Ask Dr. Dot (Titty-Fuck Time/Fishy Smell/Treat ’em Mean)

Q. My husband has been asking me for a "titty-fuck" lately, I wonder where he came up with this all of the sudden. I am too shy to rent pornographic movies, being a mom and all. How does one do this correctly? My breasts are only 36 B.

Timid Tara

A. Sit him on the corner of your bed (doesn’t work if mattress is on the floor) or put him in a chair. Kneel in front of him, with lubrication gel close at hand. Blow him a bit first to make sure he is up for the occasion, then lube your cleavage a bit, stick his knob in between your breasts and squeeze them together as hard as you can, then slide your tits up and down his shaft in a nice, slow rhythm. It’s rather difficult (they make it look so easy in the "movies"). Smile and make eye contact to let him know you are having a blast. It may be difficult/impossible to get him to cum like that, so don’t take it personally; the titty fuck is mainly for wank-bank footage.

Q. My girlfriends vagina has a fishy smell could she have some kind of infection if so what could it be?

 Wondering William

 A. Bacterial vaginosis (BV) causes a fishy smell and some itching/burning (oh so fun). It’s not 100% clear how BV is related to sexual activity, although there may be a link with having a new sexual partner and/or a large number of sexual partners. The coil seems to increase the risk of BV. Sometimes the "fishy" smell comes from the sperm, after all, sperm is like a fish, a tiny Tadpole. If there is any sperm lingering around in her snatch, it could start to smell like dead fish after a while, so don’t be so quick to blame the chicks for smelling like fish when you guys are the ones who produce it.

 

^ Looks FISHY to me

 Q. I have tried everything to please my boyfriend (we are an item since 2 years). Even though he keeps getting fired, I still treat him like a king, I fuck him constantly and cook for him too. He is always in a bad mood and snaps at me all the time. I even started to use your massage tips to pamper him but it only seems to make him worse. He is super good looking and has a giant dick, so it’s hard to leave him. What can I do to cheer him up and make him happier.

Hopeless Heidi

 A. If a man hates his job or feels inadequate, it is difficult for him to be nice to his girlfriend. He probably resents you for loving him and treating him so well, as subconsciously he feels he doesn’t deserve it and gets pissed off that you put him on such a high pedestal when he knows he hasn’t earned the privilege. If they have a tiny dick, no car or hate their job, they may take it out on their loved ones. Sooo, the nicer you are, the meaner he will get. Stop putting so much effort into things, just BE. Make him swoon over you, it’s his turn to be the fucking cheer leader. You will see an immediate change. Not for all, but for some it’s : Treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen.

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