Dear Dr. Dot,
I have been single for about a year now but most of my friends are male. I
finally got a date and told one of my best guy pals, and he flipped out on me
telling me he is annoyed and basically treated me terribly, ending the
conversation with a sarcastic “HAVE A NICE DINNER!!!!”   What does this mean?? 
Is he secretly in love with me?? And if so, why do male friends wait till we get
a simple date before they decide to react? …By that time it’s too late.
Confused Connie

Confused Connie

Dear Connie,

I know many men who are secretly lusting after/in love with their best gal pal. It is kinda hard for men and women to be just friends without any sexual tension or jealousy when a member of the opposite sex comes into the picture. If the guy friend shows jealousy or discomfort at all, it shows he was indeed waiting around for your friendship to turn into something more, be it just sex or love. So the good news is, you had a secret admirer all along, bad news is, he didn’t have the balls to act on it. Guy pals are often writing me and asking me how to take it further and I just tell them to go for it, what will be, will be. If they don’t act at all and lash out on you when you get a date, it shows his lack of confidence and it shows his nasty side, both of which are a turn off. The dating game is also a survival of the fittest situation, and if you snooze, you loose. It is all up to your moody guy pal to apologize and up to you if you want to continue the charade. You can’t help it if you are irresistible.

Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and finally agreed to tie the knot in Spain. All of his family and mine met there for the expensive, exclusive event. The night before the wedding, I found myself alone with his Blackberry in our hotel room. I couldn’t help but see the names ‘Hannah’ , ‘Anna’ and 3 other girl names on the main screen, as in, he had written to them that day, fresh mail. I read them all and broke down in tears to read the naughty things he wrote to each one, like “I hope you miss my love tool” etc, things that pointed to him having affairs with all of these women. He is very good looking and wealthy (and only 38), but then again so am I. I confronted him, he denied it in vain and finally admitted to the affairs. I made him write to each one telling them it is over and he is now a married, loyal man. We went through with the wedding, as I felt pressure, everyone was there and I believed his tears of regret, but I can barely eat since then and feel betrayed and livid, but still love him. I will be grateful for any words of wisdom.

Sad Lisa

Dear Lisa,

Most women would have stood at the altar and said “No, I do NOT take this man, as he is a cheating asshole”, but you took the other route. There are 3 ways to deal with this situation in my opinion. First, become apathetic about his affairs, turn the blind eye to his physical escapes with other women, after all, he chose you to marry, so he must love you. He has sex with other women; this doesn’t mean he loves them. You have to be pretty strong to use this method, the “I don’t care what or who you do when we are not together, just make sure you treat me rite!” But you really have to stick to the “don’t ask, don’t tell” attitude, which is hard if you really love someone. Second, forgive him and start over, but you may turn into a mistrusting, paranoid, insecure nag: “what took you so long to get home, who were you with?” this is exhausting and will age you fast. Third, just turn around and walk away. Keep your self-respect and esteem while they are still in tact. If it was just one woman, it would be a tad easier, but your guy seems to be a Johnny Apple seed type, hard to tame such a man. Sometimes forgiving a cheater gives you the upper hand. Look at Kobe Bryant’s wife. It may boil down to finding out what is more important to you, having the upper hand, or a man you can really trust.

Dr. Dot

When you enter my flat, this is the poster you see (but I have it in full size, which shows her covering her love spot with her hands)   

           “If someone comes along, and they want to give you a little love and affection, I say get it while you can, honey get it while you can, don’t you turn your back on love, no, no, no”  JANIS JOPLIN

You may think I am fickle when I say I am getting used to being here in Berlin again. Well, almost. Tomorrow is the Christopher Street Day parade, which has to be the biggest gay parade in the world, a reminder that single, straight women are a minority here in Berlin.

But the weather is so gorgeous and I do live across from one of the coolest parks in Berlin, “Viktoria Park“. I rented a car and drive around blasting Led Zepp, AC/DC, Beatles and Zappa tunes, shocking the Germans. Not sure if the classic rock shocks them or if it’s the loudness.

I was driving by “Schloss Charlottenburg” the other evening and slammed on the brakes. I couldn’t believe how gorgeous it looked:

How gorgeous is that?

This past Tuesday I was in the Hard Rock cafe doing karaoke and met the cutest twins I have ever seen, check them out:

They were celebrating their last day of ‘high school’, how sweet!

Last Sunday I brought Jasmine and one of her best friends Hannah to see Coldplay. The show was great, but I was kinda bored as I didn’t get to massage them, they had no time at all (in a hurry to get back to Gwyneth and Apple most likely). But  Jasmine’s friend Louis was there, a tall ginger haired kid (age 17) who had moved to Berlin from England a year ago. Louis was there with his dad, Adam. Adam plays guitar for the Sisters of Mercy. Adam is a single father and very easy on the eyes. Light blue eyes, tall, strong English accent, typical British dark red lips, I am just sorry I don’t have a picture of him to show you. Anyhow, us parents got stuck hanging out together as the teenagers wanted NOTHING to do with us lol!

(told you it was merely a matter of time before Jasmine forced me to remove the picture).

^ Jasmine, me and Hannah.

Jasmine HATES being photographed (hard to believe she is my kid rite?). She is wearing my “Keep me Happy” Keith Richards shirt in this shot. She says it pisses her off wearing this shirt to school , as all the kids ask if that is Jim Morrison. She’s like NO dammit! She is really tired in this shot, as she partied ‘into’ her birthday as the Germans do. They start the night before their birthday and at midnight, when it’s official your birthday, they freak out and celebrate. She didn’t get much sleep. I am sure she will force me to remove this picture as soon as she gets wind of it. But as long as I can, I will have it on here, I am proud of her and like to show her off, but she doesn’t like it. DOH!

Whales Are Still Being Hunted — and It’s Just as Cruel as Ever!

Stop Japan From Ending the Humpback’s Song Forever! Click HERE to help! The goal is 50,000 signatures. Please sign.

Yep, it’s Jasmines (16!!) birthday already over here in Berlin. For her birthday, it looks like we will get VIP tix for Cold Play (would be great if they want a massage too) but I am not counting on it.

I was with Petra all night, she was feeling under the weather but I massaged her and cheered her up. She is a trooper. Lots of shows coming up here, System of a Down, Tori Amos, Joe Jackson etc. But the show I am looking forward to is Live 8 in London. My pal John told me Pink Floyd will reunite for the show and I just had to go for it. I am off to London soon. After a week of crying and moping around, I am out of tears and feel ok to be here again. It’s like culture shock every time I come here, that and the fact that Jasmine gets busier and busier, I have to book an appointment with her basically! My fault, I am the one who moved…. “Nobody’s fault but mine” Led Zepp.

My friend Mechel sent me the funniest link. She and I both are tired of Tom Cruise trying to prove he isn’t gay by dating and marrying up and coming actresses, so click on this link to have a laugh.

It now only takes 48 hours for my happy mood to wear off after landing in Berlin. It has been freezing here and the sky has been grey the whole time except for yesterday evening, the sun came through for a couple hours. Jasmine is so busy now in her life, I hardly get to see her. On one hand I am happy that she is so independent, but sad that I have to stand in line to get some time with her. She is busy going to many protests, she is very left wing and is involved in some political groups who attend many protests. She also takes guitar lessons and school keeps her super busy and the amount of friends she has just boggles the mind.

Most of my friends are so busy too, it’s hard to just come back and get into the grove rite away. I also noticed something. I have some girl friends that call me often and email me almost daily from Berlin when I am home in NY, yet when I am actually here in Berlin, I hardly hear from them let alone see them. I also have a pal in NY who I hardly see or speak to, but when I get to Berlin, he calls me more than anyone else from the US. I wonder if some people are afraid of intimacy or what is that about? Is it safer to conduct a friendship 3,000 miles away?

A VERY good friend of mine, who was a tad more than a friend at one point, is in a coma since March 15th. I was devastated when I heard the news and couldn’t believe it as he was so strong and healthy. 6’5″, body builder (which is usually not my type) non-smoker, hardly drank etc. He got a lung infection and was put into an artificial coma by the Doctors to stabilize his breathing and heart beat. But when they tried to bring him out of that coma, it didn’t work, so now he is in a vegetative state coma. I went to visit him on Saturday and it was a sad sight. He is withering away, very thin and he was all sweaty. His sister said he always has a fever. I massaged his hands and shoulders and talked to him, but he was asleep the whole time. She said when he is away, his eyes are wide open, but when I was there, they were closed the whole time. He did flinch when I tried to unclench his fingers. It can’t be good for them to be so clenched up so stiff the whole time. I didn’t force them open, I was just trying to stretch them for him and get the blood going. He is only 27 the poor guy. So now you know why I haven’t blogged much lately, I am over here in Berlin and sad. Seeing Jasmine is so great, but when she is busy, I feel like I am in no mans land, in between lives. A lot of people I know here are ill and/or really broke. Seeing Mike in a coma made me realize how short life really can be and to count my blessings again. Berlin needs a miracle. I did get my column done, so here it is:

Hi Dr. Dot,

 I have a few issues that i need help with. Firstly i am very 
concerned about the size of my penis as it is only 3ins whilst erect. This has 
made me very shy as the last two girlfriends made fun of my size and said that i 
was unable to pleasure them. My second problem is that i am 22 and living with 
my nan who is very religious and doesn't believe in sex before marriage so that 
stops me from bringing girls to the house so what am i to do? My final problem 
is that i have frequent problems with cannabis and even when i try as hard as i 
can i can't seem to get off it, it has even lead me to stealing off my nan to 
pay for my addiction. please can you tell me what to do!

Matthew 

Hi Matthew,

You can’t change the penis situation but you can improve your sex routine by giving girls the best oral sex of their lives. You know, having a huge cock isn’t everything in life. In fact, in my experience, the bigger the dick, the bigger the DICK it’s attached to. Most really sweet guys have tiny dicks, they have to try harder and women know this. You will eventually attract the rite woman, one who values being treated good in other ways then just being stuffed good. You can give oral and use dill dos too while you’re at it. Women pine after a lover who insists she cums first before he does. All those things will be on your side.. except, the next part, living with your nan.

If you don’t like it, work harder and get your own flat, sneaking girls in and out will just make you look silly. The pot addiction can hurt your sex drive and make you apathetic, I would stop that habit until you have your own place, as pot can make everything seem ok, when it’s not, like stealing from your nan, you will go to hell for that, not even Dr. Dot can help you on that one. I think there is some sort of viscous cycle going on here, you smoke because your living and sex situation is bothering you, which makes you steal and feel bad about yourself and to numb it, you smoke again. Did you know pot makes your dick limp and weak? It is true. Just like any muscle, the more you use it, the stronger and bigger it gets. Forget pot, get busy wanking and saving for your own flat.

Dr. Dot

Hi Dr. Dot,
I could use some of your expert love advice.  This Asian girl I’m going out with, before I saw her naked, I always thought she had decent boobs.  Well, it turns out she wears a padded bra so they look fine, but she’s actually pretty small. I don’t really care too much about boob size,  I’m totally happy with a B-cup… One of her boobs a B cup, but then her other boob is way smaller.  It’s weird, and she told me she’s really insecure about it and she wants to get a boob job. Normally i’m always against boob jobs but when she told me she’s going to get a boob job, I could tell she wanted me to discourage her from getting it and tell her “no don’t be crazy, you’re fine.”  But honestly, I think she would be a lot better off with a boob job, even though I think sticking a saline bag in your chest is gross.  I think she’s one of the rare exceptions because she’s not only very small, but uneven too.  She’s really insecure about it and a boob job would not only actually make it look better, but probably help the way she feels about herself.  So I kind of danced around the subject, didn’t really encourage or discourage it, but I should probably take a firm side.  And it’s not like she’s rich either, she’s kind of poor so $6000 is A LOT.  What do you think I should do?
Loving Louie

Dear Louie,

Look her in the eyes and say “I like you either way, so what ever makes you happy”.
That’s the ONLY way to get out of this safely. I presume you aren’t paying for them (maybe she thinks you will and that’s why she mentioned it) so just put it all in her corner, otherwise she may  loathe you for encouraging her to change her body, and if she does get the money from you, there is a good chance she will want to try out her new toys with other guys which could give you a heart attack and empty bank account.

Dr. Dot

Hey Dr. Dot,

I have been out of the dating game for years, and I am taking a girl out for the first time in a couple weeks. I want to impress her, make her fall for me big time. I would love some ideas from you as I love your advice so far. Hook me up Doctor!

Mighty Matt

Hey Matt,

First let me tell you a few things to avoid on a first date. Movies: Sitting in the dark for a couple hours with someone you need to get to know is a dumb idea. Bars: Getting too drunk in a loud bar could end up embarrassing for both of you and make a bad impression. Try a day time date, like going to the zoo, or a museum. ‘Wine Tasting’ is good, a picnic with a board game or going to a sporting event are all great options. Make sure you are a good listener and keep up the eye contact, looking around too much shows you are not interested. No matter how tempting, try not to screw on the first date, anticipation is the worlds greatest aphrodisiac and waiting shows you have respect, self control and proves you are not a player/slut.

Ps. the worst food you can eat on a first date is a falafel (super messy and massive garlic fumes will plague you)

Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,

My boyfriend is a pothead, smokes several times a day. It seems he is always stoned. At first I thought he would change after we got serious together, as he knows I don’t like it. When I ask him to quit, he just smokes behind my back and I can smell it and see it in his eyes that he is high (which insults my intelligence). Is grass addictive? How can I coax him into going straight?

Fed-up Francine

Dear Francine,

If you are a regular reader of my column, you must know by now that I am going to tell you “you can’t change a person”. If the only ‘bad’ thing in your eyes that he does is smoke pot, stop nagging about it and he will quit when he is ready. Smoking pot is habit forming, but he can stop if and when he feels like quitting. You can tell him in a non-threatening way that it contributes to impotency and even weakens one’s sex drive, not to mention causes lung cancer. Set a time limit for yourself, how long you are willing to wait for him to stop getting high, if he exceeds it, then move on, or you will turn into a raging bitch and start to loathe yourself even more than his pot smoking. If he is apathetic (a side affect of smoking grass) towards you, that’s a different story, that behavior should not be tolerated. A quick “me or the grass” chat should clear that up, if not, walk and don’t look back.

Dr. Dot