TOP 10 SIGNS THAT YOUR CHILD IS TOO OLD FOR BREASTFEEDING
10. He can open your blouse by himself, with one hand.
9. While suckling at one breast, he caresses the other.
8. He has developed a bad habit of flicking his tongue.
7. He keeps slipping dollar bills in your belt.
6. He uses your milk as creamer for his coffee.
5. Your birth control pills interfere with his acne
4. After each feeding, he has a smoke.
3. He frequently invites his friends over for dinner.
2. You feel an uncontrollable urge to listen to
And the number one sign your child is too old to breastfeed:
1. Beard abrasions on areola.
Eight sure-fire ways to tell if you are gay...1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, youare gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with theboys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups,aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is likea dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratchesitself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, andwhines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Nowthink about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy,snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or anysuch nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight manonly sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfishguts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are intraining to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss ina parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man'sworld is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where hepleases.5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a highhard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black,and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a"Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know whatartificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweetin your mouth, you've had a man there, too.6. If you know more than six names of colors or four differenttypes of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passesto your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brainto remember all of that crap as well as all the names of allthe players in the Major league, NFL, NBA, college ball, PGAand NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a"fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type oftextile other than denim, you are faggadocious.7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you'redying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on thewheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. Therest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station,eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with his bitch in thepassenger seat.8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere,vous le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one ofthose is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watchingany of the above films by yourself or with another man is likelyto result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which iswhat happens to fags when they flame out too quickly.