Ask Dr. Dot (Titty-Fuck Time/Fishy Smell/Treat ’em Mean)

Q. My husband has been asking me for a "titty-fuck" lately, I wonder where he came up with this all of the sudden. I am too shy to rent pornographic movies, being a mom and all. How does one do this correctly? My breasts are only 36 B.

Timid Tara

A. Sit him on the corner of your bed (doesn’t work if mattress is on the floor) or put him in a chair. Kneel in front of him, with lubrication gel close at hand. Blow him a bit first to make sure he is up for the occasion, then lube your cleavage a bit, stick his knob in between your breasts and squeeze them together as hard as you can, then slide your tits up and down his shaft in a nice, slow rhythm. It’s rather difficult (they make it look so easy in the "movies"). Smile and make eye contact to let him know you are having a blast. It may be difficult/impossible to get him to cum like that, so don’t take it personally; the titty fuck is mainly for wank-bank footage.

Q. My girlfriends vagina has a fishy smell could she have some kind of infection if so what could it be?

 Wondering William

 A. Bacterial vaginosis (BV) causes a fishy smell and some itching/burning (oh so fun). It’s not 100% clear how BV is related to sexual activity, although there may be a link with having a new sexual partner and/or a large number of sexual partners. The coil seems to increase the risk of BV. Sometimes the "fishy" smell comes from the sperm, after all, sperm is like a fish, a tiny Tadpole. If there is any sperm lingering around in her snatch, it could start to smell like dead fish after a while, so don’t be so quick to blame the chicks for smelling like fish when you guys are the ones who produce it.


^ Looks FISHY to me

 Q. I have tried everything to please my boyfriend (we are an item since 2 years). Even though he keeps getting fired, I still treat him like a king, I fuck him constantly and cook for him too. He is always in a bad mood and snaps at me all the time. I even started to use your massage tips to pamper him but it only seems to make him worse. He is super good looking and has a giant dick, so it’s hard to leave him. What can I do to cheer him up and make him happier.

Hopeless Heidi

 A. If a man hates his job or feels inadequate, it is difficult for him to be nice to his girlfriend. He probably resents you for loving him and treating him so well, as subconsciously he feels he doesn’t deserve it and gets pissed off that you put him on such a high pedestal when he knows he hasn’t earned the privilege. If they have a tiny dick, no car or hate their job, they may take it out on their loved ones. Sooo, the nicer you are, the meaner he will get. Stop putting so much effort into things, just BE. Make him swoon over you, it’s his turn to be the fucking cheer leader. You will see an immediate change. Not for all, but for some it’s : Treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen.

Massage in NYC 24/7….Meet Daryl the latest Massage therapist to join the Dr. Dot team

Finally, some one DIRECTLY in NYC that can hold the fort while I’m away or busy.

Meet Daryl, the latest addition to my growing massage team. It is SO hard to find

a dependable, STRONG and high qualified Massage Therapist in big cities, but I

got lucky when I found Daryl. I am sooo grateful to have her on my team. Please

read more about her below and have a look at her picture. If you need a kick ass massage

in the big apple,  just give me a shout. If I’m not there, I will send Daryl and if I am there

and you want the 4 handed massage, we will sort you out together!


Dr. Dot

My name is Daryl and I am a NYS Licensed Massage Therapist. Like many of Dr.

Dot’s assistants, I have made massage and healing therapies my life’s work. I

presently work in the Big Apple providing therapeutic massage work to many a

stressed out New Yorker. I may only be 5 foot 1 but don’t let that fool you… If you

need deep work, I’m your girl! My style of massage tends to be a mix of Eastern

and Western modalities, including Swedish, Shiatsu, Deep Tissue, Sports, Trigger

Point and Myofacial Release work. I am creative and intuitive, always remaining

focused on the needs of my clients. I am also certified to do Healing (Hot/Cold)

Stone massage and Pre/Post Natal massage.

In addition to my Associate’s degree in Massage Therapy from the Swedish Institute,

I hold a Bachelor’s in English from SUNY Buffalo and will be starting a Master’s in

Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine at Pacific College, this Fall ‘06.

What got me to Dot? I saw her on TV a couple of years ago and when I heard

she was looking for a NYC assistant, I jumped at the chance to be part of her team.

It’s important for entertainers to be able to perform their best. Massage can help

Keep you less stressed and in peak physical shape in order to rock our world!

In Dr. Dot fashion, I am a true lover of music as well! My favorite concerts will

always be Lenny Kravitz ‘92, Phil Collins ’87, the Black Crowes Oct, 29, 2001 @ the

Beacon, Metallica summer ‘92, Sting opening for the Dead in Chicago and all the

Grateful Dead shows through my years in college.

So now that you’re here in the city that never sleeps, come see me for a session to

work out all your kinks! Oh did I mention I give a killer foot massage?

BITCHFEST (our first gig went over well)

 < Click to hear our band


We did LOADS of publicity stuff for our first gig in Berlin. Lot's of TV spots (some were dumb, they had me massage random people on the street in front of the club) but hey, sometimes you have to sing for your supper.  That's Enno on the right. He is almost impossible to photograph, moves around so much.

Funny thing is, Sansi  ^ (guy with hat and sun glasses) is our drummer, but they had him play guitar for this one TV spot.  Sansi doing what he does best at our gig ^

; < I was surprised how packed our gig was

From left to right ^ Vitri, Enno, me, Frank (bass), Sansi (hidden) and Thimo on guitar.                ^Me with sexy groupies/dancers. I was singing Highway to Hell

The first two rows were just press. They stayed the WHOLE show. I poured a whole bottle of water over my head. I was like "fuck it, I'm wet anyways, let's just go for it".

I started with a Frank Zappa t-shirt  ^  (this was made by a friend called Ines especially for me) then I changed into a Motorhead shirt that Phil (from Motorhead) gave me. I ripped it up right before show time. Then at the end of the show I put an Aerosmith shirt on, that was customized by Ines.  I decided to just sing barefoot the whole time and I was afraid of getting electrocuted since I poured all that water on my head and there were wires and cables all around my feet, but hey, I'm still alive.


See that cutie in the shiny black rubber skirt? That is Vitri, my back up singer.                                      Jasmine in the crowd   ^ watching me belt out some Janis

 < From L to R: Enno, Vitri, me, Thimo

                    ^ The girls in action                                                                 ^  ANOTHER change of clothes (fuck, I'm worse than Cher!

Not sure if you saw our Flyer but we had a Groupie Application form on the back. Jaeger Meister saw our flyer, found the idea amazing and said they will watch our show and they want to see how we do the Groupie competition. So what started out as just a joke, actually turned into a real Groupie contest. I had some of the girls come on stage and show their stuff. Literally. Our drummer, Sansi, got a lap dance while he played.


 Christy came from far away to be there, I was really grateful.                                  ^She shared her tattoo with the crowd and they went WILD!


^ Shai and Danielle were part of the groupie game, and made the after show party in our dressing room a men magnet.^ Christy with her brews

< Um, this fella LOVES feet.

I gave Danielle (who danced for me in our version of HOT LEGS) a nice foot rub after the show ^

I have been to WELL over 3,000 shows so far and I have to say, our dressing room party was one of the best I have ever seen. Not just saying that, it really ROCKED! It was packed until 6:30 am!! A  few famous German actors popped in and there were loads of Brits raising HELL all night long. The venue is called "White Trash" and they loved us so much they asked us to play once a month starting in September. Bitchfest will play the first Wednesday of every month from Sept 6th on. I will be doing  A LOT of flying back and forth from NYC to Berlin from now on.

 < Finally some male groupies for us!


 Like I said, our dressing room was PACKED! These lads kept pounding the SHIT out of the ceiling all night, singing soccer chants (yay!)

I have written a few songs for Bitchfest. I am good with words, but can't get a melody going. I guess I am too intimidated by my musical heros. I mean, how the fuck can you top

"the long and winding road"? . I come up with lyrics everyday, then send them to my band, and then they put them to melodies. Here is one song I wrote called "Adios Hedgehog" let me know what you think about it. I feel with a name like BITCHFEST I am allowed to vent and bitch in  my songs if I want. We are not the Bay City Rollers ok?

Hey Mr. Bait and Switch, you psycho son of a bitch,
you are shorter than me, that just won't do. Only thing you could do was massage and screw,
and that's just 'cause I taught you to.

Only takes the girls weeks to escape from you. Locking them in your house just
won't do. I hope when you hear this song you start to shake and bite what's left
of your nails, get nervous like you do.

I'm glad it's over, finally sober, not drunk on your lies anymore
This parting has surely inspired, you say there are ten men
at  my door? Send one home, I'm tired

Your music bores, so save your pennies for the whores. Such a fibber,
pretentious Indian giver,

Remember this sound: What goes around, comes around, you vicious little troll.

Goodbye insecure tiny scammer, I hope they toss you in the slammer"

Move on shorty, it's over, won't take your stalkin' anymore
This parting has surely inspired, you say there are ten men at  my door?
 Send one home, I'm tired


A few days after my gig, I got into the Football mood (soccer for you yanks) and went out partying big time. I passed by this bar on Oreinienburger strasse in Berlin

and saw everyone toking off this massive pipe and had a go. It's NOT grass, it's scented tobacco so I spat it out right away,  ew! It is a very popular thing here to toke for hours off of these

"Shisha" pipes, the bars and cafes hand them out, it does smell better than cigarettes.

John  from Belfast, me, and Rory enjoy a crowded as FUCK Ku'damm after German just won a world cup game. Here were are again raising hell ^

        Christy took this  ^ shot of me spitting off a very high balcony at Tacheles  <  click to see  picture

Next day Christy and I headed to Fan Mile to watch England play against Portugal ^  (photo taken by Rory)

We were GUTTED when England lost. I feel they had no chance with an Argentinian ref, but what's done is done. We got TONS of shit from German fans the

rest of the night. They were hissing and boooing at us and telling us "Englanders" to go home. Even though we aren't English, I still got defensive at the seemingly

racial tension going on. One guy even tried to start a fight over our English shirts. 'Hello, calm the fuck down', was my attitude for the rest of the weekend to say the least.


Rory's photo of me supporting England ^                                                                                                                 the final world cup game when Italy won ^


^ Rory took some amazing pictures of the whole world cup Berliner scene, thanks for letting me use them for my blog 🙂


Ask Dr. Dot (revenge/anal birth?/kissing hell)


I am LIVID. I caught my fiance’ cheating on me a week after he proposed to me.
Is it unethical to ask you for advice on how to get revenge? I need it bad.
Hell Bent Halle


There is one web site out there that you can post naked pictures of your ex boyfriend,
 have a look:  

My current flame always says "revenge is best served cold", as in, if you
tried to get back at him too fast, he would know it was you, so take your time
planning your revenge and let it rip when it’s ready to serve.

You could do what Samantha from Sex and the City did and photo copy the naked
pictures and post them all around his work building and neighborhood, etc, and
write something on the photo copy like "BOB is  a Shit Sticker" (gay) or
something else clever like that. However, the best response is no response, try to
find something constructive to do with your rage, like blow his best friend, or
his Dad ( have a heart: only if Dad is single).

My boyfriend is older than me (he is 22 and I am 13). We had sex the other
night in the park and  I was wondering if a guy fucks you up the ass and hes not wearing a condom and
he cums up there what will happen? I mean, I couldn’t get pregnant could I? I am scared now.


< Loves young trim

First of all, is his name R. Kelly per chance? If so, expect to see a video of
your romp on line in the near future.
Trying not to pass judgment here but he sounds a bit too advanced/old for
you.  There are no reproductive organs up
your poop shoot, so relax, you can’t get pregnant from anal sex. You should
always use condoms, no matter what hole you are "celebrating", especially anal sex.

I have been dating a girl for 4 months. Our sex life is great. I have no
complaints except for kissing. I love to kiss and she is a terrible kisser.
  She opens her mouth too wide and uses only her tongue. I have tried
different things like asking her
  to hold her mouth still and let me kiss her hoping she can see how I like to
kiss. Didn’t work.I know everyone kisses different but I hate kissing her
  and am loosing one of my favorite parts of being in a relationship. What do
I do?



Sorry, but if she can’t learn to kiss you properly, it’s a deal breaker.
Kissing is super important. You have to enjoy it and even like their smell and
taste in order for it to work.
  You’ve tried to teach her, she is too stubborn/dumb/thick to catch on, so she’s gotta go. If you can’t
bare to leave her,  make the best of her wide mouth and eager tongue and Introduce her to your balls.


My boyfriend of 11 months and I finally broke up after an intense, passionate
but havoc ridden relationship. I know
he loves me as much as I love him, but jealousy (from his side) drove us
apart. ONLY ten days after our break,
I called to say hello and check up on him (read: get him back) and a girl
answered his phone (it was 2am). The next
day he emailed me and said "you woke us up. Yes, she is my new girl and she is
PERFECT for me". I am shocked in thinking
he can move on so quickly. I was sure we were just on a break, didn’t think it
was THE break. How fast does it
take for most people to move on? Are men heartless turds?

Ms. Venice

You sound gutted, like someone ripped your heart out. Welcome to love. Love is
like a dream, it hurts the most when you wake up. It usually takes women longer to get over a heart break. Men 
numb the pain with beer, Friends and new pussy. Good thing is, once the woman is finally over the man, it’s REALLY
history. After the novelty of the fresh  meat and beer wears off, the men tend to get sentimental and try to get their
ex back.
  I smell foul play in your situation. Sounds like he had been working on this
other girl for a while as nobody lets a person they just met answer their phone. He met, fell for and got THAT
close within two weeks? BULLSHIT.
Just move on. If you can be that easily replaced, you should be happy you got
that jealous (he was probably so jealous because HE was up to no good), lying asshole out of your life.
Think:  "NEXT!".


< tilt head to the right to read

Ask Dr. Dot

I need sexual tips that will make my husband happy in bed. I am fat and this makes me very unhappy,
but i still want to make my husband happy in bed.

Chubby Cher

If you’re unhappy about being "fat" then you should find time to go for fast walks as often
as you can. But that’s a whole different story. If you are heavy, the best position for sex
is doggy style or the old fashioned missionary position. You should make him sit on the corner
of the bed, with you kneeling in front of him. You can give titty fuck him and blow him, both
of which will please him and he won’t be looking at your chubby body, just your face and breasts.
Many men like big women, but if it is making YOU unhappy, then get moving and get in shape. You will
have more energy and it will increase your sexual appetite and most importantly, you won’t be limited
in sexual posistions any longer. If you can’t be bothered losing weight, keep in mind "the Bigger the cushion,
the better the pushin’". Frank Zappa.

Is there a way to shave your pussy and not get little red, painful/itchy bumps everywhere?
It’s always nice and smooth the day I shave but the next day it looks like I have the chicken pox
 on my pussy.Please help me.I have tried everything I can think of.

If you know someone will be viewing/touching your nicely shaved areas, then wait until that day to shave,
 as the second day is when the hairs start to poke through again and if they get irritated with sweat,
 perfume or heat, they can cause red bumps. There is a lotion called Tend Skin that you can put on the
freshly shaved areas AFTER the skin dries. If you can’t find Tend Skin  you can soak some cotton balls with
 alcohol and aloe Vera gel and saturate the shaved area, then let air dry. Also, change your razor blades
as often as you can afford to and avoid cheap razors, this is one area you shouldn’t try to cut corners.

The other day my boyfriend and myself were having sex and he urinated inside of me. I was wondering what,
 if anything it would do to me.


What a sick bastard. Was he too lazy to get up and piss in the toilet? It’s unhygienic and disgusting to piss
inside of someone else. If you start itching, you may want to drag it to the Gynecologists office, have fun
explaining that one.


I have been with a girl now for 8 months. We’re not legitimately going out but essentially we are.
 I’m a very sexual person and she also seems to be, but I am her first "boyfriend" and the first person she has done anything sexual with. Yet throughout our sexual relationship, she has never reached orgasm!
This bothers me mainly because I would think of myself as very good at giving pleasure, due to my past experiences with girls, always getting them to climax in obvious gratification. The problem is I can get her moaning and squirming but she gets to a point that seems like unbearable pleasure and she can’t go any further! I’ve never encountered a girl who can’t bear to go on and I often wonder if it’s psychological as opposed to physical, yet she seems completely and utterly comfortable with me so I can’t imagine why it would be a problem in her mind.
Excuse the frustrated rant, I would appreciate any help you could give!

Thank you,    – Thwarted Tom


Faking it is easy ^

"Always getting them to climax". Ha ha. Sorry to be the one to drop the bomb, but A LOT of women fake it just to get it over with, so, using the term "always" is just naive. MANY women have a problem climaxing. I personally know a large number of females who can’t cum with a partner, only with themselves and I know a few who can’t cum at all. I think she is just being honest, she moans and squirms when it feels good, but she doesn’t fake it. Many would. Try giving her oral sex, takes patients and time, but ask her where is the right spot and stick with it for at least 20 minutes. Don’t change and move around, or you will have to start from scratch. You should also ask her OUTSIDE of the bed room, if she masturbates and if so, how long does it take for her to cum. Since she seems so comfortable with you, talking about these things will make things in bed much easier. One more thing, just because a woman doesn’t have an orgasm, doesn’t mean she didn’t enjoy you banging her. Women can have just as much fun without the big O. It’s nice, but not mandatory, we don’t have a stiff cock and bursting balls distracting us constantly. Amen.


Syd Barrett leaves us….January 6, 1946 – July 2006

Syd Barrett   January 6, 1946 – July 2006


He joined Pink Floyd in 1965 but left three years later after one album. He went on to live as a recluse, with his mental deterioration blamed on drugs.

 "He died very peacefully a couple of days ago," the band’s spokeswoman said.


 "Nobody knows where you are, how near or how far. Shine on you crazy diamond. Pile on many more layers and I’ll be joining you there. Shine on you crazy diamond. And we’ll bask in the shadow of yesterday’s triumph, sail on the steel breeze. Come on you boy child, you winner and loser, come on you miner for truth and delusion, and shine"

England are still the real winners in my eyes

Total bullshit. An Argentinian referee (everyone knows they HATE the English) gets rid of Rooney; Beckham was down (got stomped on by Portugal's Nuno Valente… 

THEN the penalty goal was in, but the ref said, well, I wasn't ready, so it didn't count. I feel it was unfair. England should have won. Can you say 'conspiracy'?… 🙁

 Even Mick was "not amused"