Ask Dr. Dot

Dr. Dot,
my man keeps complaining that our sex life is getting boring. It worries me
that he will start sniffin around. I know that he has been going to strip
clubs and that is not good. I am willing to try anything to get him hot again;
rock his world. I have tried renting porn for us and wearing sexy undies, what
else can I do?
Fran

Dear Fran,
It’s like a full time job coming up with new ideas on how to entertain the boy
friend, but oh so fun .They go to strip clubs because these girls play. They
love to play. Next time you know he is coming over/home and you have the place
to yourselves, get a mirror, prop it up against a wall. When he comes in, tell
him to sit in a stool near the mirror with his pants off. Once you are naked,
kneel on down and blow him like he has never been blown before, while he
watches your pussy in the mirror (make sure the lighting is nice and he has a
great view). If you want to get creative, you can insert your fingers inside
yourself or your favorite dildo, all so he can watch while you suck on him.
This will make him melt. Men love mirrors and new ideas, get busy and
creative, it all leads to fun, which he should be getting at home, not in
clubs.
Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
I’ll do the best I can to keep this short and to the point but it’s
complicated.

The situation is I’ve been married almost 10 years. I love my wife dearly (and
she loves me), but her sex drive is gone, and I mean GONE. In the beginning we
had sex constantly, but now it’s become “pity sex” on her end of things, and
only has sex when she can tell I can’t take it any longer (sometimes months at
a
time of nothing).

She’s 42 and I’m 36. When we met she got pregnant 8 months later. We now have 8
year old and a 6 year old daughter. Everything was great until she got pregnant
the second time. I almost had an affair during this pregnancy we were so
distant
with each other.

Since then it has been years of up and down. She has gotten so pissed of at my
Sexual needs she has actually told me to go fuck other women, just don’t tell
her
about it. She months later admitted she didn’t really mean it, but nothing
improves
We’ve tried marriage counseling and I’ve tried everything on the planet to get
her in the mood!
She has TONS of excuses to make me feel like I’m being way too demanding
wanting sex
all the time, but it’s not like I’m mentally deciding to torment her with
this. I
just have raging hormones, more than I did when I was a teenager! She doesn’t
kiss (never really did) never instigates anything, is boring in bed and only
goes beyond quickly sex if I demand it. Sex is now usually with her on her side
and coming in from the real (spooning) so it’s less work for her. I usually
masturbate once a day to relieve my hormones demands and to take the pressure
off us.

Conversations lately have turned to divorce as she feels she just isn’t the
person for me despite how much we love each other. I’ve even talked about
extreme measures like annulling the marriage to take that “pressure” off
things,
but she has balked at that and says if we do that then she’d rather just leave.

This all just seems so fucked up, and I’m running out of hope. I love my wife
and children and do NOT want a divorce, so how can I either get my hormones
under control or help her get her’s back? I think we are both on an extreme end
of the spectrum and we both need some help getting back to a middle ground.
I’ve
heard Ecstasy is prescribed by marriage counselors to allow people to open up.
Perhaps something like this may allow us to get in touch with each other again?
The one time I took it recreationally, it seems like it could have that effect.

I’ll try anything and listen to any advice at this point! You really seem to
have your shit together about relationships and sex, so I would really value
your advice.

Raging Mike

Dear Mike,
believe it or not, your letter is a standard letter, sadly. I get tons of
these from frustrated husbands, who are starved from sex and only get the
occasional ’60 second spoon fuck’ to shut them up. People seldom say things
they don’t mean, at least a little. She told you the answer, “go fuck other
women”, just be super discreet about it. Finding out would hurt her, that’s why
she said “I didn’t really mean that”.
I am sure I will get a fair amount of hate mail from the ladies after this,
but you have no choice really but to shag around. (Think of it as just
exercising with other women. Taking “Ecstasy” is not the answer, drugs never
are. I am sure everyone is aware of the fact, that most men cheat, it’s in
their nature, nothing anyone can do about it. Everyone has their own
definition of cheating. Being
true to the heart but cheating physically seems to be the most harmless
definition. You’ve tried everything; it’s
either have a lover or divorce. If you divorce, chances are, sooner or later,
your new lover may grow tired of screwing you as well, so why not have the
best of both worlds? Try your hardest at not getting caught, as it, never give
out your phone number or address and be up front about it to your lover “This
is just fun and I mean that”. Avoid needy, clingy single women (think ‘Fatal
Attraction’).Life is too short to miss out on sex. Most importantly, one must
be true to themselves and if you are a horn dog, then be one and be proud
about it, just be clever and try not hurt anyone.
Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,

I moved to the USA from Wales a few months ago to be with my American girlfriend. We are really into each other, I love her a lot. We have one problem (doesn’t every couple?), I am uncircumcised, as are all Europeans, and she keeps begging me to get snipped. She says “all American guys are cut; it will much better if you do it too”. She is putting pressure on me and I am afraid if I don’t do it, she may dump me for a clean cut man. Does this operation hurt? What are the pros and cons? I really like my willy just the way it is, but I am whipped.

Sean Cockery

Dear Sean,

85% of the men are uncut, just as nature intended. Long ago,  somewhere in the USA someone thought boys are too lazy to push back the skin on their cock to clean it, so it’s best to save them the trouble and just cut it off at birth. I am sure this hurts beyond belief and can’t believe people are still ignorant enough to do that to their new born baby boy. Would your girlfriend make her tits bigger/smaller if you asked her to? I doubt it. Changing for anyone is always a bad idea, unless it means quitting a bad habit like smoking or drinking too much. Altering one’s body for another is ludicrous. Tell her “as is” and if she doesn’t like it, she can find one of the 15% of cut men for her date. On a personal note, I prefer men uncut, in their natural state, the full Monty.

Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,

I love your column! I took your advice and have started to swallow my mans tide to make him happy, but I choke on it every time and end up spitting it out, which makes him even more pissed off than he was when I wouldn’t swallow it in the first place. I am trying but can’t seem to get it all down. How the hell do you do that?

Sandy

Dear Sandy,

When you feel him about to shoot his load, aim it towards the side of your mouth and save it like a Gerbil saves his nuts and take tiny sips; just swallow a tiny bit at a time. Trying to swallow it all at once would make most people gag. Try not to have it aim towards the back of your throat, that is asking for trouble. If he asks why is it taking you so long to swallow, tell him you are savoring it, like a fine wine.

Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,

I fucked a guy on the first date and now I am wondering if it could ever last. We were both so excited and a bit drunk, we couldn’t resist, but now I think I really like him, how can turn what was supposed to be a one night stand into love? I really want this guy!

Pamela

Dear Pamela,

What will be, will be. As old fashioned as it sounds, it still holds true: sleeping with a guy on the first date will discredit you a bit. Thing is, the longer you make him wait, the more he’ll trust you. If he has to wait months to get you into bed, he will trust that when you go out on the town with your friends, nothing naughty will happen. If you shagged on the first date, he may be thinking (even if it is subconsciously) that you could do the same when he isn’t around. In other words, if it was easy for him to fuck you, it could be easy for other guys too. Try not drinking around him for the next few dates and show him that the alcohol was partly to blame for your “easy” behavior. If the guy is into you, he will keep after you, if he isn’t you will know about it. Let him lead the way, don’t try to make things better by chasing him or showing extra amounts of attention/love, or worst of all, apologizing,  just ‘BE’.

 Dr D.

Dear Dr. Dot,

I am taking an acting class and there is this HOT Latino chick who sits across from me and I am so into her, I spank my monkey almost nightly thinking about her. She has a BIG diamond ring on her finger, I am sure she is taken, not sure if she is married or engaged, but taken. Do you think married chicks fuck around? How could I find out? I have to fuck this girl or I will die. I would walk 10 miles on broken glass to use her shit as toothpaste, ok? Help me out!

Jimmy Jones

Dear Jimmy,

Of course taken girls fuck around. You would just have to give her a dam good reason to. If she has a big rock, chances are she may think “if you can offer me a bigger rock/cock I might” but she may not want to risk losing her man. There is only one way to find out and that’s to ask her in a clever way. Just as married men tell women “well, yes, I am married, but we are heading towards divorce” or the ever popular “My wife hasn’t fucked me in years, please save me”, taken women also will let you know how faithful they are. Try this one “wow, what an amazing ring, you must be madly in love huh?” or “how long have you been happily married?”. Both of those questions will get you the answer you are looking for. If she says “yes, I am madly in love” then your answer is NO WAY FUCK FACE. If she says “well, I love the ring, but my man ignores me/is dead/is in jail/hates me” then BINGO, you have your invitation. May I rot in hell for helping people cheat.

Dr. Dot

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