Ask Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,

I am sure this is a popular problem, but I like your advice and want to hear your ideas about what to do with a boy friend who used to be sober and productive but is now an alcoholic/pot head. We’ve been together 5 years and it’s so hard to just walk away, especially when he promises over and over again he will change and snap out of it (but he never does). I love him madly, but I can’t take it anymore!

Cindy

Dear Cindy,

The promises he makes are not from the sober version of him, so don’t take them seriously. He may mean well, but words don’t make up for destructive behavior. I know a woman, who stayed with a raging alcoholic (because they have 3 children together) for 30 years! She always threatened to leave him if he didn’t stop and guess what, he never stopped. She packed up and left him and never went back and he is still to this day a big time drinker, living a miserable life. Do you want to waste more time?  Write him a letter telling him it’s his last chance to keep you around. Make him know it’s either you or the substances. Then, if he doesn’t change, you must leave him. His unhappiness will bring you down and abusers unfortunately have to hit bottom before they (hopefully) save themselves. Stay strong and love yourself enough not to take anymore bullshit. Life is way too short!

Dr. Dot

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Dear Dr. Dot,

I starting seeing a girl I knew from school and our fling it lasted for 3 months. Al though I like many things about her, she turned me off with her drunken outbursts and constant criticizing of my “rock & roll life style”. I am a concert promoter/club owner and stay up late with rock bands and she is a  9 to 5 office girl. Instead of telling her, I just cut off contact, ignoring her calls & emails until she gave up. I feel guilty and since we come from the same town, everyone think’s of me as a bastard for breaking her heart. How can I make it better? I don’t want her back, but I want to clear the air.

Tony

Hi Tony,

You know, men do that shit all the time, they just disappear without warning, so you are not the only ‘bastard’ out there. I think they do it because they are afraid to hurt someone’s feelings, but in the end, they hurt the person 10 times more. It is best to tell a person why you are moving on, but that option is too late this time. Write her a letter and apologize for your ‘cowardly way of ending the romance’. Tell her your lifestyles are not compatible, but you would still like to be on a friendly basis if she can forgive you. Admitting you did a shitty thing should open a door to friendship and it will make you feel so much better. Don’t disappearing shit again, it’s evil.

Dr. Dot

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