Q.

I had been obese all my life and I had designed all my life around my obesity. Always reading, not going out, working at my local parish. One day I decided I wanted to lose weight; I became conscious of what I ate and the pounds just started to melt away! I hadn’t realized my accomplishment until my own mother didn’t recognize me and walked right by me at the supermarket! Suffice to say I lost all my friends because they said everyone looked at me now, leaving nothing for them! I was heartbroken until my  parents urged me to stop crying over people who were so blatantly jealous of me and that I should go out and live the life I had never lived with their blessings. And then my father added: "You don’t only look normal now; you look gorgeous! Why didn’t you do this earlier?"
 All my life I dreamed to be able to see my favorite band live on stage and then maybe try my luck backstage but was always ashamed of the way I looked. Even though I am proud of my looks today,  I dread that my dad is right. I think I’m way too old for daring to pose as a groupie backstage. I’m 32 going on 33, (but I’ve been told I look much younger). Do you still I got a chance of realizing my dream even if it is for just one time?

Hopeful

A.
Congrats for shedding your extra weight. It not only looks better and makes one feel sexier, it is healthier to have a normal weight. You already proved to yourself you can accomplish things you set your mind to, so trying to meet a favorite band should be a breeze compared to losing lots of weight. Start out trying to meet a couple local bands and see how they react to you. If that goes over well, why not try for your favorite band? You only live once. I wrote an informative article called  "How to get backstage without blowing anyone"  that may give you some pointers. Click HERE

Q.
Will a lady get pregnant by fucking at her back (anal or oral) not vagina? I want to fuck my girl but she should not get pregnant,please suggest me some good idea.

A.
Are you for real? Put a rain coat on your cock dumb ass.

Q.

I have been seeing a girl recently, things have gone well. Now, like any other red blooded male I feel a desire to mark my territory. I’ve tried the basics, leaving watches behind etc. etc. but I feel I should do something more permanent.  Taking ques from mother nature I am considering marking my territory with urine (not just leaving a few drops on her toilet seat, I mean pissing on her door etc.) Do you think this is appropriate in this day and age? Or is my testosterone-driven agenda clouding my rational thought process? If I decide to go ahead where would be the best place to do it?
 
Territorial Tom

A.
I think that’s a brilliant idea. Wait until really late at night when you kiss your sweetie good bye then whip it out and piss all around her building. Not her front door as that would end up smelling like Grand Central Station after a while. Just on her building or in her yard etc. Just knowing you marked your territory will give you an extra shot of confidence, an extra spring in your step, which is an irresistible trait. Try not to get caught, as that could result in making her sick or even worse, turning her on.

Q.

I just finished reading your response to the guy who thinks he doesn’t produce
enough sperm when he ejaculates. I have the OPPOSITE condition: When I cum,
it’s like a geyser, and it doesn’t matter if it’s because of masturbation or
sex. Every woman I’ve ever been with is startled after having sex with me for
the first time; they can’t believe that I have cum so much, and wonder if I
had not orgasmed for days or weeks before having sex with them. In your
response to "Little Load Larry," you said that shooting such heavy loads isn’t
normal. So is there something wrong with me?

 Big Load Al

A.
No, nothing "wrong" at all,it’s just that you are juicier. You should maybe go
into porn. Just kidding.
If the women get freaked out, just say "wow, I usually don’t cum so much, you do
this to me baby" and they will think of it as a compliment rather than as an
inconvenience or wet freak show. But don’t take it personally if none of them can swallow
your tide without pausing a few times.

Q.
Not sure if anyone has asked you this before or not, but how do you tell a girl that she has
bad breath? My new girl is great in bed and is a sweet heart, but her mouth smells like
ass. I just can’t get myself to tell her this.
Grossed out Gary

A.
I know, I know, this is a tough one. Casually mention one day that one of your work mates/Friends just
dumped his girlfriend because her breath was so bad. And/or frequently offer her mints. If she still doesn’t
get the hint, stop kissing her and offer her another mint. If that doesn’t work, she is too dumb/ignorant to
kiss anyways.

Q.

My new girl is great, sex is wonderful and everything else, BUT she has one thing about her I don’t understand. At first the sex was just normal but now she knows me better she has revealed a rather bizarre fetish. She likes to watch Wallace and Gromit as we make love. She has also moaned Wallace’s name while she touches herself. I can deal with this, it doesn’t bother me too much but recently she has gone even further. The other night she presented two costumes, one for me, one for her…of Wallace and Gromit. She wants us to wear them while we have sex, with me as Wallace and her as Gromit. I think she an amazing woman, but if I give in to this will we ever have normal sex again?

Scared Stiff

A.

*For those of you who live in a cave, Wallace and Gromit are an Oscar winning animated duo with heavy Northern English accents. Wallace is a bald man and Gromit is his dog.

Wallace does have a sexy accent, so I understand her yearning. Nothing wrong with role playing and acting out ones fantasy, as long as no one gets physically hurt. If you are dead against it, tell her you can’t shag a dog or even someone dressed up as a dog because you frown upon bestiality

Q.
I met a girl and fell madly in love she said she is also in love with me and
wants to be with me. We both are looking for a long term relationship. When we
met she told me she had mostly male friends and knows that I do not
particularly care for the situation, but am willing to meet them and work on
my own insecurities from previous relationships ( I have been hurt in the past
by a girl who told me someone was just a friend). She told me they were all
purely friends and had never been with any of them previously. Now that I have
given my entire being to her she has confessed that one of them was an ex
lover. She said when they first met they only intended to enjoy each others
companionship without any strings. But during the relationship she fell in
love with him. He told her all the things she wanted to here to get what he
wanted. When she told him how she felt the relationship ended. Now she claims
they are only friends but sees him and speaks to him regularly on the phone.
  She told me she knows it will never go anywhere but she still has very
strong feelings for him. When I found out I was devastated, I told her if she
really wants our relationship to go forward she would have to stop all contact
phone and e-mail conversations with him. She said she knows she needs to let
him go but does not know if she can. The situation is tearing me up inside
every day and now I am not sure that I can really trust what she tells me
since she was not up front with me when we met. I want so much to be with her
I’m not sure if I am thinking straight. The last time we spoke she said she
left him a message saying they need to talk and that when they do she is going
to tell him they can no longer be friends. I am not sure if she can do this and
if she does can I really believe that it is over or that they may still have
contact without letting me know. I don’t know what to do or say and need a
woman’s perspective on the situation.

Please help, "Crushed"

A.
Everyone lies a bit and it’s usually to save someones feelings from getting
hurt. She told you she still has strong feelings for him, nothing can change
that apart from time and perhaps falling deeply for you, but still, love
doesn’t die, it just subsides. I would tell her you need a break to think
about all this, which will surely show you if she can or can not live without
you. He appears even more attractive to her now because he is so forbidden, so
you need to make him less appealing. You have to put your love to the test.
This ex-boyfriend shit will never end unless you call her bluff.

Take a break and if she comes back to you, she is all yours and you will be
more confident and perhaps trust her again. If she doesn’t come back, it may hurt but
at least you will know the truth and you will be free to love someone else who puts you
number one on her list, where you deserve to be.(I would personally show her the door).

Q.
How do I convince a girl to blow me?

Eager Earl
A.
Say "Ladies first" and give her oral sex, then it will be your turn..

Q.
I have a problem with not being able to find other lesbians to have sex with. Can you give me some advice on where to find willing lesbians that would have me as a sexual partner.

Lesbo Lilly

A.
Make yourself a page on myspace.com and make it clear you are a Lesbian and look for some in your area. That site is much better than a dating site, everything is out in the open, you can see who you are communicating with and find someone close to you to meet. Unless you live in the middle of no where, there should be gay bars/clubs near you, if not, you may want to relocate to the nearest big city, as that’s where most open minded and sexually adventurous people live. Check out:  www.lesbiannightlife.com

You could always try to convert a straight girl. It’s been done a million times before. Approach a woman and say "Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side" then show her how wide you can make your tongue.Works every time.

Q.

A while ago, you disclosed your perfume to attract men in response to a horny lady. What about men? Is there a perfume that women can’t resist?

—Shower-less and Stinky

A.

Angel for Men (or its nickname “A*MEN”) by Thierry Mugler or Fahrenheit by Christian Dior. Not too much, just a dash here and there. A*MEN has chocolate in it and will make women’s mouths water when they get a whiff. The first time I massaged Depeche Mode, they were all wearing it, and I have to say, it was difficult for me to concentrate on my work. You will definitely notice more attention from the ladies when you wear these.

Q.

Why do men, straight and gay, shave their armpits? I can’t tell you how un-sexy I find this, and I’m a gay man who came of age in the Chelsea district of New York in the early ’90s—birthplace of the chest wax for guys. Don’t give me that “It’s cooler in the summer” or “It just feels cleaner” nonsense. It’s stupid! And it’s emasculating somehow. I suspect the same forces (i.e. unattractive German women who can’t get the knack of walking in heels) have moved this to the top of their lists, having been successful in their campaign to teach their men to pee sitting down.

—Hairy Hal

A.

It can’t be that gay men have given into dominating women and their wish to make the men shave. Since when do gay men give a fuck what women think/want? I think it started from certain ad campaigns and films in which shaved men were on display. Weak minds get sucked into such images and think that is what they have to do/wear/buy in order to get their pee-pee wet or at least gain a little love and acceptance. Also, young people usually have less hair so there must be a hidden agenda there (no hair=youth). I find it repulsive when men (hetero or gay) shave anything other than their face. Giving into trends or demands is just a sign of low self-esteem. Not to say shaving/waxing means low self-esteem, just pointing out that the further you go out of your way to look good and do annoying things like shave for more attention is just trying too hard, which is never sexy. Being yourself, hairy and all, is the hottest thing on earth in my eyes. When I see hetero men with shaved armpits/crotches, I cringe: It’s a sign of being high maintenance and vanity. Shall we start a “stop shaving” campaign? I will be your biggest supporter. Let it grow!

Q.

Why is it that when I masturbate I ejaculate only little sperm?

—Little Load Larry

A.

It could be that you need to drink more fluids, and if you wank many times per day, naturally it can’t be a full load every time. Even if a drop comes out, it’s still enough to populate the world, so don’t panic and try not to compare your load size to those one sees in porn. Those guys are chosen because of their (1) large schlongs, (2) stamina and (3) liters of spunk that shoot out of them (all of which are not the norm). 

Q.

My boyfriend and I have had anal sex twice now. I have never had a strong urge to do this, but I am willing to try anything. The problem is that it scares me how much he likes it. The intensity of his orgasm is much greater than when we have vaginal intercourse. I also feel less connected to him this way, almost used. It isn’t that it is not at all pleasurable for me, or that I don’t want him to experience the greatest possible pleasure. I just feel he will want it more than “regular” intercourse. Am I weird for feeling used and less connected emotionally to him because of his intense enjoyment of anal? Help me please!

—Pain in my Ass

A.

I’m sure most of the girls reading this feel you. We wonder, “Now that he’s had my ass, will he always want my ass? Does he like my ass better than my pussy?” and, “Since when is ass back on the menu?” I have asked many men about this ass phenomenon, and they do admit the fascination is due to the tight fit and most importantly, because it’s so taboo and dirty (literally). You are the boss of your body, so don’t put up with anal sex if you don’t like it. If it’s just “OK” with you and you do it as a favor, use it as a treat, like once a month or on special occasions. If you give in every time, he will think he can do whatever he wants with you, whenever he wants. If it’s a treat, he’ll appreciate it more. No point in wasting time analyzing why he wants to fuck your ass, just be happy he likes to be in you. But make sure you call the shots.

< Some men love receiving anal sex too

Q.

I am an eighteen-year-old college student get really horny. But when my bf and i
fuck each other he says the wrong name. Could this mean that he is putting his
cock in some other girls pussy? Is this normal?

A.

It could mean he is not over his ex or he is indeed fucking other girls. Sooner
or later, one should learn to just use the term "sweetie/babe/honey/cutie" so
that this problem never occurs in bed.
If you want to have some fun, next time you fuck him, yell out a woman’s name when you cum.
 When he asks "what the fuck?"it will be your cue to tell him "doesn’t feel good does it?".
Or you could just stick to the story that you also sleep with a woman from time to time to
keep him guessing, just like he keeps you guessing. Mystery keeps things hot.

Q.

I just came back from a business trip and my wife seems super loose in the
pussy.  After a couple days she felt normal again.  Then after another business
trip the same thing happened.  I am wondering why she could feel so loose, the
only time I have felt her that loose is after we use something like a cucumber
in her.  What do you think?

A.

Perhaps she is screwing the UPS man and his cock is ooooh so much wider than yours, OR she
has a monster dildo that you don’t know about.
I think her "feeling loose" could be that she is very wet and horney because she is excited
to see you/fuck you again. You say after a few days it returns to normal,
it could be because she got bored of your ass already. Absence does make the heart/genitals grow fonder.

ps. The ONLY way you can ensure she is saving her self just for you, is to get her one of these:

Q.

Dear doc, i’ve been hearing about a muscle called the "Vip Muscle", it is suppose
to give guys more orgasms and some penis growth by exercising it. but i have no
idea where the hell it is located.   could you help? thanx

A.

There is a book called ‘Scientifically Guaranteed Male Multiple Orgasms and Ultimate Sex’ by Alan Ritz.
My suspicion is that the author pulled this term out of his ass to get quick shooters/tiny men to run to the shop
to buy his book. However, there is a muscle called the vastus intermedius profundus (VIP) in rabbits.
And there is a vastus intermedius in humans, but it’s origin is Anterior and lateral shaft of femur
and it’s purpose is to extend the knee, which is ironic as when most men cum they
extend their knees, you know, flex their legs straight, point their toes. Anyways, the vastus intermedius
is muscle that has nothing to do with the penis.
You could buy the book and decide for your self. Silly me, I always thought the man’s VIP muscle was his cock.

 < The vastus intermedius muscle is sadly not a secret cock muscle, sorry.

One of the funkiest keyboardist on earth died today. Billy played with the Beatles first and then the Stones noticed how amazing he was and then scooped him up for themselves. He toured not that long ago with Clapton as well. Basically everyone in the music biz knew who he was and respected him greatly. I have some old Stones video's (bootlegs) and Mick bascially dry humped Billy on stage rather frequently, he was just a people magnet oozing with talent. Sorry to see him go.

I landed in Berlin this morning at 7:30 am and now I've been awake almost 48 hours so excuse any mistakes please. Phil from Motor Head just called me from the club here in Berlin called WHITE TRASH (it's the best bar/club/venue in Berlin). It's totally rock and roll, I love it. That's where my band BITCHFEST will make our debut on June 22nd… Anyways, he wanted me to come out and raise hell with him and who ever else he is with from the band but I had to decline, I am fucking TOAST at this point (not literally screwing toast, you know what I mean).

Rather than coming home and just going to bed I went and practiced with my band, I have to say, we are GREAT! lol… really tight!  YES!

 My favorite Massage assistant Catherine just text me, she just massaged Debbie Harry (Blondie) in Vienna, Virginia, she is super excited. Blondie is a wonderful woman!! YAY! Our team is doing so well… Tomorrow I am on call to massage Mr. Clapton and band, but you just never know, not good to get one's hopes up. Then the next day is ROGER WATERS!!!! *sigh*. I actually BOUGHT tickets to his show for Jasmine and I, didn't want to take ANY chances at all. If I end up massaging him, I will give my tix away to my buddies as it is WAAAYYY sold out. He will play the whole Dark Side of the Moon album. It will be a giant orgasum for my ears. I have to get my jet lagged ass into bed greetings from Berlin, home of the World Cup 2006!! x Dot