Ask Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,

My girl friend of 8 months keeps begging me to have my fore-skin cut off of my penis. Her last boy friend was an American and now that’s all she likes. I was born in England and no one there circumcises there baby boy. I am afraid of the pain but my lady really wants the cut version of my manhood. Blimey, what should I do?

Un-cut Rupert 

Dear Un-cut Rupert,

Your uncut penis is how nature intended it to be. Almost 85% of men on this earth are uncut. If she has a problem with the real deal, tell her to find one of the 15% of the guys who were unfortunate enough to be put under the knife with out their consent, buy her a freakin’ ticket to America and tell her to have a good time! Would she make her breasts smaller or larger for you? I think not. No love is worth changing your body for! Tell her “as-is baby!”. On a personal note, I love the un-cut version of the man and find it incredibly  ignorant to cut a baby boy.

Dr. Dot

 

Dear Doctor D,

Every time I date a man, I fall madly in love. I end up smothering them and giving too much, to the point I sadly drive them away. I can’t control myself, I love them too hard. Is there a secret recipe to loving less? I am almost 30 and still haven’t learned it if there is.

Lori

Dear Lori,

The Beatles said it years ago in their songs “Hide your love away” and “My love don’t give me presents”. Seems to me, men like the apathetic approach from a woman, not the clingy, needy, over attentive mom type girlfriend. Make sure you live your own life to the fullest and let them set the love pace. Avoiding sleeping next to him may help you stay in control of your emotions.  I find that avoiding sleeping next to a man also keeps his fire burning strong for you. If you sleep next to them, you may fall into a pattern which you could confuse as love and actually get addicted to sleeping next to him. Distance is the key to passion, not smothering each other.

Dr. Dot

Ask Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,

My boy friend ‘snaps his carrot’ like 5 times a day and still wants sex with me even after all that!  He is already 23, so shouldn’t it slow down about now? Is this normal? Aren’t I enough for him?  Am I  dating a wanker?

Pam  M.   

Dear Pam,

Yes, it’s normal. Be happy he is busy with himself and you, it could be worse; he could be with a few different girls a day (well, if he is hot enough and/or rich enough). I know men who are in their 40’s and still talk about how often they have a pull. I often wonder where they find time to work or anything else for that matter. It seems like a full time job to me lol. There is nothing you can do about it, just enjoy and be happy you don’t have a stiff muscle that needs constant attention.

Dr. Dot     

                       



Hey Dr. Dot,

My girlfriend won’t tell me how many lovers she has had in the past. I told her my number, but she won’t even give me a ballpark figure. Is this a bad sign? She is really good looking and amazing in bed, so I can’t help but wonder. How can I get her to tell me? It’s making me curious to the point where I’m debating hiring a Detective.

Nate

 

Hey Nate,

Even if you hired her Gynecologist as your Detective you will never know how many lovers she has had and if you did know, you may end up disappointed, angry, jealous and/or bored. This topic should be taboo, it’s private and irrelevant! Asking such questions makes you appear insecure (and nosey!) which gives her power over you in the game of love. Don’t tamper with the fine balance in a relationship if you don’t have to. The past is over, just live in the now and enjoy her talent.

Dr. Dot

Massaging Mariah

Just wanted to say I massaged Mariah Carey last night and maybe have to again tonight. What a gorgeous woman! Will fill you in later. I land Monday back in the USA xx Dot

Inspired to CHILL

These guys have inspired me to chill out. I am without internet from March 14th until March 21st, when is when I land back in America, so I will take a tiny blog break (unless something earth-shattering happens, then I will run to the nearest internet cafe/shop to blog)

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

                                             

Wish I would be there in NYC for the largest and oldest parade. Oh well, have to find a cozy Irish pub here in Berlin for some Craic! (not crack! Craic! Silly!)

craic – (crack) the particular sense of esprit produced by the confluence of drink, romance

and music. “We went out to Pollagh last night – The Renegades were playing. It was great

 craic!” It can also mean whatever is happening at any particular time and place. Padriac

walks into the bar and asks, “What’s the craic, lads?” 

                                             

Hmm, wish I had some Irish in me  😉     

                                             

Ask Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,

Is there a polite way to tell a girl she has really bad breath? I met this hot girl and we get along great, but when I get close to her and smell her bad breath I start to feel ill. This is not a one off; it’s like that every time. It’s bad enough that she smokes, but this other smell is what’s turning me off. I can’t seem to find the words to tell her.

Pete

Dear Pete,

Try offering her a strong gum or mint every time you meet up. Hopefully she gets the hint, if not, tell her you hate cigarettes but want to kiss her. You are lucky; at least you have the cigs to blame. Some folks don’t smoke and still fume at the mouth. Gum disease and/or  being hungry make the mouth smell like a compost heap. I am not one to tip toe around this topic, I once left a guy who reeked from the mouth so bad, it made my eyes water. If you are too afraid to be blunt, tell her you are paranoid about germs and can only kiss after you both brush your teeth and rinse with mouthwash. A good rule of thumb, if someone stinks upstairs, they will stink downstairs even worse, if you catch my drift.

Dr. Dot

 

Dear Dr. Dot,

My boyfriend says I am too jealous, which could be true, but I don’t know how to tone it down. He is a guitar player in a band and many women want him and seem to ignore the fact his has a girlfriend. I find myself snooping through his emails, pockets and handy for clues. I can’t give him up, I am hooked. Please help, but use a fake name. Thanks.

Penny Lane   

Dear Penny,

Dating a musician, politician, athlete or model takes a lot of patience and practicing the ‘look the other way’ approach. The more successful the man, the more ‘eggs’ will be thrown his way, as in female eggs. Like Chris Rock said “A man is only as true as his options”. It is human nature. These men are used to women pining after them and usually end up with the one who is apathetic towards them, the woman who has her own agenda and is oozing self-confidence. Even if that doesn’t describe you, you have to pretend it does or you will live in painful jealousy hell. Snoopping and searching for clues is what he should be doing, not you. Let him pine after you! The one who loves the most in the relationship, usually hurts the most, so just relax and let him love you.

Dr. Dot

Dear Dr.,

I cheated on my girlfriend, but the one-night-stand meant nothing to me. My girlfriend found out and won’t speak to me. We have been together for 4 years, is there a chance? Do women forgive and forget? I want her back big time!

Juan    

Dear Juan,

It is best to write her a letter. Face to face talks of cheating can get heated and blown out of proportion. Explain to her that men can easily love one but still have fun with another, without altering that love one bit. Sounds brutal, but tell her it was just like exercising with another, that only she rules your heart. You are not married, so it may make it easier for her to forgive you. Promise her if you two marry, then your heart, soul and body are sacred only to her. If she takes you back, watch your back, as women mainly cheat out of revenge. Meow.

Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,

About 4 years ago I had a breast reduction operation, which left unsightly scars. This makes me insecure to undress around men and I even try to avoid letting them touch my breast during sex. One guy I was with saw them and complained that the scars turned him off. Should I tell them up front about the scars before I get intimate? I am very unhappy.

Linda

 

Dear Linda,

Consider the scars a way of weeding out superficial assholes. If they can’t accept your body as it is, buh bye! No point in being unhappy, just try to make the best out of it. There is a gel you can buy to put on scars, it fades & melts them away. It is called Dermatix. You can google it to find out where to get some. Don’t tell them upfront, everyone has a scar or two, trust me, I also do massage for a living, and so far no one has a perfect body, well, except Sting and Lauryn Hill 🙂

Dr. Dot

Good Charlotte got Berlin hot and bothered (and a Dr. Dot rub down ;)

Ever heard of Good Charlotte? If not, read their Biography because it would take me too long to explain who they really are. Just know, they had all of the females between the ages of 14 and 21 moist last night in Berlin. Moist and screaming. Well, not all females. Jasmine and her girlfriends for some reason “hate” this band. I was always curious, why do they hate them so much? Then I realized, you couldn’t have hate with out a tad of love in there somewhere. I mean, you really have had to love or care about something in the past in order to whip up such a strong emotion as hate, know what I mean?

Petra is doing so well, she is actually on tour with Good Charlotte as their German tour manager (most bands have a main tour manager and one from each country they tour). She called me to come massage the lads and I gratefully accepted. They played at my old Berlin stomping grounds, Huxley’s Neue Welt, a club in Kreuzberg that was closed down for a few years, but is now open again and looking (and sounding) better than ever. I have seen so many shows there in the past, Oasis (where Noel and Liam got their first EVER massage in their life from yours truly) Iggy Pop, Blur (snobs!) Hot House Flowers, Andrew Strong, Van Halen, Steve Vai and it goes on and on.

As soon as I got there, the singer, well, one of the singers (there are two, and they are twin brothers) wanted a 90 minute rub down asap. His name is Benji and he is a cutie. 25 years old, from Maryland, but lives in LA when not on tour. He has amazing tattoos all over which kept me entertained. He wasn’t offended when I told him Jasmine and her gal pals hate his band. He laughed and said I should call her to invite her down to the show, that maybe she would change her tune if she saw them live.  I think Jasmine is just into older groups like Hendrix, Pink Floyd, Beatles and Nirvana, so she just doesn’t take too kindly to new groups.

Benji allowed me to photograph his awesome tattoos, as words just couldn’t do them justice, feast your eyes on these

 

   

That’s Benji Madden  ^  (sweet heart and super polite to his fans!)

Then I massaged Joel Madden, Benji’s twin brother. I was surprised when he said he was the singer. Oh, two singers, got it. Hey, I have only seen one of their videos and not even the whole video at that. I somehow think they were relieved to meet a girl who didn’t know all of their songs and whole life story. There were HOARDS of young screaming girls lined up out side the venue when I pulled up by the way. Joel had a 40 minute massage and had to be told a few times by his other tour manager to wind it up, as it is ‘show time’. I know he would have wanted a two hour massage, he was diggin’ it!

^ Joel = fine!

DOH! I only found out when I got home and googled them that Joel and Benji are twins. Makes sense now that I think about the similarities. They both had Irish flag tattoos and are both 25 and from Maryland and from the audience (yes I watched a few songs to see what all the screaming was about) they kind of looked alike on stage. Now I get it, duh!  lol

^ Paul, the bass player holding a home made gift (a sign with his name on it) from a German fan

After the show I massaged Paul, the bass player. He put on “Dark side of the moon” on his lap top during the massage. Gorgeous images kept appearing on his lap top, all of which he took with his own camera. He is an amazing photographer! The tattoo on his right arm (well, you can’t see all of it) is a Salvador Dali image. He didn’t seem to mind that people kept walking in and out the room during his entire massage. Nice disposition on that guy. I was massaging his hand and someone knocked and said “can I come in” and I said, “sure, just givin him a hand job” we all burst out in laughter. Love pushin’ that envelope.

I didn’t have time to massage everyone in Good Charlotte this time as they were leaving shortly after the show (only had time to massage bass player) to drive to Sweden. Must be a wicked long drive!

^ Billy Martin, guitarist of Good Charlotte

Towards the end, I got to chatting with the other guitarist, Billy (don’t shoot me if I got his name wrong, I am a Zappa/Beatles/Zeppelin/Floyd fan after all! I said ” hope you aren’t offended, but you look like you are a member of Marylin Manson’s band”. On the contrary, he took that as the highest compliment, he “LOVES MM!”.

  While Good Charlotte was on stage ( I did see SOME of their show) I massaged the opening act called “The Explosion” a punk band from Boston. Nice guys. A few of them were so thin; I could have broken them in half if I wanted to. I am sure you will be hearing more of The Explosion, they rocked! And I want to thank them for letting me scam all of their chocolate from their dressing room. They didn’t want it (obviously they don’t eat anyways) and I told them I need it as a weapon to bribe Jasmine 🙂 You gotta do what you gotta do.

Anyhow, yesterdays blog took me more than 4 hours thanks to DIAL up hell, and this is heading towards 4 hours too, so I have to stop and get to bed. Good Charlotte asked me to come to Hamburg (which is a 3 hour drive from Berlin) this coming Sunday to massage them again, but I doubt I can go as I have to move on Monday to my new flat (shit hole). I do have a great massage assistant in Hamburg anyways, Maren. When I offered her to the tour manager, Mark, he said “no, we only want you!”. By the way, Mark is sweet, calm and the most polite tour manager (besides Petra 😉 that I have met in a LONG time. Not bad on the eyes either. All in all, it was a great night, in every way.

I love it when I am backstage in Berlin and I am introduced to the band and start chatting and they all get this look of wonder on their faces and say “wow, you speak great English!” lol. I like to wind them up a bit before I tell them I am American.

Help, Berlin is growing on me again! Yikes! Maybe cause I know I am just passing through (?)