imagine a whole life of no head, no French kissing etc.  *yawn*

 

Q.

I still live with my parents, even though I am 23. I am a very horny girl, compared to my friends. I like to have random sex (always safe sex!) with men
I just met at a party or bar. I have fucked a few guys in public and it turns me on more than in a bed. Any ideas or tips on how to make things run smoother?
I always end up getting disturbed when I jam out with my clam out.

Spanish Fly-girl

 

A.

Lead your prey into the ladies room and bring him into a stall. Lock the door and in the doggy style position, have one hand on the flusher and one on back of toilet.
Every time someone knocks or gets nosey, make really loud vomiting sounds, like you are puking your guts out and flush periodically. This yakking sound usually
sends people running. If he can keep shagging you through all that, he is a keeper. Construction sites, stair ways of hotels and malls are usually empty, just aim
for the top floor so there is no traffic. I still haven’t joined the Mile High club yet but I can imagine that would be the hottest, riskiest place ever.

< The Greek love getting naughty in Public

 

Q.

I am a flaming gay, hot 20 year old guy. I live in an area that is plagued by straight college guys, which make me Horny but confused. How do I tell if they can be
swayed to take a walk on the wild side? I don’t want to get punched out but I have to get laid or my blue balls will start dragging on the fucking ground. Send help fast.

Dainty Danny

< Flaming

 

A.

Eye contact has got to be the best way to tell if a guy likes to pack chocolate or not. When you gaze into their eyes and they get pissed off, bingo, not gay. Posting ad’s
online will save you time as well as telling waiters who you KNOW are gay that you are going home to have a pull should get you laid in no time. Embrace your sexuality
if you are gay, let it be known and word will get out and hopefully the guys who are curious or also queer will gravitate towards you. Straight guys know that buying lots
of drinks for their date increases their chances of getting in there, so why not try it on yours?

 

Q.

How can I tell if a guy has a big dick? Gawking at their hands and feet has let me down in the past.

Desperately Seeking Big Dick

A.

The Germans say you can tell by how big/small the man’s nose is. If you have a chance, just make out with them, clothes on, just bumping, grinding, feeling around.
If he doesn’t measure up to your cock standard, stop kissing and tell him “I am sorry, we are moving too fast” and politely end the date/face sucking session and move on.
My girlfriends and I have concluded that most men with giant dicks are usually GIANT DICKS. Sadly.

Placebo

I have been back in Berlin now for 5 days and I was already feeling like a stranger, amongst the bitchy Berliner's and the gray skies until I crossed the street near my house in Kreuzberg, heard "Watch out where the Huskies go" playing VERY loudly in an older man's car. I looked at him and smiled, then I felt ok again. Ok, I am not alone, I am not the only one listening to cool music here.
Little things about Berlin make it feel so far from home, like going to one of the biggest book shops here, on the MAIN drag, called the Ku'Damm (this shop could be compared to a big Barnes and Noble or Virgin Record store, on a main street which could be compared to 5th ave) – anyways, I went there today to buy a gadget that you can stick your iPod into and listen to it out loud (like the one Lemmy got from Phil in my Motorhead blog) and I was ready to plunk down a decent amount of cash for this thing and when it was time to pay, they said "oh, we don't take credit cards" (well, they said it in German ). I was like, oh you are kidding right? No, they were not kidding. A GIANT shop,with 3 floors, that has cds. dvds, iPods etc. and they don't take credit cards. WTF? No wonder Germany and Berlin in particular is in debt. Also, you have to hunt high and fucking low to find a fucking ATM machine (cash machine). Guess they really don't want your money, let them squirm. I said forget it, as I couldn't be bothered to go down 3 floors, and out side to the nearest bank to get cash.
I am just happy the Holidays are over, aren't you? Jesus! All that pressure to buy shit for people you love, to prove to them you love them by buying shit for them. The Christmas trees, wrapping paper, all that food, the closed shops… I am happy the shit is over. It's all commercial brainwashing to get you to spend, spend, SPEND. It stresses everyone out and I just don't see why we buy into it year after year. If you are over 10 years old, you don't need  a fucking present. Get over it.

Moving right along, last month I went to see and meet  (and touch) Placebo. I wouldn't know a Placebo song if it came up and slapped me in the fucking face. But hey, I did have a look and listen to the show for about 5 minutes and they sounded great. I liked them better than Tool heh heh.

.

< Nice stache

This pic ^ was taken before the show. Try to ignore the fact I am dressed like a Welches grape.

I was in the production office before the show, hanging with their tour manager, Quinner whom I have known for about 14 years and a couple German journalist from the dreaded "BZ" were suddenly alone with me in the office. They asked me if I was going to massage them and all that. Steph, the Swedish guitarist came in and sat down to do an interview with them. I sat there and listened. They asked him the dummest fucking crap I have ever heard. "do you like sex, drugs and rock and roll?" was the first one. "Do you like to have sex with groupies?" was the second one. The guy, Steph was like "WTF?!". He was trying so hard to be polite, but he is not the type to be overly happy-go-lucky and his patients was running thin. I felt so bad for him. The journalist said "we are sorry, but our boss said we MUST ask these questions". This was like the 6th interview they had given that evening and the dumb questions grow old fast.

It is NOT all fun and games being a musician on the road. I would say it's about 3 hours of fun per day and the rest is boring,tedious , annoying and hard work. Been there a bit with my band and I was like "uh, no". Touring is the worst, I feel so sorry for people who tour all the time, in fact, if you want to make any money in the music biz, it only happens with touring and merchandising. So I figure they deserve a kick ass massage. I didn't earn much that night but it was REALLY fun.

< The singer

I heard the singer is from Scotland and lived a long time in the USA as well, so he has an American accent but he said "only when I talk to you Americans". He was super polite, friendly and charming. I liked him. But by far, my favorite was the drummer, Steve. He is from Manchester, UK and has my favorite markings: light eyes, dark hair. He is mad into Hendrix and when he saw from my flyer that I had massaged Vinnie Colaiuta , he was very impressed. He said he was jealous that I got to meet him, let alone touch him. I showed him the videos I made of Vinnie during the recent Herbie Hancock sound check and he nearly fainted.

Oh well, I guess I should listen to a bit of Placebo before I meet  up with them again, if you have any suggestions as to what their best song is or best cd, a starter kit or so, let me know.

I miss NYC badly, can't wait to return. I was only there for 10 days and went out 8 nights. I have to hang low and recover now. I am working on a monster blog, a NYC blog. it is taking FOREVA! (read that with a New Englander accent please). I have to get to bed and watch some more "Meerkat Manor", I am hooked… nite nite

x

< I guess this is their most popular tune (?)