Ask Dr. Dot

                                                    

Q.

Hi Dr. Dot,  I have been all over your web sites and think you look fabulous. I want to know what your secrets are on how to stay in shape and look so healthy. I have gained at least 5 pounds since Thanksgiving and my face is breaking out! No one will want to fuck me looking like this. I need help FAST!

Porky Pam

A.

Dear Pam,

start power walking and/or jogging every day for at least 40 minutes. I don’t know how heavy you are, so I can only suggest jogging. If you are a huge, then stick to the power walking. Eat every two hours, but something small, like some cheese and an apple, then in two hours, tofu and a veggie, then nuts and a half of banana, then fish (ew, I hate fish) and some salad, you get the idea, small meals but very often. Bring healthy food with you every where, people will think you’re nuts, but it really works. This will jump start your metabolism. Just make sure you don’t eat for at least 2 hours before bed. Why put gas in a car that will be parked all night? As far as your skin is concerned, change your pillow case every other night, this really helps! Take 2 aspirins and crush them with the bottom of a glass. Then add a bit of water and make a paste and rub it all over your face, especially where the zits are. Leave on for 15 minutes then wash off with cold water (for a more dramatic effect, throw in a alka seltzer tablet with the aspirin). This will rid the zits and make you look like you just had a wonderful shag. Drink loads of water and avoid sugar, smoking, caffeine and alcohol, this should help, but you have to stick with it.

Q.

I got my girlfriend pregnant, but not on purpose. She told me she was on the pill and I thought it was safe to shoot my love into her. We have only been going out for two months and we are both young (I am 20 and she is 23). I like her but don’t love her enough to spend the rest of my life with her or to support a child with her. She just sent me an email telling me this and I am too shocked to respond. How can I get her to get rid of the baby? Answer as soon as possible.

Petrified Pat

A.

For you and all the other guys reading this, always use a condom if you don’t want a baby or a disease! My brother used to say "I don’t bathe with my socks on, so I’m not gonna fuck with a condom on". Great now he has kids all over the place. Now back to your present dilemma. Ask to meet her in a public place so there is less screaming/drama. Sit down with her and look her in the eyes and say "So, what do you plan to do?". This is a neutral question that will force her to speak her mind and it doesn’t make you against or for keeping the baby, hence, when her decision comes out, you will be on her good side no matter what. You can’t change a woman’s mind about such a thing and if you say you are against her having it, and she does have it, she will hold it against you forever and will probably tell the kid too once it gets older. If she has it, it doesn’t mean you have to be with her for life, it just means you are a father and should support the child any way you can, which can be the most rewarding, beautiful thing one can do in this life. Procreation: isn’t that what we are all here for anyways?

Q.

A man I know gave me a very expensive diamond necklace for Christmas and I love it, but I know he is into me much more than I am into him. I am not sure if it’s ok to keep it or not, I mean, I feel obligated to him now. What would you  do in my shoes?

Bling Baby

A.

I would pawn it off and buy the complete Frank Zappa collection on cd and vinyl. No, seriously, if you aren’t gonna sleep with the guy, give it back and say "It’s gorgeous, but I could only accept that if we were a couple, and I’m just doing my own thing right now". No jewelry is worth the drama of obligation. Save up and get your own bling, the self respect that comes with it makes you radiate self confidence, which is the worlds hottest aphrodisiac.

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