Ask Dr. Dot

Q.

 Dear Dr. Dot, I’m a man in my mid-forties and I’ve been in a steady stream of relationships since I was 18. I’ve never really been able to enjoy the single life. I always seem to rebound right into another one. Mostly out of convenience, I think. I’ve recently become single and I’m really enjoying the freedom. My past relationships seem to have been like one long date (averaging about 2 years).

 I owe this to my complacency and not being as good at the game as the women I’ve loved/or not loved. And for this reason I feel like I’ve always been with the wrong woman when the right one came along. But my question is this: How do I stay single and happy? It seems most women fall in love with me the moment I have sex with them. Forgive the arrogance of that statement, but it’s an experience I’ve had many many times. Even when I explain that my goal is to stay single, they seem to just take that as a challenge. I don’t want to be celibate and I don’t want to be tied down. I want to be single until someone I really like comes along and love grows out of a "mutual desire" to be together forever. Which brings up another question: In this day and age, is it improper to date more than one person at a time? And that brings up this question: How truthful should you be to these women about the other women? It seems things stay uncomplicated if I don’t sleep with anyone but…c’mon. Any light you can shed on this is very much appreciated.

 Free-Bird Frank

A.

 My Grandmother told me to "play the field" until you find the right one. You said you are upfront to the ladies that you just want fun and to remain single, so of course you should do what and who you want. If they don’t like it, show them the door. Ask them if they would prefer a lying coward who claims he is loyal or a brutally honest (and brave) man who puts all his cards on the table. I prefer the honest approach personally. Going with out sex just to hold onto your freedom is like bombing for peace. It’s just stupid. Sex is one of the best things on earth (besides music) so never deprive yourself of that. The fact that they all "fall in love" with you after you fuck them is a compliment but I hate to break the news to you, it’s normal, happens all the time if the sex is even remotely good. Most women feel that if you are IN them, you love them. They usually equate the love feeling with how good the sex is. (Also, it is rather hard to find a man who lets the ladies cum first AND can lick them until they cum, so once they get a hold of one of those men, they hang on tight!). You can either start pretending to be a shitty lay, or stand by your rules, which are as clear as day in my eyes. Stop being so wishy washy and stand up for your freedom, don’t let the pussy whip you.

                                                  

Q.

 My boyfriend (since 4 years) is really pissing me off. He is addicted to watching the World Cup soccer crap on TV and it’s ruling our lives. We live together so I have to see and hear all the dam games. On weekends it’s worse, he goes to Sports bars and watches them with his buddies. This Soccer thing will go on until the end of summer, I don’t know how to deal with this situation that long. I have tried crying, yelling, screaming, nothing works! Worst of all, he doesn’t screw me as often as he used to. I feel left out and need ideas on how to get me back onto his menu. I don’t want to leave him for another but this World Cup BULLSHIT is pushing me to my limits! Frustrated Frida A. Men love to watch other men chase balls around, you can not change this phenomenon. You should get busier with your own life so his hobby doesn’t annoy you so much. Even if you left him for another man, the new man would probably also have a hobby that diverts his attention from time to time. . Bitching and moaning and pouting will only make the game look much more exciting. When he is watching the games at home, make sure you know when the big breaks are and just come into the room wearing only a smile and blow him

. This will remind him in a nice way how much fun you are. Actions not words my dear.

 Q. What will happen if I stick pencil in my vagina?

A.

 I didn’t have to answer this stupid fucking question, but I want my readers to know how ridiculous most of the questions that are sent my way each day are. This has got to be one of the dumbest ones so far. Part of me thinks a horney 13 year old boy wrote that question, but if not, and it is truly from a female, all I can say is (1) It won’t get sharpened (2) Never stick a pen or pencil in any of your holes. They can harm you by their sharp edges and germs AND they may get stuck somewhere and you will have to go the Emergency room and explain how dumb/desperate you are. If you can’t find a man to plug you and can’t afford a decent dildo, you can always use an unpeeled (and washed) smooth skinned cucumber……..

        

…..I suppose this answer puts me on the Highway to Hell, but then again, you should love your veggies.

Dr. Dot

 

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