Q.
I really love it when a girl fingers my ass and secretly wish for more, as in, a dildo. Am I a weirdo for enjoying this and how can I get girls to participate in this without freaking them out?
A.
People have been shoving things up their asses since the beginning of time, so you can’t be all that weird. No need to come out and ask for anal penetration, just slowly guide her hands to where you want the fun. You could always buy her a dildo and act like it’s for her and then one night in a drunken blur, guide her hand with dildo in tow up your poop shoot ("ram it ram it ram it, ram it up your poop shoot"). Why all the fear of kinky sex? If it feels good, do it.
Q.
My fiance’ is insanely jealous. He makes a mountain out of every mole hill. I love him A LOT, but I am afraid of his dramatic behavior (he tells his Mother about every incident and over exaggerates, making me look like a tramp). Not sure what she thinks of me by now. Do you think he will calm down after we are finally married?
A.
A little bit of jealousy is normal, it is a sign of passion and interest, it shows the person loves you and is afraid of losing you to others BUT too much jealousy is an illness that can’t be cured. When it’s too dramatic, it is more about power and control rather than love. Extreme jealousy is a sign of insecurity and nothing, not even marriage and/or having kids together can fix it (therapy might help). As far as his Mom goes, the Mom will always take the sons side, even if he is a mass murderer, so don’t waste your time trying to gain approval, either they like you or they don’t. What his family thinks of you is the least of your problems when you have a jealous, tattle-tale type guy up your ass. In the end, the person has to be easy to be with or it’s not worth it. Life is short and difficult enough, why add more stress and drama to it? If your partner causes more trouble then pleasure, it’s time to break free.
Q.
I am a 44 year old single woman and have lost hope in finding love again. The on-line dating scene has lead to nothing but dead ends and I feel strange going out to bars. All of my girlfriends are married or taken so I would have to go out alone which makes me feel desperate. Any hope for us older folks?
A.
Old? You are still younger than Madonna! Stop looking for love, just keep busy, stay healthy and groom yourself the best you can and it will find you when you are happy being alone. I know several people who met "the one" late in life. The harder you look, the longer it will take before you meet "him". Life is like a river, just let it flow, don’t try to swim against the current, it fucks everything up. No one will come and rescue your lonely, miserable self, no matter what age you are. People are attracted to happy, positive people, not lost and lonely souls. That "Pick me, I’m sad and lonely" crap only works for animals in pet stores.