All wrapped up in Lance and his 6th victory, almost forgot to wish Jaquline and Mick a happy birthday!

Ah, life if the suburbs, it gets dull, so to make things lively and exciting, relatives scrap and fight. So good to be here in CT again, getting screamed at by various relatives after they have a few drinks. Makes you want to move here.

We didn’t go to NYC after all, too much driving. We stayed up in MASS for a few more days where gray squirrels and the Red Sox rule. We headed south to CT on Tuesday night and arrived at 1am or so and got hit with bad news. NO INTERNET!

Have I gotten so high maintenance that I can not surrive with out internet? I thought I was suffering already with a MAC lap top up at Betsy’s, not being able to down load photos or use cute colored letters to treat your eyes to some fun while you should be working.

But now, no internet, I felt like a junkie must feel with no smack. My uncle Billy who just miraculously got out of jail, what should have been a 20 year sentence for a fatal car accident (he was in passanger seat and was fighting with his gal who was driving) anyways they hit an on coming car 4 years ago and killed the driver 🙁  and he has been sitting in jail ever since. Apparently my bitchy phone call motivated his appointed lawyer to get an appeal, he won and is now free. I do not make this stuff up, I actually sugar coat things so Jerry Springer doesn’t call.

Anyhow, Billy and I both yearn for the internet so we hounded the cable company and that didn’t work, so I called a guy who calls himself the Computer Guy aka Tim, an older southern man who helped us several times by coming over and charging next to nothing to fix the PC.

Since then, lets see, Jasmine had her two best buddies come here to join us and the house is packed, it is hot as hell and as usual, the yearly family feud has broken out over who the hell knows what. It sucks always being the visitor, you walk on egg shells and feel bad about your strange habits. Can’t wait to have just one big ass house somewhere and make everyone come visit me for a change. Naturally my yard will be full of dogs.

The thrill has kind of died now over the photos, but better late than never:

This one above is Laurie, a friend of mine now, but years ago, she was the friend of my aunt Caron and Nancy, in other words, I have known her since I was 5 years old or so. She doesn’t have a mean bone in her body and I think her face resembles Burnedette Peters a bit. Her 21-year-old son, Rick, is a DJ on WCCC, Connecticut’s best classic rock station. He does the late show on Monday and Tuesdays I believe. I mean the REALLY late show. I will be his guest this Monday night and he said I may be able to play what ever I want, in other words, predominantley Frank Zappa, Beatles and Led Zepp, maybe some OLD Pink Floyd (I won’t even listen to anything with out Roger Waters on it) and then maybe some Alice Cooper or Janis, Doors or Moody Blues. I will try not to swear  🙂

 That is Felicia and Kill Bill at Pastoris in Ellington.

 Shannon and I at Pastoris.

 This is Steve, I call him Elton because he sings EXACTLY like Elton John. Very cool dude.

Above, from right to left is Steve, Shannon, Laurie, her man and the blonde is Shannon’s cousin, whom I guess somehow, must be related to me. We almost had words when she proudly talked about her being a Republican and how she loves Bush and works in Hartford at the Capital in politics and will absolutely vote for Bush. If I was a dog, the hair on my back would have been standing up so tall, it would have looked like a fucking mohawk. I guess it is best NOT to talk politics in a bar after drinking margaritas . Live and let live, live and let live, I keep telling myself.

I have more photos, like the one of Chris whom I hired up in MASS, but I will wait until I get my ass back to NYC to download more photos and crop them and all that crap, as this PC could die any minute.

Billy, my uncle I mentioned before, loved it when I printed out my blog and sent it to him. I am not much of a letter writer as I have too much writing to do as it is, so this blog is kind of a lazy way to keep in touch with everyone at the same time, without having to type the same shit over and over again to all of my pals.

Anyhow, he loved it and showed it to all of the inmates and it was entertainment for all of them, glad it helped fight off boredom for someone.

Last night, (Friday) Jasmine, Rachel and Hannah all went to the mall and then to Golf Land in Vernon. My ol pal Vickie Lindstrom brought them from the mall to Gold Land, and we thought all would be well. I got a call from them and they were yelling “the place was held up and robbed! we have to give statements cause we were witnesses!” HELLO! Are my family police/drama magnets?

Can’t we just go out once without the cops being involved? I think not. Anyhow, They were screaming and all I was thinking was, GREAT! Rachel’s mom will LOVE this, I let them go to where crazy guys dressed in army gear run amok with huge shot guns?

The guy (how pathetic must you be to HOLD UP an arcade?) was dressed from head to toe in Army clothes and was packing a huge gun. First he held up the staff with big ass knives, got his loot and waved the gun around while he ran off. The girls saw the whole thing and several cop cars (they said a dozen) came and also some under cover detectives. The girls were giggling the second time they called, saying the detective that was interviewing them went to Rockville High School with me and knew me as Dot Jagger/Leckner.

I told them to put him on the phone. His name was Steve, but I wouldn’t recognize him unless I saw him, he found it amusing these 15 year old gals there with German passports, he was like, “what the HELL are you gals doing in Vernon, CT!!??” They told him and he said, ah, Vickie brought you here, and Dot? Oh, I know her too!” We had a good laugh on the phone and he dropped them at Denny’s (most exciting place in Vernon) as the Golf Land was closing and I wasn’t there yet.

The girls LOVE to go to Denny’s and gawk at the scanky looking crowds that pile in there after 11pm. It is so entertaining to eat and watch the stream of weirdoes come in and out of the place. It is open 24/7 so anyone who is under 21 hangs out there and then when the bars close (a whopping 1am) folks come there to eat and see if there isn’t something they could drag home with them.EW!

My assistants Joy and Catherine have been busy massaging the manager of KISS’s (Doc) wife, Wendy. She LOVES my team. I haven’t massaged her yet; I hear she is gorgeous and sweet too. I am to massage a band called Disturbed (do YOU know who they are, as I don’t) on July 30th in NJ.

I have missed a lot of what’s going on because I have had NO INTERNET!! Can you feel me! I guess camping would be out of the question for me, as I am too high (tech) maintenance, I admit it.

But then again, rolling around in the mud/dirt with bugs and having to wear flip flops cause the shower floor is too nasty and smells like ASS doesn’t sound appealing to me anymore, I did that for years following the Grateful Dead. Can’t believe they are on tour, I miss Jerry!

Gotta scoot.

 Dr.

I can’t keep an erection, especially with a condom.

Chris.K     Jersey City

Hey Chris,

My theory is, fluoride is responsible for softies. In the US, there is a lot

of fluoride in our drinking water, which  gives us nice teeth but makes our

men soft down there. In Europe, the men have horrible teeth but are as stiff

as a board and can go all night; so,it must be the water! Try drinking Evian or

imported water for a month AND try to make your lady orgasm before you even

grab for a condom.

————————————————————————————————

Hi Dr.

I need cheap ways to look gorgeous.The competition is stiff here in the city

and I am not rich.

Christy,   NYC

Dear Christy

1. if you have those porno-like  fake nails, stop getting them, men don’t

care about them anyways.Do your own pedicure and coat toenails and cuticles

with vaseline before showering to make the polish last longer.

2. Forget brand named clothing, jewelry and shoes. It doesn’t matter as long

as you look clean and polished.

3. Shave, don’t get waxed. It saves time and money.

4.Wet and Wild lip liner, nail polish etc is super cheap and no one will

know the difference.

5. You can cut corners on everything except your hair, pay for a good

colorist, but get a $10 cut at a barber shop.

6.Drink club soda when you go out. It hydrates your skin and only tap water

is cheaper.

7.Buy a oil free sun block for your day cream, you don’t need any other face

cream in the day. For night  time, ask your dermatologist for a prescription

cream that erases fine lines.Use vaseline around eyes.