I have been lying around sleeping, a bit ill (on anti-biotics which I try to avoid). Will rechage my batteries and blog. xx Dot
Monthly Archives: April 2005
Ask Dr. Dot
Before you read the Ask Dr. Dot, know that I am really working on another big blog, one that includes the Pennyroyals show I hosted at CBGB’s and the wild night out after. You will meet my gal pal Mechel (super cute). By the way, Jasmine was backstage at Robert Plant last week in Berlin. She said he was stuffing his face with Pizza after the show. His solo songs “sucked” but he played lots of obscure Zepp tunes and did ‘Whole lotta love’ for the encore. She is still afire from the experience. That’s my girl.
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Dear Dr. Dot,
I am not getting laid often enough. My friends call me Blue Balls. I have the gift of gab, I make every one laugh, but for some reason, the ladies aren’t falling for me. It’s spring and
I really need some action. I am not rich and I’m far from a Brad Pitt look-a-like, throw me fucking bone will ya?
Nicksui
Dear Nicksui,
You say you have the gift of gab that is half the battle. Make us laugh, entertain us but be a good listener. Girls LOVE to talk and need someone who will listen to all of their stories. Basically, they want someone who will listen them while rubbing their feet. I have mentioned this long ago, probably before you started reading my column, but a foot massage will get you there buddy. Honest, if you give long, firm foot rubs, she will want to repay you somehow, usually with sex, trust me. Every girl loves a good foot rub; it is a tiny sign of worship and adoring her. But don’t be cheap and lazy, do it often, do it for at least 20 minutes, spoil her from the feet up, insist on massaging her feet and you will be irreplaceable, hell, I would even go for a guy just for that!
Dr. Dot
Hey DD,
Since my girl started taking the pill, she is bigger and moody and totally not into sex like she used to be. Sure, now and then we get to enjoy unprotected sex, but not nearly often enough. Is it true the pill kills a sex drive or is she just not into me anymore?
JJ
Dear JJ,
As females, we are basically fucked no matter what form of birth control we choose. If we use condoms, we have to anticipate the limp dick syndrome and/or the chance of a rip or tear which could lead to a baby or a nasty disease. If we choose the diaphragm, we are not safe from disease and spontaneous sex becomes a thing of the past, what with the wrestling match in the bathroom with the slippery UFO shaped rubber thing we have to shove up our love hole, it just spoils the mood. The IUD (spiral thingy) is only good for monogamous females who have already had a baby, but you bleed non-stop for half the month usually. Ah, then the pill. We get clear skin and know exactly when the blood bath will occur, but the pill puts us in a constant state of the third month of pregnancy. Yes, you read rite. The hormones in the pill, tricks our body into thinking it is already 3 months preggy that’s why we can’t get pregnant on the pill, as we are already pregnant! How do preggy women behave? Clingy, jealous, moody, insecure, not really in the mood for more sex and usually they bloat up like a floating device. So, make up your fucking mind. If you want unprotected sex with your mate, then put up with the bloated version of your gal and expect on giving much more love and compliments to make her feel wanted and sexy/attractive. You (unfortunately) can’t have it all. Free Willy has it’s price.
Dr. Dot
Dear Dr.Dot,
My boyfriend is from a very straight conservative background. I was wondering how I can get him to loosen up and do some of the things in your column, like watch porn with me or let me strip for him.
PS. are you a real doctor?
Alice
Dear Alice,
Conservative or not, a man is a man. You don’t need words to try naughty things on him, like stripping for him. If you ask or tell him ahead of time, you may ruin the mood. Just wait until you know he is relaxed and not going anywhere, and just walk into the room, turn some sexy music on if you like, Billie Holiday for example, and start dancing slowly and remove pieces of clothing in a very sexy manner and toss them gently to him. Don’t answer any of his questions, just
smile and turn him on with your naughty moves. You can use a large mirror propped up behind you so he can get a view from all angles while you prop up one leg onto a chair and touch yourself. Men like to see entry and re-entry so don’t be shy. There is no such thing as a woman that is “too naughty” in the bed room. Avoid any thoughts of doubt as it will ruin the mood. Just know you are his favorite eye candy and men love to watch, no matter what their background is!
You can ease him into porn, the next time, don’t try to bring
it all out at once. Have him “accidentally” catch you enjoying your fingers while you watch porn one day when he gets home from work, and again, no need for words, just let him join you. If he storms off in a prude manner, do not apologize or explain, it’s sex and there is no need for explaining.
To answer your last question, am I a “real Doctor”, according to the Dictionary, I am.
Verb: To make suitable or improve by altering in a certain way. Noun: A person skilled in repairing or improving something broken or flawed.
One skilled or specializing in healing arts. A person who restores or repairs things. ORIGIN:Latin, meaning ‘teacher’.
Dr. Dot
Ratdog shows (Bob Weir and friends)
Yes, it's been a whole week since I saw Ratdog for the first time out of the 3 times I saw them this past week, but this is the first time I've had the time to sit down and focus on the blog. Now my column, 'Ask Dr. Dot' is due out in many different places, so I have more dead lines to meet and asses to kiss lol. Nah, just kidding, I love writing my column and I am proud to announce it now appears online at NYROCK.com which has been goin' strong for 9 years.
They give me a lot of freedom (I am allowed to swear, yay!) compared to other US publications that run my column. So I have the rated PG version and rated R version. I don't like being tamed and having limitations, but I suppose sometimes you have to behave to reach a bigger audience with your advice/talent/what have you.
Back to Ratdog. Ratdog is fronted by the Grateful Dead's singer, Bob Weir. Now that Jerry Garcia is dead 🙁 the G.Dead still tours, but sometimes members break off and tour alone with their own solo projects. Ratdog has been going on for 12 years now (that's what the drummer, Jay, told me anyways. I first met Bobby WAY back in 1984. I asked him for an autograph, as I was overwhelmed and didn't know I would see him almost everyday for 3 years after that.
Steve Parish, the former stage manager for the Dead (who was with them for like 30 years) invited me backstage to massage his neck during the show, actually on the stage. That is how I met the Dead. My family, (hippie parents) brought me to many shows of the Dead even when I was young, so I was always curious to meet them and see if they were like I imagined.
After I graduated high school, I put all my shit into storage ( I will still dating Joey Ramone) but got sick of the same old scene. I wanted to be free and follow the dead. I stopped shaving, wearing make up and a bra and just turned “natural” you know, granola baby. Needless to say, Joey was shocked the next time he saw me, barefoot and high and 5 pounds chubbier, wearing tied dyed everything and not giving a shit about a thing except what the Dead played the night before.
I have to laugh now, as Zappa wrote a few songs making fun of people like that, exactly how I was at that period, playing my bongos in the dirt in San Fran, in between Dead tours:
FRANK ZAPPA 'FLOWER PUNK'
Hey Punk, where you goin' with that flower in your hand?
Hey Punk, where you goin' with that flower in your hand?
Well, I'm goin' up to Frisco to join a psychedelic band.
I'm goin' up to Frisco to join a psychedelic band.
Hey Punk, where you goin' with that button on your shirt?
Hey Punk, where you goin' with that button on your shirt?
I'm goin' to the love-in to sit & play my bongos in the dirt.
Yes, I'm goin' to the love-in to sit & play my bongos in the dirt.
Hey Punk, where you goin' with that hair on your head?
Hey Punk, where you goin' with that hair on your head?
I'm goin' to the dance to get some action, then I'm goin' home to bed.
I'm goin' to the dance to get some action, then I'm goin' home to bed.
Hey Punk, where you goin' with those beads around your neck?
Hey Punk, where you goin' with those beads around your neck?
I'm goin' to the shrink so he can help me be a nervous wreck . . .”
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I always wore a pin on my clothes of Frank sitting on the crapper, and so the dead heads all called me “Zappa Crappa” in stead of Dot.
There were around 3,000 of us dead-heads who were at every show, tour heads. I never asked for money from the dead for massaging them, I just wanted in to every show (back stage of course and to see every sound check and to occasionally take advantage of the catering 🙂 I mainly massaged Bill and Mickey, the two drummers, but sometimes Bobby would have a back rub and Steve Parish always had a neck rub during the show. (I made braceletes and sold tye dyes to make $$). Jerry sometimes had his forearms and hands done, but he would never take off that famous red t-shirt of his. I am getting WAY off subject here.
I heard from certain band members (Ratdog) that now that the Dead tour without Jerry, that the bass player, Phil has taken charge and he is a bit of a control freak to say the least. This lead to Bob being a bit depressed and drinking a bit too much on the last summer tour. I found out how different even the management is now when I called backstage last summer to see if anyone needed a rub down and the people working the management are absolute assholes, screaming into the phone that “Steve Parish doesn't fucking work with us anymore” and just being snotty pricks.
So much for the hippie-love vibe, that died with Jerry, let me tell ya. Loads of people had been fired to save money and well, increase the income of the remaining folks, which I suppose is only natural, it is the survival of the fittest now isn't it? It's all about the Benjamins now with the Grateful Dead, so don't forget to buy a few t-shirts when you see them so Phil and co. can relax and live the good life.
They were the top grossing touring band for like 20 years, all of their shows were sold out solid and I mean ALL. Guess they didn't save up for that rainy day, tsk tsk.
Backstage at the Starland Ballroom, last Tuesday night, I saw Bob Wier and he said “Hey Dot, long time no see” which was really nice. He seems really happy and healthy now, but yes, he is still wacky. He is hard to describe. Silly, strange, moody, sweet, mysterious but most of all fun.
His wife is about 20 years younger than he is and she looks like Shaina Twain. They have a kid or two together, I saw one backstage at the Beacon theater shows.
Anyhow, it was cool pulling into the parking lot, reminded me of the G. Dead days, everyone smoking doobies and dancing next to their car, each car blasting out a different dead tune. Most selling shit next to their car, like tye dyes, hand made jewelry and food. I was curious about the music, as I had never seen Ratdog before, just Bobby and the Midnights, his other solo project. Ratdog played mainly Dead tunes, check it out
^ I'm telling you, my camera is not the best
And keeping with Dead tradition, Bob had an oriental rug on the stage. The place was full of Dead Heads all twirling and dancing around, just like the old times. I think Bob is happier doing Ratdog than he is touring with the Dead, but they have to tour again for their 40th!! anniversary tour this summer.
I massaged the guitar player (he signed the set list above) and drummer, a hottie named Jay Lane. Hello, his wife is one lucky lady, he is super fun and extremely sexy, like an American Indian with a bit of European thrown in there. He is about 6 foot 5 inches tall and well, aaah, I am swooning still.
They invited me to massage them again the next couple nights at their hotel in NYC and then again at the Beacon Theater shows Friday and Saturday night, both were mega sold out. Loads of hippies standing outside just holding up one finger, as in “I need a miracle, just one miracle”.
My pal Steve, the tour manager goes outside at every show, when there are 3 songs left and gives out a bunch of “miracle tickets” as he calls 'em to random Dead Heads, which is so sweet of him.
Steve at work> 
Steve is a hard rocker, and so I hung out pretty often in his tour office listening to his favorite group, the Deftones on his computer. I am certain the hippie music is just not his thing.
I was told Bob's wife didn't want me to massage Bob. In fact, he used these very words “She would hand me my left nut”. LOL! She shot me dirty looks every time she saw me backstage. What ever snotty, get over it, if I wanted to shag Bobby, I would have done it LONG ago, before he met you.
She was just out for a few shows, bothering, I mean, visiting Bobby. No wonder most rock stars leave their ball and chain at home, no man wants to be told what he can and can not do, especially a rock star. No big woop, I had a blast hanging out with the lads, massaging them and then on the last night, going out to karaoke with a couple of them. One thing I will always remember, is telling Jay, the drummer, how it irked me that I never got to see Jerry play 'Dear Prudence' live.
I have seen the Dead over 300 times and it was always the show (Jerry solo) that I missed when he played that tune. (Also, I can't believe all those years and not one picture of them in person. You just don't ask the Dead for such a thing, it was like a religion and Jerry was the pope, you just didn't. I mean, how many pictures have YOU seen of Jerry and a fan? None. Anyhow, Jay said, “I will get Bob to play it tomorrow”. Sure enough, they played it Friday night, it was fucking incredible.
If Ratdog is heading your way, try to catch their show, it's almost like the old days, in fact, it is better than seeing the dead from 1986-1989 because when they released that song “touch of grey” and went on MTV for the first time in 1986, the secret party was over, it was laden with fake hippies selling crack and scalping tickets, it just wasn't the same anymore. Now that the smoke has cleared and they hype is over, Ratdog, even though Jerry isn't there, is a special exprerience, a secret party, so keep it low.
I just love how colorful the Dead passes were. I have to get my Ratdog passes scanned in, they have a snarling, vicious dog on them. My book 'Butt Naked and Backstage” (which isn't out yet in the US) goes into great detail about my years on Dead tours as well as every band I come across. My blogs are just quickes, someday the long version will be available for you if you want. It's a rock and roll diary, yeah baby.
Ask Dr. Dot
Dear Dr. Dot,
My boyfriend likes it when I stick my fingers and other objects in his ass. I wonder if he is really gay deep down inside. Do you think he is secretly queer, or is this a new trend? I find it all rather stinky and strange but I do it because he asks me to (and out of curiosity), but it makes me worry. When I am in there, I think to myself “Baby, you need a MAN!”. I feel like I can’t satisfy him.
Janet Planet
Dear Janet,
Believe it or not, a lot of guys like that. Usually the more successful the man, the more pain he wants in his ass. I think it’s a way for them to be submissive, to finally let someone else be in charge. Perhaps it is just relaxing for him and he thinks it feels good (who the hell knows why). I doubt any gay intentions. It’s best not to bring it up outside of the bedroom, as they don’t like to verbally admit they like it. If you really want to rock his world, buy a strap on, see how he likes that! Keep baby wipes at arm’s length if you get my drift.
Dr. Dot
Dear Dr. Dot,
I wanted to get my girl’s name tattooed onto my arm but she doesn’t want me to. I thought this was the ultimate way to express one’s undying love? Is this a bad sign?
Steve K.
Dear Steve,
Maybe she is just wise and/or had a bad experience in the past. Getting your lovers name tattooed onto your body gives them a license to take you for granted, I mean; they KNOW they have you whipped at that point. It is indeed a sweet thought, but don’t do it. Everyone I know who did it ended up breaking up and having it covered up with something else. The person who got the tattoo done is usually the heart broken one in the end. If you want to show her how much you love her, give her oral sex and/or flowers and don’t forget, always make her laugh!
Dr. Dot
Ask Dr. Dot
Dear Dr. Dot,
I am sure this is a popular problem, but I like your advice and want to hear your ideas about what to do with a boy friend who used to be sober and productive but is now an alcoholic/pot head. We’ve been together 5 years and it’s so hard to just walk away, especially when he promises over and over again he will change and snap out of it (but he never does). I love him madly, but I can’t take it anymore!
Cindy
Dear Cindy,
The promises he makes are not from the sober version of him, so don’t take them seriously. He may mean well, but words don’t make up for destructive behavior. I know a woman, who stayed with a raging alcoholic (because they have 3 children together) for 30 years! She always threatened to leave him if he didn’t stop and guess what, he never stopped. She packed up and left him and never went back and he is still to this day a big time drinker, living a miserable life. Do you want to waste more time? Write him a letter telling him it’s his last chance to keep you around. Make him know it’s either you or the substances. Then, if he doesn’t change, you must leave him. His unhappiness will bring you down and abusers unfortunately have to hit bottom before they (hopefully) save themselves. Stay strong and love yourself enough not to take anymore bullshit. Life is way too short!
Dr. Dot
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Dear Dr. Dot,
I starting seeing a girl I knew from school and our fling it lasted for 3 months. Al though I like many things about her, she turned me off with her drunken outbursts and constant criticizing of my “rock & roll life style”. I am a concert promoter/club owner and stay up late with rock bands and she is a 9 to 5 office girl. Instead of telling her, I just cut off contact, ignoring her calls & emails until she gave up. I feel guilty and since we come from the same town, everyone think’s of me as a bastard for breaking her heart. How can I make it better? I don’t want her back, but I want to clear the air.
Tony
Hi Tony,
You know, men do that shit all the time, they just disappear without warning, so you are not the only ‘bastard’ out there. I think they do it because they are afraid to hurt someone’s feelings, but in the end, they hurt the person 10 times more. It is best to tell a person why you are moving on, but that option is too late this time. Write her a letter and apologize for your ‘cowardly way of ending the romance’. Tell her your lifestyles are not compatible, but you would still like to be on a friendly basis if she can forgive you. Admitting you did a shitty thing should open a door to friendship and it will make you feel so much better. Don’t disappearing shit again, it’s evil.
Dr. Dot
Project Object: the BEST Frank Zappa tribute band
I guess I was wrong assuming every one knew who Project Object was, or even what it is. My gal pal Elizabeth called me and asked if it was the name of a new secret blog I was building, aw, isn’t that cute.
No, Project Object is the next best thing to seeing Frank Zappa himself live. Last time I saw them was 2 years ago, waaay too long ago. But last Monday, April 4th they opened their “Social Insecurities” tour at the BB King club in NYC with a vengeance. The opening act was a Rush tribute band from Ohio called Momo’s Dance Party and they were fucking amazing. What a great combo, some Rush for an appetizer, then a big Frank Zappa feast to satisfy your hunger! If they come to your state, you must go check them out.
Before the show, I was backstage doing my usual groupie shit (nah, just joking!) I was rubbing down the band getting them all rubbery for the show. Napoleon was practicing his horns all the while, filling the halls with amazing sounds. He is over 60 years old (no one really knows, and he won’t tell, and why should he? It’s rude as hell to ask someone their age, keep this in mind when you meet me, got it?)
Napoleon Murphy Brock with his sax ^
^ Napoleon in action ^ Andre’ tears it up
Napoleon goes WAY back with Frank, google it if you want to dig deeper. Andre’ Cholmondeley is on lead guitar and shares vocals with Ike Wills, Frank’s former right hand man for years. Ike also plays guitar. Napoleon sings and plays a bunch of shit on stage, he moves around like he has hot ants in his pants, the man can move! He keeps the crowd laughing and wide awake with his crazy dancing and funny expressions, he cracks me UP!
< Napoleon is a freakin' sweet heart!
^ Andre’ and again with the song set list from Monday night’s show ^
^ Yay! See what you missed? ^ Robbie on guitar (photo by Cristina)
^ The infamous IKE WILLIS
^ That shot taken by Cristina Grohowski
Frank Zappa’s album Joe’s Garage has a song on it called “Wet t-shirt nite” and during that song, they act out a real Wet t-shirt contest, starring ‘Mary’ who is featured throughout the whole concept album (if you don’t have it yet, why the fuck not?). Anyhow, since I know the album inside and out and all of the lyrics, Andre’ and I thought it would be funny to have me play Mary and come on stage wearing a wife-beater shirt I bought at a cheesy tourist shop next store. Ike would have the honors of getting me all wet. We were afraid of getting all the equipment wet, so he poured the water on my breasts rather than spraying me like they do in real wet t-shirt contest (I’m assuming). So it was my first wet t-shirt contest and it was obvious I was gonna win, as there were no other tits involved except mine.
I have a video, thanks to Cristina, a fellow female Zappa fanatic, of me on stage, but it is currently too large to put on my blog, I am working on getting it shortened.
^ My tits look obnoxious in that shirt hanging there with no bra, tomb raider comes to mind
“And here comes the water!” Ike drenches me, good golly what a mess.
I was acting the part of Mary, saying all the lines like “Look I really need the 50 dollars, I gotta get home” etc, acting dumb as she is on the LP. It was fun, and Andre’ introduced me not as “The charming Mary Canoga park” but as “The charming Dr. Dot from Hoboken” and he plugged my web site after I left the stage, cheers for that Andre’ 🙂
^ Andre’ and I by Cristina Grohowski ^ Jimmy D and I (he drives the band everywhere)
Ok, I look fucking ILL in all of these photos, pale, pasty, chubby, what the FUCK! I need a vacation ok? I need a massage and some Dirty Love! I never see the day light, stay on this computer way to much, soon I will grow fangs.
< we can't forget Don Preston!
^ This was taken the last time I saw Project Object and Don was on key boards with them. He is one of the Mothers of Invention, in other words, he goes WAY WAY back with Frank Zappa and is a super cool dude. Project Object is really the only fix Zappa fans can count on for live entertainment. Every musician in the band is amazing. The bass player, Dave, is young and really humble. He fucking wails on bass but keeps a low profile. The new key board player, Eric, may look like an Army Sergeant, but he is beyond cool. I heard he just shaved off his wild red afro (he is from Norway I think, you know those crazy Viking type dudes!). And Glen on drums, he and I keep in touch all the time per email, but funny enough, he was “afraid” to get a massage this time, claims I was too brutal on him last time, but I think it’s because his gal pal was with him and NO girl likes to watch me tenderize her man hee hee.
If you want to see them and are too lazy/busy to go to their web site, check this out:
All tickets for tour are now sold through musictoday. Check this page:
http://www.projectobject.tickets.musictoday.com/ProjectObject/calendar.aspx
10 SUN Worcester MA Tammany Hall ADVANCE TICKETS>> CLICK HERE!!
11 MON Cambridge, MA Middle East opener>>Insidious Rays
12 TUE Providence, RI The Call
13 WED Travel/”Off”
14 THU Chicago, IL Martyrs
15 FRI Chicago, IL Martyrs opener>>Insidious Rays
16 SAT Taylor, MI (Detroit) Trolley Stop opener>>Insidious Rays
17 SUN Cleveland, OH Beachland Ballroom opener>>Insidious Rays
18 MON Pittsburgh, PA Mr. Small’s Funhouse opener>>Insidious Rays
19 TUE Buffalo, NY Club Infinity
4/20 WED Rochester, NY Milestones
21 THU Plains, PA River St Jazz
22 FRI Plains, PA River St Jazz opener>>Insidious Rays
23 SAT Baltimore, MD Funk Box
24 SUN Philly, PA World Café Live
this just in ..! TUES MAY 31-DON PRESTON w/Akashic Ensemble feat. Don Preston-Moog Legend! (Moog Voyager, computer, effects) Andre’ Cholmondeley (Moog Rogue, Moog effects, synths, samples), Cheri Jiosne (Moog effects, synth percussion, loops) –TUESDAY MAY 31 NYC – BB KING’S BLUES CLUB!!
You know his legendary performances on Zappa/Mothers albums like WAKA/JAWAKA and FILLMORE EAST-come see the pioneer of electronica at… BB Kings Blues Club @ MOOGFEST 2005 – The Third Annual celebration of all things Moog. come see one of the first people to ever play a Moog Synth- Don Preston, along with amazing artists like Edgar Winter, Bernie Worrell (P-FUNK), Jordan Rudess (Dream Theater), DJ Logic, Money Mark (Beastie Boys), Adam Holzman (fr. Miles Davis), Living Colour, Sabina & Didi (Brazilian Girls), Steve Molitz (Particle) and many more!! Stay tuned for more DON PRESTON dates May30-Jun5 2005.
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Project Object blog is in the works
WHOA, this Project Object blog is taking me foreva! I have spent over 4 hours just on the pictures alone, but it is worth the wait, promise. Meanwhile, feast yer eyes on this new sport (founded in the suburbs of Mid Western USA)
Ask Dr. Dot
Dear Dr. Dot,
I live in NYC and as you know, it’s packed with gorgeous people. Now that Spring is here, the competition is shrewd. I’m just an average girl and feel out of place here thanks to all of the tall, thin nicely dressed babes. Any tips or ideas to increase my chances of landing a guy would be greatly appreciated.
Plain Jane
Dear Jane,
It’s best not even to think in such terms, as there will always be someone younger, thinner, hotter than you. Don’t even go there. Concentrate on yourself and be the best you can be. Make sure you are well groomed and smelling fresh at all times. I usually don’t give out my secret scent, but if you want to knock the guys off their feet, get “Hypnotic Poison” from Christian Dior, that perfume intoxicates men. Also, go out on Monday nights, there is less competition and a rainy Monday night is even better! Good luck.
Dr. Dot
Dear Dr. Dot,
I feel a lot of pressure when I go out with my friends. It seems getting drunk every weekend is the manly ritual, but I am trying to drink less and my friends give me shit about it constantly. Should I just find new friends or stop going out? How does the average guy stand his ground when trying to stay healthy but keep his friends?
Stan
Dear Stan,
This happens to me a lot to when I go out to karaoke. I even feel pressure from the bar-tenders when I order club soda, they look at me like I am a cheap skate but in reality I am just not a big drinker. Try this, order a half club soda with half cranberry juice (or any juice) when your friends are not paying attention. Get the bar-tender alone for a minute and ask them to put your fancy club soda in a cocktail glass. You can use the “I can’t drink, I’m on anti-biotics” line now and then. If your friends find out and give you a hard time, then yes, maybe it is time to seek out new ones, perhaps in a gym where healthy minded people hang out, after all, if your pals can’t accept the truth and force you to lie, there’s something wrong.
Dr. Dot
Zakk Wylde show (April 2 2005)
^ What I love about this picture is the fact I am tugging on his beard and getting away with it 😀
When I was introduced to Zakk, he threw many compliments at me, making me blush and smirk. He was like, “I'm a married man, but if I wasn't, I'd eat you alive lady, you're gorgeous! But, I love my wife, would kill for her, I'm a family man”. I heard he is from NJ, in fact, not far from the Starland Ballroom, the venue which he sold out last Saturday night.
He is Ozzy's guitarist and people were basically crying outside because they couldn't get in. It was that packed. I was surprised how gorgeous he is in person. Also, he is so polite and charming, hello, it was hot as hell in his dressing room!
There were so many bikers there and Black Label members (similar to Hells Angels in case you were wondering). Made me think of the film “Gimme Shelter” the Stones at Altamont, Sympathy for the Devil, you know that film? Security for that gig was all done by Hells Angels and one guy got stabbed to death (by a Hells Angel) when the Stones started playing Sympathy for the Devil. But at Zakk Wyldes gig, everyone was peaceful and happy as hell to see their hero on stage. I heard a bit of gossip before the show: At the hotel where Zakk was before the show, the cops arrived and asked the concierge “which room is Zakk Wyldes?” and headed up in the elevator at the same time, Zakk was on his way down in the other elevator thanks to a tip from a friend. Guns were being fired off in his hotel room, no one was hurt, I think it was just for fun, you know, like pre-show fireworks LOL! Hope I don't get shot for repeating that, if so, you know why hee hee. 
^ Zakk on stage > 
We were lucky to even get to see him play, as the electricity went out 4 times before the show thanks to the heavy rain storm. Everyone was freaking out wondering if the show would go on or not and if so, would the power go out during one of his guitar solos? If so, would he get pissed off and shoot someone? All of this anticipation made the evening HOT!
The opening act, Meldrum > 
are all from Sweden except the blonde guitarist, Michelle, who's last name is Meldrum, yep, she is the founder of the band and she is from Detroit. I massaged the WHOLE band, including their bus driver and tour manager.
^ Moa, the singer of Meldrum before the show ^ and during
^ Michelle warming up before the show
^ Frida the bassist, after show
I was at the Project Object show last night, which ROCKED! Will tell you about that in the near future, promise.
Dr. Dot
MISFITS show (Ramones and Black Flag )
The Misfits packed the Starland Ballroom Friday night and let me tell you, when they say “all ages show” they mean it. I saw 8 year old kids running around with their faces painted like Jerry Only’s (Singer of the band). 
Jerry Only^ Marky Ramone ^
There is only 3 guys in the Misfits, Jerry Only sings and plays bass (Jerry and I go way back), Marky Ramone on drums and Dez Cadena, the former singer and guitarist from Black Flag. I find it cute that since Marky and Dez are ‘without their original band’ that they fit nicely into the Misfits.
Jerry is Mr. PR. He poses for pictures with his fans and spends an hour signing autographs after the show, like a good rock/punk/pop star should! One thing Jerry and I have in common (besides hating cigarettes) is the fact we both were treated badly on the Howard Stern show and we both moan about it and rank on ‘Coward Stern’ when asked about him. HISSSS!
Anyhow, the band played mostly Ramones songs and had the place in an uproar with tons of crowd surfing and occasional stage diving. They sure do make a lot of fucking noise for having only 3 dudes in the band. The kids went WILD!
One by one the crowd surfers would land with a crash in the press pit with a smile on their face, then get quickly ushered out by the security back into the crowd to surf again. That’s another great thing about the Starland Ballroom, even the security is cool!
All band members are somewhat from the area so there were tons of relatives back stage. Jerry’s son was there with tons of friends, I’d say they were all about 16 or 17 years old. I can imagine if Jasmine and her pal Rachel were there, they would have had a blast, lots of cuties there, especially the one with the mohawk wearing the ‘FUCK BUSH’ T-shirt. I had to think “don’t stand so close to me” a few times :O
Note to perverted self: Must remember my age, must remember my age.
Dez didn’t mind one bit having me document his pre-show make up routine
^ Dez all made up and ready to play ^ Blurry shot of Dez and I
^ Dez without make up
^ Jerry and I before the show. ^ Jerry shows his cool custom made gloves he had made in Boston
Jerry did a huge favor for me a few years ago, he came to my flat and let VH-1 film us for hours. I massaged him and gave him the Bite Method massage (which I invented) and you can see a bit of this chaos if you view the videos on my web site. When Jerry left my flat with the camera crew, he shocked the nosey old lady living below me by yelling “man, that was the hardest Porn I have ever filmed!” All of my nosey neighbors heard it, but I was pissing my pants laughing. He is wicked funny!
Marky was napping before the show, but when he woke up to go to the little boys room, he saw me in the hall and invited me into his dressing room, problem is, he was so tired and out of it, he tried to lead me into the ladies room instead. LOL!
Anyhow, once I convinced him that wasn’t the dressing room, we went into his room and chatted about old times. I had him sign an old picture of us 
I can’t believe he can sleep through all of the chaos that goes on back stage. When I left his room, he said he was going to sleep some more. It’s wicked loud back stage!
Jerry also signed some pic’s for me
^ that was taken in my flat for the VH-1 shoot ^ Berlin 1997 (Jerry decorated my face when he- signed the autograph)
Listen, my camera is amazing, but I don’t have a scanner. I took a picture of my autographs until I find time to drag my ass to Kinkos and have them all scanned in. Note to self: get a frickin’ scanner!
Jerry Only’s birthday is next week, so his ex-wife’s sister brought him a huge cake
^ ‘Happy Birthday Uncle Jerry’ ^ Slicing the cake on stage
He is so sweet, after the show, the lucky few fans not only got to meet him and take pictures with him, they also sang him Happy Birthday and after he cut the cake, they all got a tiny piece of it ( I got a huge piece as I am a pig). Then after all that cake, Jerry and I did some more Howard Stern bashing in his dressing room 😀
Jerry’s personal trainer Steve (sorry, no image) gave me a foot massage. He massaged my left foot 3 years ago at a Ramones party and finally my right foot got a rub down too. Steve decided it was best that I drive Dez home, since it was on my way. Dez lives in Newark.
Dez and I got into my car and the CD that was blaring from my cd player was live Frank Zappa from 1984, sound board (as in, not legal) but so fucking amazing. I said, sorry, you have to listen to Frank while I drive.
He looked at me long and hard and said ” I can’t fucking believe this!”. I was like, “Wot?” He says “I am a Zappa fanatic!”. Sure enough, he sang along to every song, knew every word! I decided to test him a bit and threw in “Over night sensation” (an old Zappa album) and he knew every fucking song on that too.
It was so funny in the car. He was air guitarring and singing along with me, we both air guitarred every amazing Frank solo, wicked funny!!! He invited me up to his flat to see his Frank Zappa painting that someone gave him and I reluctantly went up there, I mean, it was like 2am already and I was beat. I am glad I went up! He has more Zappa video footage than I do and so much music, I felt like a kid in a candy shop. He whipped out his
(yeah, you pervert, thought I was gonna say willy right?)
acoustic guitar and started playing some Zappa off the Uncle Meat album, but I thought it would be nicer to sing along to Me and Bobby McGhee instead. So here’s Dev standing and playing while I sang. The neighbors were not amused. Dev gave me a tour of his flat, he has it done up like a castle inside. He has a face mask of Bella Lugosi , as in, when he died, they poured plaster onto his face and made a mask. Dez has one of them among other dead peoples masks hanging around. He has some stuffed bats. As in, the tiny animal. He also has a skeleton of a bat 
framed on the wall. I could imagine Ozzy and/or Alice Cooper living here if you get my drift. After dissing Frank Sinatra in the car, I found out he is a big Frank Sinatra fan (yikes!). He has Frank’s mug shot for when he was arrested for crude behavior in Hoboken at age 17. I don’t care, I stand by my opinion, if you are a karaoke freak like I am in the NYC area, you grow to hate Bon Jovi, Frank Sinatra, Bruce Springsteen and Billy Joel for the mere reason, that every fucker around sings their songs at karaoke as if there were NO other artist to sing, you get sick of them, honestly!Same fucking shit every time you go out “Piano Man” “Living on a prayer” “Born to Run” and “New York state of mind” give it a fucking rest will ya!? Try some Paul Simon or Kiss for a change.
Anyhow, oh yes, the Zappa painting it hangs very prominently in his living room.
He indeed LOVES ZAPPA. And, as I always say, any fan of Zappa, is a friend of mine. I had to take a picture of Dez’s guitar case love the hand written text on there. I will massage Dez next week and he wants to show me some famous pizza palor in Brooklyn but therefore he must endure some karaoke in the city with me 😀
Now for some Starland Ballroom shots. Like I said before, the staff there is one big happy family. The kitchen is the main hang out and there is always someone ‘on’ there, as in, on stage, making the jokes. Paul and Brain are the cooks and Paul is a massive Dead Head (Grateful Dead fan in case you live in a cave). Paul feeds me and I massage him (will work for food)
^ Paul (Mr. Food) ^ Ilya in “I’m big in Europe” shirt. ^ Hot Roadie chick
^ Vinnie the magician ^ Rada; Rada’s breast, me, her brother Ilya, Nick and Paul
The staff are all comedians, we all take turns cracking jokes and each band has to walk through the kitchen and sometimes they hang out and crack jokes with everyone. Vinnie the magician is amazing with cards, you can hardly tell from this picture of him, but he made it look like cards were pouring out of his mouth. Rada and Ilya are bother and sister and are from Israel and are so fucking sweet. I spend more time massaging the staff then the rock stars, and I love it.
I am off to bed, I have to get up in 6 hours to visit NYC’s best Tattoo shop called the “Last Write”. Something has to be done about that nasty excuse for a tattoo I have on my right ankle, I need a cover up tattoo. I will fill you in on Zack Wylde tomorrow. He rocked by the way!