Ask Dr. Dot

I’ve had a male friend for the last year, he just recently split with this girlfriend and I fully intend on making him mine. I’ve been reading your column and totally get the fact that he will need some months to fully get over her and somehow it’s working out perfectly as he has to leave next month for 6 months to study in Belgium. My question is, how can I keep his mind on me, how can I somehow “reserve” him. If he was a shirt, I would put him on lay-away, but he’s not, he is a 23 year old hot guy who looks like Orlando Bloom. Looking very forward to your advice.
Parachute Woman

< this should get his attention

The process of turning a friend into a lover is a delicate one. You have to slowly go from buddy to their object of desire, which means not being around ALL of the time and making tiny dates just for the both of you, but keep in mind that sleeping with a guy too soon ruins everything. You know I am not old fashioned but this bit of advice is timeless. If you screw a man too soon, they will always subconsciously think of you as easy and they behave more jealous than they normally would. However, if the opportunity arrives, give him one blow job right before he goes to keep him curious as to what’s to come will help make him yours. Aim for it being the best head he’s ever to keep him thinking about you the whole time he is gone, but like I said, wait until the last possible day and only do it once.
Why do most men pull away after sex and seem so disconnected?
Brown Sugar

^ Women usually like to cuddle after sex

Men are not wired like women are. A very sarcastic but realistic way to get straight to the point: "Men cuddle to Fuck and Women fuck to cuddle". You simply can not take this personally. In fact, I found that the more apathetic I am after sex, the more the male wants to cuddle. They feel SO intimate and out of control when they have sex that they have to reestablish their Independence by pulling away, it usually happens subconsciously, they aren’t even aware that they are acting slightly selfish. I think cuddling is over rated anyways; once you are both finished with sex, give each other some freakin’ space to breathe…
Girls get energy, men basically slip into an after sex coma, they want to savor the orgasm and talking or cuddling can be distracting. Let them pull away, they will come to you when they need/want to, let them lead, there is no point making an issue out of it. use this time (when he is busy on cloud nine) to go wash your naughty parts or get a glass of water/wine etc..Don’t stress, just let things flow and understand, that is how men behave after sex..
My question isn’t really sex related but my dad just died from cancer. Is it ok not to cry? Does that mean I don’t love him? My girlfriend says I am a cold hearted. I am only 18 and I am just confused and stressed out.
Prodigal Son

All good ways to relieve emotional stress  ^

You aren’t crying because the reality of it all hasn’t registered it yet. It will hit you someday and you will break down and cry and probably be mad, sad and feel guilty that you didn’t grieve earlier, etc..
Men get kind of numb when such a thing happens. Don’t beat yourself up. But when the time comes and you feel sad, go ahead and cry, get it out, you have to or it may cause a tumor to grow from stress. Explain to your gal pal that you are in shock and to lighten up on you and be patient or she could end up being a ‘whipping post’…….

I am tired of failed relationships. I try everything (cooking all the time, dressing nice, letting them move in, buying them nice presents, doing all the house work, etc)  to keep them around, but it never works out, what do I have to do to keep them around?
Lady Jane

NOTHING. Don’t do anything you wouldn’t normally do, be yourself. If they still come and stay, it will last longer. Some people put up a false front when they meet someone new. This is unwise, as sooner or later the real you will come through and the change may be a shocking let down. In fact, a woman who gives too much makes a man feel strange and could encourage a lazy & ‘take you for granted’ attitude. Just be yourself and sooner or later, some one will adore the real you. Putting too much effort into things is exhausting and when you tire, it could back fire. And as I’ve said many times before, lots of oral sex and laughter will make anyone more desirable.

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