Ask Dr. Dot


Dear Dr. Dot,

I live at home with my parents even though I am 35 years old. I have two problems. First one, it is kind of embarrassing to tell girls that I live at home and secondly, how can I make them happy in bed and avoid the squealing? I am best friends with my parents but they don’t want to hear my sex life.

Chris M.

Dear Chris,

Nowadays, the economy forces many people to live with their folks. I personally know a lot of people who still live at home, male and female. Females living at home are accepted easier than the male who still lives at home. The sooner you tell the girl about your living arrangements, the better. Tell her you are saving up for a house and/or will move out once you meet “the one”. If she frowns or gives you shit about it, either move out for her or move onto a more tolerant girl. You could also say “this way I have more money to spend on dating” and show her a good time. As far as the squealing goes, bring her out for some karaoke before you bring her home. Have her sing some ‘Guns and Roses’ or ‘AC/DC’, that should help her lose her voice a bit (or bring her on a few scary roller coasters) you get the idea. If you can’t swing that, try to keep a finger or two in her mouth, she will hopefully suck your finger(s) and that will keep her quiet.

Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,

For the last 2 months I have been dating a man who was dumped by his ex one month before he started dating me. He told me she “treated him like shit” but he still has feelings for her, especially now that she wants him back. I really like this guy, should I fight for him or let go? How can I make him forget her?


Dear Alicia,

Fighting over a guy is about as useless as a cat flap in an Elephant house. Apparently he likes abuse, and unless you are willing to abuse him, let him go get his dose. Don’t take his wishy-washy ass back unless you too are into being treated like shit. It’s always best to ask a person when you first meet them, how long ago was their last relationship. Anything less than 6 months is bound to have some rebound trouble near by. I would tell him “don’t let the door hit you on the way out”. Do you really want to be second choice? I think not. Love works best when the man is more in love with the woman anyways; this man sounds like he is in love with another woman and if he can live without you, let him!

Dr. Dot                    


Touching bases

I would like to share some new photos with you, but the server that hosts my blog, BLog City is upgrading their image section and we can’t upload images since a few days 🙁   The photos you see in this blog are one’s I have uploaded long ago…

Jasmine is going to Israel against my wishes this summer for about 7 weeks. I think it’s dangerous and I don’t want her to go. She isn’t even Jewish, but all of her friends are Jewish and she goes to the Jewish summer camp every year and now they are taking them all to Israel. I was out voted I suppose and she is going anyways. I will cross my fingers and pray to the powers that be that she returns unharmed. I am sure it’s a gorgeous country, but it isn’t the safest place on earth!


Ask Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,

I have had 3 bad experiences so far going down on females. I am about ready to make a personal rule for myself, ruling out giving oral sex from my sex routine. Would it be rude to warn a girl ahead of time to clean herself? I can imagine this would not go over very well.

Picky Paul

Dear P.P,

I feel your frustration, nothing worse then fuming private parts. A good way to gauge a females hygiene habit is to have a good look at her feet first. I have mentioned several times before anyways, that you guys should be starting foreplay with a foot massage for her. Look closely at her feet; are they clean, nicely groomed? If so, it means she cares about herself, even down to the toes. If a girl has nasty feet, dirty, chipped toenails with rough skin and an offensive smell to top it all off, it is usually a sure thing that her snatch will be in the same condition. Save yourself from a muff diving accident by rubbing (and sniffing) her feet before you go for the pink parts. If for some reason you can’t get to her feet, drag her into the shower for some wet, clean fun before you start anything else. You could always refrain from giving oral sex, but then don’t expect her to suck your sausage.

Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,

I am a (female) massage therapist like you. I am often faced with the happy ending request. I don’t dress sexy or lead male clients on at all, but still, they flirt and try to coax me into ‘full release’ massage. I make it very clear to them this is not my thing, that I just give normal massages. After I tell them this, most never return for a massage again. How do you deal with this situation? It must happen to you too.

Jesse G.

Dear Jesse,

This happens constantly to me and I always use humor to put my point across. It usually starts during the thigh or stomach massage. They pitch a pop tent and start talking bullshit. I just say things like “Happy Ending? I give “UN happy endings ok?” or “You can massage that muscle yourself later at home” and “think ugly thoughts and it will pass” and “if I gave happy endings, I would be a billionaire by now”. I ease their mind and the situation by tossing in a joke, which doesn’t embarrass them. I am sure they don’t return because they are embarrassed or perhaps really just looking for erotic massage, and in that case, you should be glad they have disappeared.

Dr. Dot


Tattoo you (again)

On my right ankle, I have a couple tattoos, one is a butterfly and it used to sit on top of two little flowers and a lady bug. However, I wanted a picture of my favorite turtle “Spice” on there instead, to cover up the flowers. This did NOT work out as planned. No one could figure out what the hell it was and it kind of rubbed off while rollerblading.


Today I am going to “Last Writes” tattoo shop, which is said to be the best in NYC to finally get this fucking mess taken care of. The tattoo artist (Dan) will put a giant, colorful tiger lilly tattoo over the turtle. This is the most painful area to get a tattoo (that and the lips).

So I shall be screaming from around 5pm to 8pm tonight, and it’s “nobody’s fault but mine”.

I will take pictures and get back to you, show you the results. Cross your fingers will ya?


YAY!! New Tattoo a big success

As predicted, I screamed for about 2 hours straight. The guys in the tattoo shop were having a blast winding me up. I told them “this has got to be the only thing that hurts worse than anal sex” and that got them all roaring with laughter.

Dan did an amazing job on my tattoo. I have to post before and after now:

Ask Dr. Dot


I was busy all last week, massaging Charlie Watts and other clients as well and trying to get in shape super fast for an upcoming photo shoot. I will spill the beans soon enough to tell you which magazine it is. I was invited to the Stones press conference last week, the one where they did 3 songs live for the press and a bunch of lucky people, but it was at noon and you know, that doesn’t fly with me, so I passed. NYC is the place to be rite now, Sting is here, U2 is here and the Stones just left. Cold Play will be here Tuesday and do a surprise gig (can’t say where) it is basically raining rock stars here, yes!

I have been out a bit doing karaoke, working on my AC/DC at the moment, love screaming my fucking head off into the mic, what a stress reliever that is, try it!


And here is Ask Dr. Dot:

Dear Dr. Dot
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. Its mad love, absolutely mad. We have been through so much fighting and leaving and just crazy episodes (mostly on my part) and we’re still together and still in-love.

We used to have sex CONSTANTLY! Everywhere. We must have had sex in almost every bar bathroom in NYC and then some. It’s always been incredible, according to him even though I’m 24 and he’s 8 years older then me and much more experienced. Lately, it has died down to a lot less. Sometimes we’ll go 2 weeks or so without making love.
I confronted him the other day (again) and he keeps saying he lost HIS drive. I called him a liar, I told him to just admit he’s not into me anymore, I offered to spice it up any way he wants – except threesomes- and all he was saying was no babe, it’s not, i think i’m just getting older, i don’t get horny as much anymore.
What do I do? I don’t think he’s cheating. I wanna make things better. I don’t want him to be bored with me! I’m pretty much down for anything at this point (except other women – and he doesn’t even want that!). Is the Honeymoon really over??? =( Should I just accept this behavior? It is normal?

Thank you SO MUCH for your help!!!

Sexy Sadie

Dear Sadie,
Calling him a liar when he says he has lost his drive is a bad move first of all and then asking him if he is still into you, well I just don’t know where to start with you. Again, I have to compare humans with dogs once again when it comes to smelling fear (and lack of confidence). That my dear, is a vicious circle. Never ask a man how he feels about you, or if you look fat for that matter, as they will always lie when put up against a verbal wall. Just see how he is treating you, if he isn’t all over you, maybe he isn’t “into” you at the moment, but all relationships run out of steam after a while, the sex routine slows down. You can’t expect fireworks from someone you live with or see all the time. Distance and time apart, even emotionally can get things hot again. Don’t start any sex, just walk around looking really sexy and go about your business, see if he goes for it. If not, take care of your sexy mood yourself, have a wank, watch some porn. If he still doesn’t start sex with you after a month or so, you may want to think about what is really important to you. If he is treating you fine in all other areas of the relationship, maybe you could decide if sex is really that important to you or not. Would you leave him over sex? If he is a bastard to you AND withholds sex from you, time to jump ship. You can bring a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink and calling him names and demanding to know why he isn’t shagging you will only make you look mean and insecure. Just keep busy and sexy and wait things out, then decide what your next move is.
I know men in their 50’s who are still horn-dogs, but then again, every one is different. Maybe he is just feeling unattractive and tired. Massage him wearing very little, but give him a real massage, not an erotic one, and see if that perks him up, he may just need a challenge again, let him yearn!
ps. “Mad love” isn’t always the best love for the long haul.

Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot
I’ve been with the same girl for almost 4 years. We haven’t been the best to each other. I’ve been promiscuous as has she. Her more than me. As of January we got back together after a gut wrenching break up. We vowed to be good to each other this time around. Now I’m starting to go through trust issues w her again. I feel like everything is just a big lie. She swear that everything’s ok, that I have no reason to worry. I broke up w her 10 days ago. Since then all I’ve done is miss her as she has me. My friends hate her for everything she’s done, but their my friends they’d hate anyone who hurt me. She has trust issues w me as well. We want to be together but I don’t know how to heal what’s been damaged. Any advice you have would be greatly appreciated. By the way, we are both in our 20’s and live 3 hours away from each other, both in party towns! Thanx in advance.
Lost in limbo

Dear Lost,

You may not like my advice, but here it goes. Once trust is gone, it is almost impossible to have a smooth sailing relationship, no matter how much you adore each other. You will always feel like you can’t let your guard down and especially living far away from each other. You are both so young, perhaps you can try to love lightly, hold on loosely. I know that is hard though, been through that myself. The only hope you two have is to move on, see other people and know that what’s meant to be will be. Maybe you both need to sew your wild oats a bit longer and end up back together someday, but obviously you are both not ready to settle down for the long haul, so rather than being another divorce statistic, try to agree upon seeing other people, but when you meet up, have fun. This gets tricky with sex, it must always be safe sex when not exclusive. It’s summer, loosen up a bit and enjoy! Re-evaluate in the fall.

Dr. Dot

Save Endangered Whales from Deadly Fishing Gear

Dear Dr. Dot,

The North Atlantic right whale is one of the most endangered large whales in the world, with only about 300 individuals left of the species. We cannot afford to lose a single whale because of human causes. However, during 2004, six North Atlantic right whales were entangled when they encountered fishing gear in their ocean habitat along the U.S. East Coast.

Solutions exist to protect these whales from being entangled, injured or killed, in fishing gear, but they need to be more aggressively utilized. Act Now to preserve the future of these beautiful creatures.

In an effort to eliminate potentially deadly entanglements, the National Marine Fisheries Service (the agency responsible for protecting whales) is taking public comments on proposed alternatives to improve the Atlantic Large Whale Take Reduction Plan-a strategy required by the Marine Mammal Protection Act.

With three of the species of whale affected by fishing gear listed as endangered, especially the extremely endangered North Atlantic right whale, we cannot afford anything less than a 100 percent effective plan to protect these magnificent animals from fishing gear encountered in their habitat.

Time is running out! We have only days to submit 10,000 public comments to the National Marine Fisheries Service. Be part of the solution – Act Now! Ask NMFS to strengthen the protection of whales by requiring modifications to fishing gear proven to prevent whales from becoming entangled.

Thank you for taking action!

Jenny M.
Care2 and ThePetitionSite Team


Just saw a show on Animal Planet about a guy named Peter Pritchard who has dedicated his life to preserving and saving all types of turtles. What a man!

He said “turtles have been around for over 50 million years and they offer some people a bit of stability, something that never changes.” That’s how I feel about them, I love them and can’t wait to see my turtles when I get to Berlin in June. I would love to do what he does, maybe I will someday 🙂

“Charlies good tonight, ain’t he!?”

Sunday night I massaged one of my favorite stars, Mr. Charlie Watts, the drummer of the Rolling Stones. I first massaged him in 1994 and he was my first paying customer, up until that point, I had always massaged in trade for tickets and passes to the shows for me and my friends. Charlie is the one who convinced me to take money for my massages and even hired me to come on the Stones tour to do massages. He is the coolest guy in Rock and Roll. Very understated and under-rated. Just plain fucking cool.


In the elevator up to Charlie’s penthouse, the bell boy asked me who “that Arab” was on my t-shirt. I said “Frank Zappa”. He said, oh, I thought it was Osama Bin Laden. I said, “No, Mr. Zappa is the best guitarist in the world, but is sadly no longer with us. He brought humor into music and he is my favorite”, I continued. Then the bell boy asked me if I was going up to massage Mr. Watts, and I said yes. Then he showed me the passport he had in his hand and asked me “Do you know this lady?”. I read it slowly, Christina Beyonce Knowles. WHAT!!!!!!! I was flippin’ out. Not sure if Christina is her middle name or first- but I was oogling her gorgeous passport picture in awe. I handed him $20 and my business card and said, “be sure she gets my card, please.”

He got off on the floor before me and I went to Charlies room, tapped on the door and heard him on the phone talking, he let me in, hugged me and kept talking. He said “Dot’s here, you remember Dot?” and I just went about my business and took off my shoes to prepare for the massage. He looks at my feet and says into the phone “Yeah, and she’s got a hole in her sock”. I laughed out loud and quickly ripped off my socks to change the subject. DAM! I have a million pairs of gorgeous new white socks, and I just had to shove these ones on that night! Figures.

We got on fine, as if I had seen him last week, when in fact I haven’t seen Charlie for over a year. He was unfortunately ill, but won the battle he had with Cancer. I was very worried and upset when he fell ill, but he kicked ass and is in great spirits and shape, ready to roll!

He had the radio station 90. 7 fm on, a NY jazz station and for two whole hours he told me about each song that was played, even songs that went as far back as 1928. He knows his music! I told him about my new hobby, karaoke, he was laughing and wanted to know what songs I did and if I did any Stones songs. I did my Mick Jagger impersonation for him, dancing like a rooster in heat with my lips out, and sang Brown Sugar (not the whole song silly, just a bit) and he was laughing his head off. I went round the massage table a few times doing the Mick dance.(Hard to pull off a realistic Mick dance with breasts, but I try my best.

The Stones are in NYC now for a week, doing a press conference today at noon and will play 3 songs live for the press and some lucky people from the public. I was invited too, but it’s at NOON, hello! I wouldn’t make it there on time even if a helicopter picked me up. I will see them play on tour anyways, can’t wait! Just can’t get over how cool Charlie is. No assistants dotting over him, no hair dye, no make up, no fuss, he is just REAL.

He does like Zappa too, his favorite album is   “Mothers..Fillmore East June 1971”. Nice call! I handed him an extra cd my pal Chris Opperman gave me. He sent me two of the same one, and I liked it, so I thought Charlie would enjoy something different. It is kind of jazzy and has a Zappa feel to it. I am curious to hear Charlie’s review of it. Charlie has given me a few jazz cd’s in the past, and I have given him a few too, so it’s like a tradition. Anyhow, let’s see what the Stones do to NYC, you will be seeing a lot of them in the press and they will be touring all of the US. YAY! 🙂

And, here is my Ask Dr. Dot column………………..

Dear Dr. Dot,

I’m getting divorced, my soon to be-ex and his teenage girlfriend moved into my apartment complex, so I see them all the time. I’m not sure if I’m ready to date, and would be concerned about getting someone else in my unavoidable drama, what would you suggest?


Dear Nancy,

Once you decide to move on, there is no need to inform your date about your love life history, it would bore him and probably scare him off. Let things unfold naturally, if your ex and new guy meet one day, just casually say, “Oh, that’s my ex, who decided to shit on his own door step” and laugh it off. With a new guy at your side, you should be busy making out, not gossiping about old news. Keep your head up high, don’t bad mouth your ex, in fact, and don’t mention him at all anymore. 

Dr. Dot


Dear Doc Dot,

I was wanting to try experimenting with my wife of 12 years and introduce anal sex. How should I go about doing this or should I even at all? My wife is a real conservative person when it comes to new things in the bedroom. Thanks for your help. 

Alan P.

Dear Alan, 

 I should just change my name to “Dr. Ass” since I get so many Q & A about anal situations. Anyhow, she may wonder, why all of the sudden the ass parade, but ease into it physically, not verbally. The missionary position (woman on the bottom) is the least painful way to try out anal for the first time with a woman. Perhaps after you make her orgasm she would be open to some more fun, as a treat for you. Take care of her first to increase your chances of it running smoothly, and make sure you have tons of lube near by and start with your fingers to loosen up the situation. If she freaks out over your fingers, that is a good sign she isn’t going for the butt hole surfing. If she is fine with the fingers, let her guide you, as not to rush in and cause too much pain all at once. I swear I have answered this question a few times before, what’s up with men and ass? Good luck and remember, take it slow and greasy if she agrees.

Dr. ASS!
PS. “Charlie’s good tonight” is a quote from Mick Jagger from the live album “Get yer Ya-Ya’s out”.. If you haven’t heard this album, you are missing the Stones at their best.