How is Berlin? Grey, cold, moist, dark at 3:15pm every day. The people on the streets can’t afford to smile, you know the same ol’ scene it always is, December in Berlin. However, in my flat, there is roaring laughter and loud music filling the air. Jasmine and I are having a great time. It is really ODD being in Berlin and living around the corner from Petra’s house and not seeing here though.  I have bust out in tears a few nights (when Jasmine is out with her pals) , but other than that, all is well. My other best friends, Andrea and Martina make it feel good to be back here.

Internet and phones make it possible for me to be anywhere and keep in touch, but seeing Jasmine can only be done here and in person, so it looks like I will be spending more time here in the new year. She will be 18 (YIKES!!!!) in June 2007, and then who knows where she will wander to. If she chooses NYC, then I will continue over there, but no one can predict the future. I will spend most of my time here in Berlin and visit NYC, as opposed to the other way around. I have my career going well over there in NYC, so I don’t have to be there 24/7 and if anything big comes up I will just pop over.

My Dad just made my day. He sent me 4 ZAPPA cd’s. Waka Jawaka, Hot Rats, The Grand Wazoo and Shut up ‘n Play yer Guitar! I have all of these on cassettes (remember those?). I have about 500 cassettes under my bed in NYC but never use them. Now I have them on CD, YAY!!! Life is grand! What a cool DAD!

We have NO Christmas decorations in my house, but there are presents. Jasmine doesn’t like the whole Holiday thing either, so it’s not just me. Be nice to each other and have a great meal, but why stress over buying things and rushing all for one day? All of my pals are exhausted and moaning that they have spent too much, this is why I am a grinch. All that pressure isn’t good for anyone. We just cook, listen to good music and chill.

Anyhow, Jasmine and I are off to the Picasso Exhibition, I wish you fun and as little stress as possible for the Holidays..

Hugs,

Dot

ps. There has been talk of marriage, woah!                                       

Heading to Detroit any time soon? If so and you think you may find time for an amazing massage, let me know asap. I am proud to announce that I have just hired Darlene, the lastest Massage assistant to grace our Massage team. She is extremely professional and talented, basically over qualified. Read more about her below (see her picture) and get in touch any time to book her. Thanks!

Dr. Dot

From Darlene:

Back in Berlin and too tired to download and upload my new pictures at the moment… Super happy my team has been working on the Brian Stetzer Orchestra in Detroit and will be taking care of Blondie and band all over the UK. My NJ massage assistant, Suzanne worked on Ashlee Simpson on my behalf and said she was super sweet. Our team is growing like talented weeds, yay!

Anyhow, to any future Mother-in-law that may be reading my blog, please excuse my foul language, I can’t help it, I was raised backstage and my column has to be raw and blunt to work it’s magic, don’t judge me too harshly, I can cook and clean too….

Q

Dear Dr. Dot,

My boyfriend wanks all the time, sometimes he is even too tired for sex with me. Can a guy be addicted to wanking, porn, or both?

Suzy Cream-cheese

A.

Dear Suzy,

A man doesn’t necessarily need porn to wank. Throughout their day, they gather sexy images they see,  for example, a hot waitress bending down to wipe the floor or some cleavage they saw on the underground and they store these hot images in their "wank bank" for use later when they are wanking, or even fucking their girlfriend to spice things up. There is nothing wrong with wanking, it’s like breathing for them, you can’t stop it and shouldn’t even try to, don’t even mention it, no one fucks them like their hand. Porn is the best invention on earth as far as men are concerned. 99.9% of men watch porn. It’s fine as long he doesn’t leave it laying around for all to see or let it replace your sex life. You could suggest wanking with him. You both watch a "video" together and lie side by side and wank (if you don’t know what wank means, it’s slang for masturbate- it’s shorter and sounds better than "jerking off"- I fucking HATE that term). Or ask him if he will let you watch him wank, in order to please him better or vice versa. If he isn’t into any of that, just let him wank away, you can’t compete with a man’s hand and at least he is fucking his hand and not other women.

Dr. Dot

Q.

Hey Dr Dot,

how can I get my chick to let me fuck her ass? I love anal but she won’t go for it.

Ass Man

A.

Watching girls in porn get it up the ass leads men to believe we all secretly want it in the poop shoot. Honestly, it’s a real pain in the ass and those eager chicks in porn are getting paid to act like they want it in the ass. Don’t let those videos fool you. I don’t know one girl who likes anal sex (please spare me the emails telling me you know tons of chicks who love anal). Some females even do it to keep their man, to be the unique creature that does take it up the ass, secretly suffering all the while. Before I give you tips on how to convince her, let me suggest taking a dildo and ramming it up your ass repeatedly (wouldn’t want you missing out on any of the fun). If that feels good to you, then proceed with asking her again to allow you to fuck her in the ass. Make her cum first, either orally or through penetration. This will make her more tolerant, happy and loose. Roll her onto her belly and massage her butt for a while, then perhaps lick her too (hopefully she showered pre-sex). Start with your fingers and lots of lube. If she is ok with this, you are half the way there. Roll her over again onto her back and tell her you heard this is the least painful position to have anal sex. Let her guide your cock so she has control as to how fast, how deep etc. Never just force yourself in there, it’s super painful (unless you have a dick the size of a little finger). That is the most gentle way to introduce her into anal sex but if she doesn’t want it, fantasize about it, you shouldn’t push the issue. If she does go for it, know that it is really bad to go from the back door back into the front door again without showering first; never bring anal germs into the sacred vagina.

Q.

Hi Dr. Dot, you have helped men figure out what to do when their woman doesn’t want sex, but what about when the man doesn’t want sex? I chose my boyfriend because he was as into sex as much as I am. We have been together for 2 years and have a 1 year old child. Halfway through my pregnancy he lost his sex drive and it has never returned. He doesn’t even want me to blow him. What can I do? I need sex and it’s hurting my feelings that he rejects me. He’d rather drink beer and watch TV now. Would bringing him to therapy save our sex life? Could you suggest a good therapist here in NYC?

Horney Heidi

A.

Dear Heidi,

It may be hard for you to imagine this, but it sounds to me like he
is cheating on you. This is just a possibility. A lot of men
cheat on their pregnant girlfriend/wife. And that doesn’t mean they would dump the lover(s)
when the baby arrives. Something about a
pregnant woman makes a man want to cheat. Look at Mick Jagger and Boris Becker,

both cheated while their wife was pregnant and these are
just a couple of famous examples. Men sometimes freak out when the reality of being together
forever sets in (unless it was they who insisted on the baby), and pregnancy and being slightly less important then they
used to be sets the stage for wanting an affair.
Men HATE therapy and even mentioning it to him will drive him further away. In
my opinion, it would only make things worse! It’s Mother Nature’s catch 22 that having a baby

to show a man you love him, actually is what drives them into the arms of another or dampens

the sex life you once had for each other, but that’s how it works sometimes. Sometimes men want

to think of their pregnant wife as pure; Holy, basically unfuckable. It is hard for some guys to think of

the mother of their baby as sexy, so you have to work at it a bit to prove them wrong, show them you

are still the hot bitch they once lusted after. All you can  really do is be yourself, and dress/act sexy
around him when the baby is asleep, or if you have the money, get a baby
sitter once a week (or trade with another Mom) and insist you two go out together on a date (don’t call it a date).
Paying a baby sitter is far better then paying for a therapist which would
make him feel like you are accusing him of fucking things up. Don’t even
mention the word THERAPY! He is being a normal man, they get bored with the
whole baby thing and/or domestic routine. Make sure you find time for him, just
like before the baby came. Don’t talk about it the change, just do it. Dress hot when you two go out and
get my secret weapon perfume "Hypnotic Poison" by Christian Dior. NO man can resist
this smell. Offer him a massage after you two go out- this is the prefect way to get him

loose and in the mood without being too forceful. It would be best to let him make the first move and if it

never comes; if he never wants sex with you again, you have to either accept it or move on, no one should

stay in a relationship that has no touching, caring, sex or passion.

Dr.Dot

Sure it was long ago,  but he is still missed greatly.  I am in the UK again and Jasmine just called me from school yelling above John Lennon music that her school was having a tribute to John outside of the school with loud music and candles. I heard Number 9 dream playing in the back ground as we spoke. Can’t wait to get back to Berlin and give her a massive squeeze. To say that I am confused as to which country I will live in next, or stay in, etc, is an understatement. I crave stability like draught craves water. I just want to live in one place and have one life;  it’s exhausting living so many lives all over the place and living out of a suitcase most of the time.  It’s not glamorous and fun, it’s a pain in the ass and it leads you to a sleep disorder.
The last decent night sleep I had was on Thanksgiving evening at my Dad’s. I felt at peace, safe and loved, putting all worries out of my head. Love is also a confusing factor. I am in love but can’t tell you about it, I like to keep that stuff secret; it is bad luck to talk about your love life too much.  But I can say it is making me fucking confused as to where I shall live.  I do want another child, but also have my career booming and wouldn’t want to bring a kid into all of this uncertainty. It will be great when I have answers and know what and where you know? Not wanting a pity party, just thinking out loud. I don’t blog daily as there isn’t always good news and rock star pictures to share and my confusion would maybe just confuse you as well. 
I am leaning towards being in Berlin again for Jasmine, but we’ll see how much she really wants/needs me there.  NYC is great and seems to be the place to live for my career goals, bu Jasmine is’t there and t who knows about the love life then.. I need to clone me fast then all will be fine. Meanwhile, I’m off to walk around and take pictures…