I know, I haven’t blogged properly in ages. If you knew how busy I was, you would be surprised that I blog at all. I just returned last night, well morning actually at 2:30am from a mini tour. Just like the good ol days. I left Saturday and drove to Catherine’s house. Catherine is my massage assistant who covers the Baltimore/DC/VA area. She is not just my employee; she has won a special spot in my heart as a dear friend. She is the most organized person I know and works her ass off, making her one of my favorite massage assistants. Anyhow, her best friend, Em (short for Emily) has also grown to be one of my pals.
These two gals have been Def leppard fans for years. In fact, that’s how they found out about me a couple of years ago. They saw me on tv, that VH-1 special I did called ‘A night with’ in which they interviewed me and they showed a bunch of Def Lepp footage as that was the first band I have ever massaged, so in a sense, they started off my career. I had met the Cars before I met Def Lepp, but didn’t get to massage the Cars. When Def Lepp came to Hampton VA, I skipped school ( I was in the 10th grade) and me and my two gal pals Elaine and Elise (huge Def Lepp fans) and went to the concert hall and met Phil Collin (guitarist of the band) in the parking lot. He asked us to bring him shopping as someone stole their clothes from the gig before. Anyhow, I massaged them and they were surprised how such a tiny chick has such strong hands. I massaged them a few more times, up in R.I and CT, but haven’t seen them since then! I have been living in Germany from 1989 to 2002 and just haven’t seen them around.
Anyhow, I drove to Cassy’s (short for Catherine) left my car there, then we went to pick up Em in Virginia, THEN we drove to West Virginia to rest up for the next day, a day of massages for Def Lepp. Em and Cassy has met the band loads of times and they are ‘cool’ fans, never bugging them or making a scene, so the whole band and management knows them already. When we arrived at the gig in Charleston, WV it was hot as HELL out, I mean like 95 degrees! We were treated like queens, Malvin (their famous tour manager) had a golf cart pick us up from the parking lot with our heavy massage table and chair and we were brought rite back stage.
Malvin is almost part of the band, he even sang a song on a b-side of one of their singles. He sang “Please release me”. He can sing his ass off! He is Welsh and has a great sense of humor. The girls and I watched the sound check; Phil looked at me like “eh? is that you?” lol.
^ Joe ^ Vivian ^ Sav
< Phil and a Rick
I really love watching sound checks; it’s so special and informal. A peek into the real deal. In fact, I love them SO much, that in 1988 I went on the whole East coast leg of Frank Zappa’s tour “Broadway the Hardway” massaging for free. I told Frank to just allow me to see every sound check and show (and let me eat in catering daily) and I will massage for free. He agreed. It was heaven on earth yay! But now of course, I don’t work for food/music lol!
Backstage, we were set up not far from the dressing rooms. Vivian was new to me, I hadn’t met him before, as when I massaged them, Steve Clarke was still alive, bless his heart, see my pic of him below). He was kicking a soccer ball around before the show, only wearing shorts, which made a certain friend of mine all hot and bothered lol! He was super friendly to me and I can see why she adores him, nice abs and hot accent!
I didn’t take as many pictures as I normally do, I was so busy massaging (and stuffing my face in catering) that it slipped my mind, but I was see the lads again soon. Moving rite along, they played first and then Brian Adams took the stage. I saw him backstage, but didn’t speak to him. I massaged Malvin and then later when Brian was on stage, I massaged Phil. He has got to be the friendliest Rock star out there. I am NOT brown nosing, he just is! He signs everything for fans and poses for pictures; he is just so pleasant and is still looking great. He looks the SAME as when I last saw him! I whipped out an old picture of us and he laughed his head off when he saw it and then signed it for me. I am pissed at myself for not bringing more, as he was eager to see more old pics. My freakin’ printer is acting up, makes everything look blue, so Cassy printed this out for me real quick at her house.
< The first meeting :)
^ I wore that slinky silver top, (which has a tiny Stones pin in the cleavage area) under a big old T-shirt out of the house. My dad would have NOT let me out of the house in that top. I was trying to look older, as I knew if they knew how old, er, young I was, they would dismiss the whole idea of getting a massage from me, so I told them I was 19. I know, it’s naughty to lie about one’s age, but too late now. I think it’s fucking hilarious how tough and grown up I was trying to look. I wouldn’t find it funny if Jasmine was pulling the same shit though!
After Phil’s brutal rub down, I worked on Rick Allen, the drummer. You have to have been living under a rock if you don’t know that he unfortunately lost his arm in a horrid car crash years ago. He is the deepest one in the band in my opinion. He is so cool and spiritual. He is so happily married and at peace. It is a pleasure to work on such a kind hearted soul. He gave me advice during the massage on what books to pick up and spoke many words of wisdom, the guy is fucking mad cool!
Phil was loving my strong hands and said he wouldn’t mind another massage at the next gig, as did Rick so the gals and I decided to make the long trip to Ohio for the gig in Dayton. I suggested to Phil and Rick that they should try the ‘Four handed massage’ in Ohio and they were diggin’ the idea. Since I couldn’t print out any proper pics for them all to sign, I brought a huge union jack flag and gave it to Malvin. He promised he would have the lads sign it. Sure enough, in Ohio, his beautiful daughter, who also works on the tour handed it to me and said ‘enjoy’
^ Hard to read, but they all signed it ^ Close of of Phil’s autograph
After the massages, we were put on another golf cart as the parking lot was pretty far. The driver put Em in the passenger seat, Cassy on the back on top of the massage table and chair and then me on the front of the cart, as in, sitting on the hood. Em held me on there by holding my backpack. The drive wanted a massage while he drove, so Cassy used one hand on one shoulder and I used one hand on the other while he drove (read:dangerous). Directly after his show ended, Brian Adams was running down the ramp that went from the stage to the very back of the stage, which put him in front of our path, we almost ran him over, I swore I heard him singing “I’m gonna run from you”.
^ The dangerous golf cart
The golf cart driver told us of a karaoke dive called the “Half way home”. He warned us not to go there, but they do have karaoke 7 nights a week, so we couldn’t resist. It was really like out of a movie this place. Red necks galore in there. They had a stripper pole in the middle of the bar which the guys were taking turns spinning around while some played pool. EVERYONE smoked so our eyes were burning the second we walked in. I think I found out where Dave Chappell is hiding out by the way, as the only back person in there looked EXACTLY like him. He was hogging the stripper’s pole and occasionally belting out country tunes. I tore up James Brown’s “I feel good” , Led Zepps “Black Dog” and Bob Seger’s “Old time rock and roll”.
Most of the people in their couldn’t understand me. They said I talk to fast and kept asking me if I was from England! One young guy was pleading with me to take him home with me. He was wearing a taco bell uniform and chained smoked. I asked him “what state is West of here, I really don’t know where I am” and he said “uh, North Carolina and Vermont”. HELLO!!! Need I say more? Sadly, he was the hottest thing in there. One girl came up to me and said “I hear you do massages!” and I said yes, I do, in fact, she does too (pointing at Cassy). She said ” I do TOO!!”. I thought she was just drunk and being friendly but she was serious. I told her in order to join my team, she would have to massage me and so many hours later she and one of her guy pals came to our hotel room to show us her style. She massaged my feet, then Cassy’s back, then mine. She is wicked strong and so fucking hired! So, now, we will have a Dr. Dot assistant in bum fuck West Virginia! Even in shops there, people walk around with no shoes and no shirts. They have never heard of Green Tea in West Virginia and when I asked for mineral water, they looked at me like I asked them if they spoke Russian.
< West Virginians who gave us directions
Even the parrot in our hotel spoke with a Southern drawl. The people are super friendly and laid back, but not the brightest. I felt like Albert fucking Einstein there. I was going mad though, couldn’t find anything green to eat (the folks in the karaoke bar told us “you can’t find anything green around here except teeth and underwear!”) so we headed to the capital of all Southern States, WALMART. You can get everything there. When we walked in, Em was head butted by a karaoke singing dear (he only sings country songs apparently)
< Em after the attack
Anyhow, we bought tons of fruit and shit at Walmart and headed to Ohio. Cassy did ALL of the driving as Em doesn’t drive and I hate sitting for long, so I laid down in the back seat while we made each other laugh non stop for hours. I haven’t laughed so hard for ages. We pulled into Ohio late at night and missed out on any fun as they don’t serve alcohol there after midnight, hello, what the FUCK! Not that I am a raging drunk, but I wanted a glass of red wine. I would go mental there in Dayton Ohio. I haven’t been there since 1988 for a Grateful Dead show which was in Buckeye Lake. So far, I am not impressed with the place ok? One of the crew guys has a pal who got mugged that day one block from our “4 star hotel”.
The next day we went to the gig, it was in a baseball park, just like the last gig, in fact I think the whole tour is like that. I walked backstage and was looking for Phil to see when he wanted his rub down. I walked into the dressing room and Joe was on his lap top. I was like “Hi Joe, would you like a massage today?” he said he would love one but is too busy. He is a gorgeous man, I have to admit. Could be difficult to have rated G thoughts while massaging such a hunk. I heard he can play almost any instrument and loves to karaoke. See, I’m not the ONLY one into karaoke lol..
This time, Phil wanted to try my famous ‘Bite Method’ massage.
^ giving him a bit of a teaser for the bite method
Later on, after the show, I gave him the real Bite Method and although it sounds strange and dangerous, it feels amazing, so intense. I invented this when I was about 5 years old, as my Mom told me my hands weren’t strong enough for her liking, so I bit her back all the time, then walked on her. I still use the bite method today, not on everyone, just special clients. Then I rubbed him down for a good half hour and asked him if he is ready for the 4 handed massage. This means, while I am on the back, another massage therapist will be busy massaging his lower body. Steven Tyler of Aerosmith and Sting and the singer of Simply Red and Ice Tea have all enjoyed my 4 handed massage. Phil was really in heaven. He said “this is the best massage I have ever had” which means a lot to me. Then he told Rick that he simply must try it too, and then Rick got the same treatment and he said “you guys have the strongest hands in the world” which is music to my ears.
Cassy has met the band many times, but this was the first time she has massaged them and I am sure it’s not the last. They loved us!
^ Cassy and Rick and with Phil (schwing!)
Yeah, it’s a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it lol. I loved seeing the guys again and will probably go to more shows and massage them, it doesn’t even feel like work to me, it’s so fun.
< Phil gets my Pit Bull grip
Their set list:
Let’s Get Rocked
No Matter What
Rock Of Ages
Bringin’ On The Heartbreak
Pour Some Sugar On Me
We had to stay in a few more hotel rooms on the long journey home, but we had a blast. When we finally got near Cassy’s house, she brought me to see her horses. I got to ride her favorite one, she is 25 years old and was following Cassy around like a shadow, super sweet:
< Her baby gets the 4 handed massage too!
Yes, Cassy has a diploma in Equinox Massage Therapy. Horse massage! So now you know why she is so dam strong! Everyone needs/loves a massage!
< Raising HELL in a hotel room