In 12 hours I am flying to Europe again for two whole months. I will decide what I am doing next at that point. I spent most of the day today filming with a TV production company (won’t mention any names). They find me exciting and are thinking of doing a show with me, or even perhaps my own show. I have heard this all before so I won’t get excited about it now.

A woman named Jessie flew up from Houston to take the Dr. Dot test. In order to join my world wide team of Massage Assistants, you have to massage me to prove how good you are. I needed a body to massage today for the filming and so I massaged her. Then after that I was interviewed for ages, all the while Jessie was pumping the parking meter with quarters so I wouldn’t get a ticket. She was such a big help and so fun, we got along great. When the TV crew left, she massaged me and I was very impressed. When I told her "You’re hired" her eyes filled with tears of joy, it was so cute! I felt like Donald Trump for a minute. But just a minute. Then she and I went to the Hard Rock Cafe at Times Square. It is fairly new and I haven’t seen it yet. It was gorgeous, fun and tasty. Jessi and I found out we have a LOT in common. Not just the fact that we are both rock chicks who do massage for a living, but she is a mom and can burp really loud too (not nearly as loud as I can, let’s get that straight). She went to 16 different schools ( I went to 15 different schools), she does massage to make her feel calm and so do I. That is the only place I get to think without some distraction. Anyways, then we walked around in the pouring rain, taking pictures when it stopped for a bit. It started again and we nipped into a shop to buy two tacky, 99 cent plastic rain bonnets.

   < Jessie at Times Square

    ^ How fucking gorgeous. NYC through my sun roof (taken with one hand while driving lol!)

We finally got to Smiths, an Irish bar that has karaoke on Tuesday nights. With my favorite karaoke Dj in NYC, Sabrina running the show, I knew we would have a blast. Jonesy showed up and suddenly the unimportant karoake contest that was going on, got serious lol. In the end, Jonesy won and I was runner up (big fucking deal). Jessie sang the last song. She didn’t sing anything all night long, then suddenly she whips out this rap. A long rap that she made up. It was fucking hilarious. Everyone was like WTF?

   ^ Jonesy and Jessie ( wearing her rain bonnet)-   and then Jonesy again with yours truly  (Jonesy is one of my best friends)

 I had more fun then I thought down in Georgia. It was soooooooooooo nice to see my Dad and the rest of the family again. His house is so big and in a peaceful spacious, friendly neighborhood, it was wonderful. I even got up around 11am/Noon every day, which is much earlier then normal. I actually got out into the sunlight every day! It was warm and sunny the whole time. There were no family feuds at all, just fun. We all went out for karaoke the last night I was there and during my AC/DC number I said "wake the fuck up people!" to get them going (all red necks in there watching sports etc). After my song, an older man came up to me (had chewing tobacco in his mouth and a trucker hat on) and said "You’re a foul mouthed young lady!" . I said "GOOD!". Then when it was my time to sing again, I said, "yes, it’s me, the Yankee again. I am a foul mouthed young lady. I would wash it out with soap but I’m afraid of getting a yeast infection". Then I sang Proud Mary and brought the house down. My whole family was doing back up from their table singing "Rollin, Rollin" .

  ^ Me singing "Proud Mary (Rollin’ Rollin’…)  and then the next day, hung over with my Dad, Chester. My Dad adopted me when I was one year old (he was only 17 years old, the same age as my Mom). He has shown me so much love and turned me onto Zappa, I owe him the world and more 🙂

                                   < My favorite Niece, Melissa. She is 10 but has the mind of a clever 20 year old. She squeezed a few massages out of me, even though everyone else had only one. She LOVES massage and was helping with the oil and lotion, blankets etc, when I was massaging everyone else. She even helped do the 4 handed massage on my Dad and Aunt. She did their feet while I did their back. I think she will grow up and be the next Rock and Roll Dr.!. I think she looks like Angelina Jolie a bit, she is breath takingly beautiful and smart as hell. There is no stopping this girl, look out! 🙂

I want to post pics of the whole Fam Damily but they are shy. Melissa is NOT shy, so there she is.

Figured out, slightly, how to use the new blog editor, took ages to post these pictures, but I had to share them, they were burning a hole in my pocket…. You would think that I would fall right into bed once I got to Berlin, but no, I had to go give a massage to a Sheik, part of the Royal Family of Saudi Arabia. Super wealthy, I think they rented out the whole Hotel. He told me about how the death penalty works over there. It is the reason there is hardly any crime over there. They still do the eye for an eye thing. If someone kills another they will be killed. If some one accidentally kills someone, it is up to the dead persons family if they are killed or not. The Saudis are Muslims and believe they will live eternally once they die if they did something good. So, sometimes others offer a few million to the relative of the dead person to "please, forgive them and let them live". What do they gain for that? They believe doing such a deed will ensure them eternal life once they die. In other words, they are trying to  buy good karma. He didn’t speak perfect English or German, but that is what I understood. It was a very interesting couple of hours for me (and hello, big tipper). He even showed me an execution video he took with his nokia cell phone. A man had his head chopped off for murder and all of the public got to see (they see every execution apparently). Now I will have pleasant dreams here in my freezing cold flat in Berlin. lol. Haven’t seen Jasmine yet, she is at another Protest. Always protesting Racism. That’s my girl.

Gotta sleep. xo

Dear Dr. Dot,

My boy friend hates to snuggle after sex, not even for a minute. During foreplay, he is really romantic and very touchy feely, which I love.  He says he loves me and it feels like he does when we have sex, but as soon as he climaxes, it’s like he can’t get away fast enough. I have asked him to stay and hold me but he just scoffs and breaks free. This makes me wonder if he really does love me or not. What’s a good way to get a guy to snuggle?

Cindy

Dear Cindy,

Sounds harsh but ‘Men snuggle to fuck and women fuck to snuggle’. Yes, this is a generalization, but reasonably accurate. Don’t take it personally, just try to make the pre-sex snuggle last as long as possible. You could say something like "darling, sometimes I don’t mind a quickie, but lets really savor this now". There is no point in trying to force someone to do something just for your sake; imagine how horrible it would feel if he started snuggling after sex just to shut you up? That would be worse then no snuggle at all, no? If that’s the only problem you have, consider yourself lucky.

Dr. Dot

Hey Dr. Dot,

the girl I’m dating keeps pressuring me to marry her. I love her and all, but we are both young (she is 27 and I am 29). I want to keep my options open (what if someone way better crosses my path?). We have been dating for a year and all is well, we get along fine and the sex is great, I don’t see a reason to change anything. How can I keep her and the situation the same?

Randy Ralf

Dear Ralf,

Ask her "show me 5 happily married couples that you (or we) know and I will think about it". I am sure she will have a hard time finding 5 happily married couples (I only know one – my Dad and Step-mom) and I know folks all over the world. If by chance she does whip out 5 happily married couples and is still pushing you, and you really don’t want to lose her, get engaged, which can go smooth for a year of more and see how it goes. It’s not the end of the world and you can always divorce if you both feel it was a mistake (word: prenup). Or, tell her that marriage is an old fashioned idea that hardly works in this day and age and 50% or more end in divorce. Women love to get married for security and to have a lovely party with a pretty dress and to show everyone how in love you both are. You could always just have a "We’re in love" celebration with the dress and all, without the paper work and justice of the peace. Never do anything against your will though. True love is hard to find so don’t count on "someone better" coming along, that is just a gamble.

Dear Dr. Dot,

I have been seeing this hot guy now for a month and sometimes I sleep over his house (and vice versa) and this sometimes turns into long weekends in bed. The only problem I have is I have no idea how to fart around him.  I mean, my bathroom is right next to the bed room and if I let one rip, he would surely hear it. By the end of the weekend, I feel like a floatation device from holding all that gas in. It gets so bad that I don’t even want to screw because I’m afraid all that poking and prodding inside me will push out all those saved up farts. I am serious about this, I know it sounds silly, but I am going crazy. How long does one have to wait to fart out loud around a lover? I mean, everyone farts right?

Gassy Gail

Dear Gassy Gail,

When can one play the fart card, good question. I suppose you have to wait until the premiere of the awkward "I love you" comes up. First get comfortable with the "Love" part, then once you are both in love and have admitted you are in love verbally, you can break wind. Men think that women don’t fart. They are always shocked when it happens for the first time. Pussy farts seem to go over without even an eyebrow being raised but just plain farting is for some reason a complete turn off (unless you are in West Virginia). You could try the one cheek sneak, but never on a flat surface (this only works on a pillow or soft fluffy sofa). Try having a radio in your bathroom (and bring it to his as well) to blast out some loud rock music (ac/dc perhaps) to play when you go to the toilet. Just let ‘er rip when the music is loud and no one gets hurt (carry a small spray bottle of perfume with you or a match). Avoid carbonated drinks, Indian food and any kind of beans when you know you will see him. If it happens, just laugh about it and blame the dog/cat/hamster or him if you have to. You could always make it fun by warning him with the ever popular "Pull my finger".

 Dr. Dot

ps. Went to Atlanta, had more fun then I thought I would. It was SO great to see my Dad again, he is the best. Love him!!! Since I leave Thursday for Europe, the pics from my trip will have to wait. WAY to much to do right now, sleep is a thing of the past.

I decided to go to Atlanta to see my family. It would have cost an arm, a leg and probably one breast to change both of my plane tickets to go to Petra’s funeral. I cried 3 days straight and it was hell trying to cope with the fact I won’t be there. My wise friends, Betsy, Andrea, Martina, Lisa and my Aunt Nancy all told me when you’re in a different country, it is ok to miss a funeral. Petra knew I loved her and that is what matters. I would freak out at the funeral if I did go, I can’t just sit there and be normal, I would be hysterical like I was at my Mom’s funeral a few years ago. I am not good with funerals. I will visit her sister Iris as soon as I can and I have sent flowers to her and arranged a massage for her as well. I will do everything I can from my end. Today is the first day I haven’t cried. I am exhausted from that and no sleep.

The plane ride to Atlanta seemed like it took ages. I feel asleep and the fucking air host (steward) kept waking me to ask if I wanted something to drink. I was like "uh, no" . I thought the closed eyes, drool and puffy blow up pillow around my neck were all clear signs that I was asleep. what an idiot. Anyhow, my Aunt Nancy (my Dad’s brother) picked me up, it was great to see her.She is not much older than I am and loves Janis Joplin. This family all has a hippie heart.  My Dad, Chester Harvey Leckner the 3rd adopted me when I was 1 yr. old, so he is n fact, my Dad. He is so fucking cool. He is the one who turned me onto Zappa, in fact, he raised me on Zappa. He and my step mom Allyson (who was born in Iowa) have been married for 25 years now. They are proof that true love does exist and marriage can work. I think they are the only happily married, insanely in love, couple I know.

Tomorrow will be a huge eating festival, everyone eats, eats, eats, it’s crazy. All of America will be stuffed, bloated and tired from too much food. A nice meal with loved ones is fun, but the over indulging is so bizarre, I just don’t get this Holiday. It’s all too much food. I wonder if Thanksgiving is what makes the rest of the world loathe Americans so much. I mean the over indulgence of food, eating till it hurts, while loads of people are starving all around the globe, it’s kind of makes you wonder. My English ‘friend’ asked me what Thanksgiving was all about. I was like, you Brits started it, you came over on the Mayflower, had a big meal with the Indians, said "thanks" and started killing them off soon after. He was like "WOT?" lol..

Anyhow, I head back to NYC on Sunday, until then I will enjoy being around my family as much as I can. Jasmine is in Berlin, they don’t really celebrate Turkey Day over there, so she won’t even know it’s going on really. She got so bored the last few times I brought her to Georgia, she was like "NO WAY!" when I asked her if she wanted to come. lol. Anyhow, thanks to all the support I have gotten in the last few days, I am slowly being able to smile again , somehow feeling guilty for laughing/smiling. Feeling like "how dare you smile/laugh when you just lost a best friend?". Self loathing is easy in these situations. I found a picture toady on-line and wanted to share it with you. You can self loathe, or you can make yourself happy. It works both ways:

I decided to go to Atlanta to see my family. It would have cost an arm, a leg and probably one breast to change both of my plane tickets to go to Petra’s funeral. I cried 3 days straight and it was hell trying to cope with the fact I won’t be there. My wise friends, Betsy, Andrea, Martina, Lisa and my Aunt Nancy all told me when you’re in a different country, it is ok to miss a funeral. Petra knew I loved her and that is what matters. I would freak out at the funeral if I did go, I can’t just sit there and be normal, I would be hysterical like I was at my Mom’s funeral a few years ago. I am not good with funerals. I will visit her sister Iris as soon as I can and I have sent flowers to her and arranged a massage for her as well. I will do everything I can from my end. Today is the first day I haven’t cried. I am exhausted from that and no sleep.

The plane ride to Atlanta seemed like it took ages. I feel asleep and the fucking air host (steward) kept waking me to ask if I wanted something to drink. I was like “uh, no” . I thought the closed eyes, drool and puffy blow up pillow around my neck were all clear signs that I was asleep. what an idiot. Anyhow, my Aunt Nancy (my Dad’s brother) picked me up, it was great to see her.She is not much older than I am and loves Janis Joplin. This family all has a hippie heart.  My Dad, Chester Harvey Leckner the 3rd adopted me when I was 1 yr. old, so he is n fact, my Dad. He is so fucking cool. He is the one who turned me onto Zappa, in fact, he raised me on Zappa. He and my step mom Allyson (who was born in Iowa) have been married for 25 years now. They are proof that true love does exist and marriage can work. I think they are the only happily married, insanely in love, couple I know.

Tomorrow will be a huge eating festival, everyone eats, eats, eats, it’s crazy. All of America will be stuffed, bloated and tired from too much food. A nice meal with loved ones is fun, but the over indulging is so bizarre, I just don’t get this Holiday. It’s all too much food. I wonder if Thanksgiving is what makes the rest of the world loathe Americans so much. I mean the over indulgence of food, eating till it hurts, while loads of people are starving all around the globe, it’s kind of makes you wonder. My English ‘friend’ asked me what Thanksgiving was all about. I was like, you Brits started it, you came over on the Mayflower, had a big meal with the Indians, said “thanks” and started killing them off soon after. He was like “WOT?” lol..

Anyhow, I head back to NYC on Sunday, until then I will enjoy being around my family as much as I can. Jasmine is in Berlin, they don’t really celebrate Turkey Day over there, so she won’t even know it’s going on really. She got so bored the last few times I brought her to Georgia, she was like “NO WAY!” when I asked her if she wanted to come. lol. Anyhow, thanks to all the support I have gotten in the last few days, I am slowly being able to smile again , somehow feeling guilty for laughing/smiling. Feeling like “how dare you smile/laugh when you just lost a best friend?”. Self loathing is easy in these situations. I found a picture toady on-line and wanted to share it with you. You can self loathe, or you can make yourself happy. It works both ways: