Ask Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,

I have had 3 bad experiences so far going down on females. I am about ready to make a personal rule for myself, ruling out giving oral sex from my sex routine. Would it be rude to warn a girl ahead of time to clean herself? I can imagine this would not go over very well.

Picky Paul

Dear P.P,

I feel your frustration, nothing worse then fuming private parts. A good way to gauge a females hygiene habit is to have a good look at her feet first. I have mentioned several times before anyways, that you guys should be starting foreplay with a foot massage for her. Look closely at her feet; are they clean, nicely groomed? If so, it means she cares about herself, even down to the toes. If a girl has nasty feet, dirty, chipped toenails with rough skin and an¬†offensive smell to top it all off, it is usually a sure thing that her snatch will be in the same condition. Save yourself from a muff diving accident by rubbing (and sniffing) her feet before you go for the pink parts. If for some reason you can’t get to her feet, drag her into the shower for some wet, clean fun before you start anything else. You could always refrain from giving oral sex, but then don’t expect her to suck your sausage.

Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,

I am a (female) massage therapist like you. I am often faced with the happy ending request. I don’t dress sexy or lead male clients on at all, but still, they flirt and try to coax me into ‘full release’ massage. I make it very clear to them this is not my thing, that I just give normal massages. After I tell them this, most never return for a massage again. How do you deal with this situation? It must happen to you too.

Jesse G.

Dear Jesse,

This happens constantly to me and I always use humor to put my point across. It usually starts during the thigh or stomach massage. They pitch a pop tent and start talking bullshit. I just say things like “Happy Ending? I give “UN happy endings ok?” or “You can massage that muscle yourself later at home” and “think ugly thoughts and it will pass” and “if I gave happy endings, I would be a billionaire by now”. I ease their mind and the situation by tossing in a joke, which doesn’t embarrass them. I am sure they don’t return because they are embarrassed or perhaps really just looking for erotic massage, and in that case, you should be glad they have disappeared.

Dr. Dot

 

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